I Like Her, Now What? A Single Guy’s Guide to the First Dateনমুনা

What are you looking for?

When I was single, I had many first dates. Second dates, however, were a different story. After each rejection, I would analyze what I did wrong. The next time, I would up my game—better locations, pricier meals, and more elaborate activities. Despite my best efforts, little changed. Two weeks seemed to be the longest I could make a relationship last. 

After many painful rejections, I realized I had been spending all of my energy trying to convince the girl I was worthy of a second date. The only thing my over-the-top efforts did was highlight how insecure I really was. To be honest, I was more interested in the idea of having a girlfriend than I was in the particular girl I was dating.

That all changed the day my best friend told me about a girl he knew. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend and confided in my friend how tired she was of playing the game. 

At that moment, I realized that was what I had been doing: playing a game. Instead of spending my first date trying to win a second date, I should have been trying to get to know the girl I was with better. Did she have a relationship with Christ? What did she enjoy doing? What did she struggle with? Were the trajectories of our lives heading in similar directions? 

Knowing the answers to these questions would make it possible for me to discern if I should continue to pursue a girl or if we should simply remain friends. In short, I planned to no longer be a passive participant hoping someone would accept me. 

I eventually called the girl my best friend told me about, but this time I was different. I knew what I wanted. I wasn’t just looking for a second date, I was looking for something much more permanent. More than 26 years after our first date, I can say with assurance, I found it.

Before you ask her out, consider the type of person God would want you with (a believer, someone with good character, someone who will make a good partner). And when you do have that first date—more on that step tomorrow—don’t forget to learn as much as you can about her in the process. This just might be the first chapter in a lifelong love story. 

Pray: Lord, Thank You for the chance to get to know this girl. Give me wisdom and discernment. Help me to know if a romantic relationship with her would be glorifying to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For more on the ultimate goal of dating, listen to "Why Are You Single?"    on FamilyLifeToday.com.