The Art Of Marriageনমুনা

Oneness Defined 

Does the ‘one flesh’ referenced in the scriptures extend beyond the physical dimension to include one's personhood?

I’ve heard the words ‘the two shall be one’ echo throughout my life as it coupled with the instruction to submit myself to the man I love. The resounding echo back to my feeble heart and ears was ‘you lose’ in order to ‘gain' love.

You lose your identity. 

You lose your uniqueness.

You lose your ability to make decisions.

You lose your sense of self.

You lose, as you merge into another with a new identity, new covering, and a new role, all pre-destined for you.

For years I believed the lie.

As I changed my name and my role, I emerged, lost and submerged in the expectation of what a ‘good' Christian wife and mother should be.

I gained love and paid for it with myself until I re-examined what I had blindly accepted.

Could our lives be like primary colours? I saw myself as red, and him blue. Together we formed the colour purple. A distinct colour; a distinct unit with purpose, identity, fulfillment and wholeness.

I could remain ‘red’—pursue my gifting, enjoy my pursuits, and have the power to make financial, emotional, and relational decisions. My ‘red’ could exist and contribute to the creation of purple. My ‘red’ could find my own voice, passion, purpose, fulfillment and at the same time merge into purple.

So when the Bible reminded me that there is no male or female, no gender, no marriage, no combos in heaven, I realized I must give account for my own life.

The truth sank in. I’m responsible for my ‘red’. I will have to give account for ‘myself’. 

I don’t lose when I gain love.