Grace For Your Waist-Living A Lifestyle Fitted With Hopeনমুনা

Looking for Love

One summer afternoon, when I was five years old, my tween sister and cousins were sequestered in my cousin’s bedroom swapping boy stories like baseball cards. Uninvited, I listened intently with my ear pressed to the door. I wanted so badly to be part of their secret girl club. When all hope seemed lost… it happened. The door cracked open, and my sister asked for a snack. That was it – my ticket in—I was confident that I could do this! With the strength of a ninja, I snuck up to the snack sanctuary, the top of the refrigerator. There sat a golden delicious container of Cheetos. I secured the cheesy curls in a leather bound decoy, and slithered down the hallway to the bedroom door, expecting a grand welcome. But, after grabbing the coveted bounty from my hands, they instead slammed the door in my face. Sadly, I wasn’t their Cheetos heroine, only their lowly snack mule.

“Will I ever belong?” A question I lamented that day and for most of my life. Growing up, no matter where I searched, love and affirmation evaded me. I was lost in my own little world looking for love in all the wrong places. Whenever I met someone, it seemed as if I introduced myself as, “Hi, I’m Janelle. Will you like me…PLEASE?” I kept telling myself that “misery loves company” and every tasty snack commiserated! I blindly became a slave to all the comfort food and sold out to many lies. Lies that convinced me that food would fill the emptiness in my heart. Though food brought me great comfort, my desperate need for acceptance launched me into many years of disconnection with God. 

I swallowed lies about myself, along with a whole bunch of unnecessary calories, pain and heartache. But only God can satisfy the void He is designated to fill. One day, feeling frustrated with my lack of self-control, I called out to God with one of the most difficult prayers you can pray, “HELP ME!”

Man’s approval is NO match for how our Creator approves of each of us. C. S. Lewis describes it so beautifully: Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose…only (upon) the Beloved who will never pass away.” 

Think about your past -- where have you swallowed lies about yourself to earn approval?