Living in Christ After Divorceনমুনা

Removing Shame

I am a Divorcee. As a matter of fact, I have been divorced twice. There was once a time that these words gripped my heart with shame and terror. I felt like divorce was tattooed on my forehead and on my chin sat the number two. Twice divorced and two children. Though I am not proud of this part of my story, I have learned that I don't have to live with shame because of it. God has a greater story and He knew mine from the beginning. Though shame has a name, so does the righteous blood of forgiveness, and the name is Jesus. 

It took some time for me to understand that I didn't have to live with shame. No one knew I was carrying it. In public, I would smile and present myself as if everything was fine. But inside I felt like I was a mistake, unworthy, and unloved.  All of which were due to the shame I felt from being a divorcee.  Then one day the Lord reminded me of the woman at the well.

In John 4 the bible tells us a story of a woman who was a societal outcast. Not because she had a disease or couldn’t have children, though these were common reasons in biblical times.  No, her reason was quite different. She was a woman who had many husbands. Not all at once, but during her lifetime. In fact, she had been married to five different men.  I can’t help but imagine the love she was seeking and the void she was looking to fill as she made her way through each relationship walking away just as empty, lost, and alone.  

Then one day as she was gathering water when no one else was around because of the shame she carried, she met a man named Jesus! She didn’t know him, but he knew her well. He knew things about her secret life, her shame, her need to be accepted and loved. He knew what she wanted and he knew what she needed. He knew she needed Him.  

That day at the well, her life was transformed by Jesus. A man who would love her, accept her, remove the shame, and heal her broken heart. Knowing the relationships of her past didn’t keep Him from pursuing her and speaking new life into her future. He accepted her as His daughter and His beloved. 

When I reflected on this story, I realized that I was the woman at the well.  It was not until I decided to surrender my story to Jesus, that I could be free from shame. I had to choose to no longer listen to Satan’s lies about me after my divorces, but instead hear the truth of Jesus. 

I am worthy.  I am not my past.  I am loved.  I am his workmanship.  

If you are being gripped by shame, take some time to invite God into that space. Release it to God and exchange it for His truth about you.   

Today’s devotional written by Esther Hutchison of This Big House