Broken Crayons Still Colorনমুনা

In 2006, I sensed God leading me into ministry for teen girls, but I did not think God could use me.

From 2002-2004, I had participated in sexual sin. Not just any sexual sin, but I had been addicted to internet pornography as a Christian, married woman.

And the thoughts in my mind tormented me. I would hear thoughts like "Stupid, stupid, stupid! You knew better, how could you?"

Just as we are to forgive others their sins against us, I believe we may also need to forgive ourselves. And a big part of that is accepting God's complete forgiveness of our sins.

Yes, we do need to confess our sin to Christ. That's the first step.

However, I had already taken that step. Not only did I confess my sin, but I had truly repented. Repentance means to turn away from your sin and start going in the opposite direction.

I was no longer actively involved in pornography. I went to counseling and got help, I had an accountability partner, I put filters on my computer, and God had empowered me to truly change.

But I still saw myself as dirty and broken.

All I could think about was the mistakes I had made and how I wished I could go back and make better decisions. Different decisions.

I often had haunting thoughts that began with “If only.”

My regret ran deep and held me captive.

However, God wanted to use my brokenness for His glory.

He wanted me to know that I was completely forgiven!

The old Shelley was gone. I was a new creation.

If I would allow Him, God would begin to paint a beautiful masterpiece with the brokenness of my life.

Are you living with the heavy weight of shame and regret from your past?

Do you feel that God could never use you because of what you have done or the things that have been done to you?

If so, the first step is forgiveness.

That day in 2006, I distinctly sensed God saying to me in my heart, “Shelley, you’ve forgiven others, but you haven’t forgiven yourself. It’s time to let go of this regret and forgive yourself.”

It was true.

I needed to forgive myself.

And as I did, a weight was lifted off of me as tears streamed down my cheeks. I was forgiven and I could move on.

Shortly after, God used me to launch a ministry for teen girls that has impacted thousands of girls around the world and still continues today.

You see, broken crayons still color.

Prayer:

Lord, I want to be free from anything that weighs me down and the sin that so easily entangles me (Heb. 12:1–2). I surrender to you my heart, mind, and will. Help me to be willing to deal with any sin in my life that keeps me from you and hinders my spiritual growth. I acknowledge your power to forgive any sin and to help me truly repent. I choose to accept your forgiveness and release all regret and shame to you. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.