Waiting to Be a Momናሙና

Psalm 142: 1-3 says, "I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord’s mercy.

I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles.

When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn."

Ever have a day when you want to throw your phone across the room because you saw another pregnancy announcement? Me too. It can be so difficult to see others get what you are longing for. I even caught myself thinking, “Well, she probably has a better prayer life than me, so that is why it is happening to her.” I had to check myself because I know that is not how God operates.

God knows the desires of your heart because he is the one who put them there. He hears the cries of your heart when you are too disappointed to compose yourself. You are allowed to feel that immediate sense of anger; anger is not a sin. Anger is an emotion God gave us. Anger can become a sin depending on what we do with it, but having an emotion is healthy and human.

I find that once I process my emotions, I can actually let go of that anger and jealousy and be happy for others. It’s not immediate, but it is possible with prayer and honesty—honesty with myself, my husband, and ultimately God. This time has made me rely on the Lord in a way I never have before. My relationship with the Lord has deepened, and I understand the pain of waiting to be a mom in a way that others are blessed to never know.

Every time I sat down to write this plan, tears would take over. I started grieving for those who will read this plan and for myself. Maybe one day, this hurt will be a distant memory, but right now, this is our reality and we have to allow ourselves to process this time. Take care of yourself, go to God with your complaints, and have the courage to hope God will deliver you from this.

Prayer: God, we pray for a miracle, a miracle of life. We pray that despite all the discouragement, we will try again and trust in your plan for our life. We know you love us so much, and we pray for your guidance in the next steps, whatever they may be. We pray you move in big ways. Amen.

We would like to thank Rachel Reigard for this plan. For more content like this, please visit anhonestanswerblog.com and rachelreigard on all social media platforms.