When You Struggle to Feel God's Loveናሙና

A Loving Author, A Progressing Plot

Scripture:

“And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:6)

Moses was about to die. His forty-year wilderness journey came to a close as “the Lord showed him all the land” (Deut. 34:1) he wouldn’t step foot on because of his sin. What must he have felt?

There had never been a rescue greater than the exodus (Deut. 4:34). There had never been a law so holy as God’s for Israel (Deut. 4:8). And yet, the very people who saw the Red Sea split rejected the God who accomplished it.

The story of Israel is a microcosm of humanity’s story. We, too, rebel against basic moral standards despite God’s day-to-day kindness toward us (Rom. 2:14–15). We, too, grow discontent with daily bread. We, too, are in need of a circumcised heart—a fundamental revolution of our innermost being that is resistant to loving God.

The story of Israel is also a repetition of Adam and Eve’s story. The same God who abundantly provided every tree of the garden was the same God who rained manna from heaven. And He was the same God accused of being loveless (Gen. 3:1; Deut. 1:27).

In fact, the rest of the Old Testament is somewhat cyclical: God displays His love, His people reject His love, God brings judgment, some of His people repent, and God lovingly restores. Rinse and repeat.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that your life, and mine, can be rather cyclical as well. We are shaped by our childhood relationships and experiences, and though we may grow out of some of those environments and patterns, our life’s story is replete with repetitive mistakes, reenacted trauma, and unremitting questions at the core of our souls:

Am I utterly broken?

Am I utterly alone?

Am I an utter failure?

Am I utterly unlovable?

Your story, like mine, is a journey in which you find yourself asking, much more than once, How did I get here again? Why am I still struggling with this?

And yet, like Scripture, the cyclical nature of your story does not mean its plot isn’t progressing. The sun repeats the same course every day, but that doesn’t mean time stands still. Ancient Israel repeated its rebellions throughout its history, but that doesn’t mean God wasn’t moving toward “the fullness of time” (Gal. 4:4).

This need for a new heart echoes throughout the Old Testament as leader after leader fell short of the law of love. The power it takes for a holy God to love sinners is the same power sinners need to love a holy God.

And one day, God would grant that power. Redemptive history was moving toward glory, despite the cycles.

So is your story.

Call to Action:

Here’s a writing prompt for you today: Think about the nature of your relationships: with God, family, friends, coworkers, romantic partners, and so on. What are some conflicts and wounds you’ve seen repeated in those relationships? What difference does it make to know that the loving Author of your life is dedicated to progressing the plot of your story toward glory despite its discouraging cycles?