The Money Mentor: A 7-Day Plan To Financial Healthনমুনা

Forsake False Responsibility

Assuming responsibility for the shortcomings, bad judgment, irresponsible actions, and dilemmas of others will keep you financially and emotionally frustrated. I can’t begin to tell you how many ladies—young and old—I have met over the decades who are serving time in their own emotional prisons, victims of their self-imposed false responsibility. 

Sometimes the woman is the church administrator who becomes the go-to person for virtually everything. She is often the loyal company employee who always steps in to take up the slack for those who don’t fulfill their roles. She is frequently the oldest (or most responsible) female in a large family who has succumbed to the expectations of others. She finds herself organizing (and maybe even financing) all holiday, birthday, and other family celebrations—with little support from others.

We women wear many hats; however, before we jump in and save the day, we need to realize that just because we have the ability do something doesn’t mean that God is calling us to do it. I repeat: ability is not a calling. 

Saying no or letting go of certain self-imposed obligations can be scary. Don’t let the fear of rejection or alienation stop you from shifting responsibility back to others when the burden should be theirs.

False responsibility is such a blind spot that it often takes the intervention of others to shine a light on it. So, listen to your family and friends when they warn you or express concern for the excess responsibility you have assumed. It can have a huge impact on your work life, your finances, and your health.

You may be asking, “How do I stop engaging in this kind of behavior? People have become accustomed to me doing what I do. This may create tension in my relationships.” You are absolutely right. 

Your actions have taught others what to expect from you, and a change in your behavior may not go over very well. Nevertheless, it is time to teach them a different lesson.  I like to use the A-B-C approach to solve such dilemmas:

A. Acknowledge the real problem. Call it what it is—false responsibility. Also admit the subtle satisfaction you get out of being the “savior” in the situation.

B. Believe that God will give you the grace (divine enablement) to do what you must do.

C. Change your actions, starting with baby steps—such as saying no to certain requests and establishing boundaries on your time. You must discern the leading of the Spirit to know when to act and when not to. There are times when you must indeed assume responsibility. Therefore, the “Serenity Prayer” will serve you well in such situations.

You can change. With God’s help.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”