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Transactional or Transformational Relationship

“I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine!” That’s a transactional kind of relationship that says, “If you do your part, I’ll do mine.” The implication is, if you don’t do your part, I won’t do mine either. This self-centered approach sucks the life, the joy, and the intimacy right out of a relationship.

Do you ever have a transactional way of thinking about a relationship with God? “Hey, God, I’m being good, keeping the rules, giving a little money, and praying, so why haven’t You healed me?” “Why didn’t I get the job?” “Why didn’t You come through with what I asked for?” In other words, “What’s the use of a relationship with God, if I can’t get God to work on my behalf and give me what I want?” Sometimes we take the flip side of this same coin. We can’t imagine we are loved and accepted by God because we don’t feel like we measure up. The truth is performance-based relationships always wear us out and eventually we want to walk away from them. 

Now, think about how Jesus changed everything! In His day there were more than the Ten Commandments and 613 rules that faithful Jewish men and women were expected to know and keep. Imagine what the disciples must have thought when Jesus told them, “I have a new commandment for you.” I can just hear them saying, “I have more than 600 things I’m not doing right already, and You’re going to give me one more?!” He told them, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another.” Maybe you’re thinking that wasn’t new. But, He didn’t leave it there. What was new was how they were to love others: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Now, that’s new! He’s telling us that sacrificial, grace-filled love for others (and not transactional relationships) would be the distinguishing mark of those who follow Him. He says, “When you love others as I have loved you, people will know you are My disciples.”

Imagine being loved like that! That’s exactly how Jesus loved you and me when He died on the cross for our sins so that we could be forgiven. What amazing love! There’s nothing transactional about a love like that. But, it is powerfully transformational! When we receive God’s gift of grace He enables us to love one another with the same kind of love He has given us. That kind of love can transform a life, a family, a church, and a community! When Jesus called us to follow Him, He gave us a new commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you!”