Watch With ME

Seeking the perspective of Jesus

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

Last week, a friend and I took a little motorcycle trip south to my home state of Mississippi. On the way there, we spent the night in Monroe, Louisiana, with one of my oldest and dearest friends from our football days in college. This man and I were real scoundrels during our college days, and neither of us could blackmail the other, for we each had so much private information on the other person. Those were our “darkness” days. Back then, we were drawn to each other as friends and “running mates,” for we had a lot in common. We were close, but I’m not sure we were that dependable for the other if one of us had been in great need of help, especially if it required self-sacrifice. However, there is something now that is very special and has made our friendship even deeper. This latter-day development in our friendship is the focus of my devotional. I believe you will understand what I am speaking of as this devotional unfolds. Hopefully, it will also provide an essential building block for your relationships.

Friendship and companionship are created needs that God has put into all mankind, as is evidenced by the above scripture. For example, most of us, although not all, have the need to be married. In a good marriage, we understand best the concept of a helpmate that God uses to complete us and help us become the men God wants us to be. Sometimes, if not most of the time, marriage is difficult, for we men are most often so different from our wives. However, it is the things that are often lacking in us but found in our wives that God uses to disciple us into men after His own heart.

Having friendships with other men is also a great need, for it is in the context of male friendships that we develop our male identities and perspectives. Little boys grow into manhood through this dynamic, and the need for male friends remains even in manhood. But, the greatest and most often unfilled need I have found in men is having a “best friend.” There is a special need to have a friend as close to us as a brother, or more so in many cases. When we have a “best friend,” we have someone that will not desert us, whereas a casual friend will pull out of our life because of difficulty. A “best friend” generally believes the best about us and will cover our back when we are under some attack. A “best friend” often understands us better than we do ourselves. A “best friend” does not tie his friendship to his emotions and is not up and down with how he feels about us because of the way he feels. A “best friend” is generally honest with us and willing to say difficult things rather than allow us to fall. A “best friend” doesn’t lie, mislead or manipulate us. If he does, he disqualifies himself as a “best friend.” All of us will be knocked down at some time in our life, and like Solomon said, “But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” Men, if you don’t have a best friend, pray that God will give you one and help you become one for some other person. I hear from men across the nation, and I hear them say that they have many friends, but very few have a best friend such as I have described. Therefore, understand that God has a design that includes His man having a best friend or several, and His word guides us as to how this kind of friendship needs to develop. Let’s look at His design hidden within the above scripture:

In verses 9 - 11 in the above-referenced scripture, we see the importance being presented that we have someone in our life who will fulfill our need for basic companionship. The illustration to this point is about two people and those two people having their needs met by each other. However, in verse 12, we read, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” There is an abrupt shift from emphasizing two people to including a third. Who is the third cord if my friend is one cord and I the other? Let’s think about it:

After almost 41 years of marriage, I have discovered that the best friend of several best friends in my life is my wife, Sallie. Therefore, I cannot exclude my wife when I look at a friendship relationship. It has not always been that way with us, for we didn’t always treat each other like best friends should. Why is this? We love each other, and we have always desired a good marriage. We have been Christians all of our married life. Doesn’t that automatically bless our marriage with God’s guidance and benefits? No, it does not automatically do so, for although God can be in our life, we must still submit to His leadership. Although married and although Christians, God was not the third cord in Sallie’s and my marriage until we began to invite Him to be the Lord of lives and our marriage and began submitting to His leadership. When this began, a supernatural fruit came into our relationship with one another. We began to love each other with the mercy, grace, and compassion that could not have been given from ourselves without Christ being that third cord in our marriage.

I have also found this to be true with best friends and Christian partners in business together. We can call ourselves best friends and loyal partners. Still, without Christ being the third cord in our relationship with each other, we are not capable of giving to another man or woman, which makes a relationship unable to be broken. Without Christ in our relationship, the flesh nature will always prevail, and we will become self-seekers and self-centered, which will lead to the death of a close relationship. Only Christ in us and our relationship with another person can form an unbreakable tie that can weather the storms that come against a friendship. Common interests can go just so far in keeping a friendship together, but they will not help us weather the storm in our relationship. Great power must be at the center of our relationship, setting our standard for behavior, forgiveness, and acceptance. That power is the third cord. It is Jesus Christ Himself.

I mentioned that my friend in Monroe, LA, and I go a long way back. We were best friends in college. However, I don’t think we really knew what it takes to be a “best friend” at that time, and we, for sure, did not have the third cord of Jesus Christ in our relationship. I also mentioned to you that there is something very special in our relationship now that was missing before, making it better than ever. You know what it is, don’t you? We now have the Third Cord in our relationship, which has taken our friendship to a new place. I thank God for the old friend I once had and who was part of my life. But the friend I now have is a treasure to me, for he, like me, has become a better friend.

Although I have moderate assets (less than some and more than most), I consider myself very wealthy. The measure of my wealth is not what I bank or what I spend. It is the precious friends that are in my life. I can say truthfully, and they will agree, the thing that has brought us together and tied us together into a covenant relationship that will never be broken is the Third Cord, Jesus Christ. With these friends, I feel that I will be lifted up when I fall, encouraged when I am down, and cheered on when I grow weary in my race. I have been given friends that are heroes to me and I to them. All this is ours because of the Third Cord that is in our relationship.

Men, if you don’t have these kinds of friends in your life, start praying for them and go after them. The best way to have a friend is to be a friend. But, start that relationship off right. Invite the Third Cord to come quickly and join you so that the friendship can be all God can make of it.