Tedashii - Below Paradiseনমুনা

Dark Days, Darker Nights

There is a quote by Robert L. Dabney that resonates to the core of my being:

"As I stand by the little grave, and think of the poor ruined clay within, that was a few days ago so beautiful, my heart bleeds…”

Suffering the loss of my son brought only dark days that lead to darker nights. There was the initial pain of the severing, the loss. A pain so horrific and agonizing it is impossible to explain in words. But a bleeding heart is a great picture - my heart is wounded. I am wounded. Then there was the continued pain of his absence - a pain I will forever experience here. I miss him.

My initial response to loss was shock, that soon turned to avoidance. I didn't want to feel pain, so I began to run from anything that would take me back to that uncomfortable place. I didn't want to be at home, because memories triggered there were painful. I didn't want to look at pictures of my son because that made me sad, and I didn't want to feel that. My comfort was avoidance, but in the end it just wasn't enough.

People kept telling me they were praying 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 for me. They were begging the God of all comfort to do what only He could. I'm so thankful He used them to point me back to Him. He really is the only place for true, sustaining, never-failing comfort.

The Lord, His word, the hope of Heaven have all been, as my pastor says, "warm blankets to my soul." And in the midst of the pain, I am able to raise my head and have hope, as 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 states. This truth doesn’t negate the pain, it enables me to endure it.

Robert L. Dabney’s quote continues:

“…But as I ask 'Where is the soul whose beams gave that clay all its beauty and preciousness?' I triumph."

Praise God Jesus is real. Heaven is real. Praise God He is the God of all comfort. Because if this weren’t true, a bleeding heart is my only option.

Father, thank you that because of Jesus I can have hope when my days and nights are painfully dark. Amen.