Just Breathe: Hope And Help For Those Drowning In The Pain Of Addictionናሙና

Make Amends Part 1

I used to watch the old TV sitcom The Andy Griffith Show. I’ll still see it occasionally pop up on one of those classic TV channels. When I would watch it, the guy I could relate to the most was Otis. Otis was the self-described “town drunk,” and he would stop by the sheriff’s office on a regular basis, walk right into a cell, and lock himself in to “sleep it off.” The funny thing was that they hung the keys up where he could reach them and leave at any time. 

I resonate with Otis because I have been Otis. Sometimes I have been so comfortable in my cell that I’ve forgotten that at any time I could walk out and be free. One of the things that keeps you and me locked up is a thing called bitterness. When you get honest with yourself and take that fearless moral inventory, you find that a lot of the emotion, the pain, the regret, the remorse, the anger, the disappointment, the guilt, and the shame stem from your interaction with—you guessed it—people.

Our responsibility in this step is to do our part to make things right with—you guessed it—people. It’s time to make amends or seek forgiveness from those you’ve hurt, and forgive those who have hurt you. 

Neither one of those things are easy. I remember when I made my list. It was complicated. I had to take a couple of road trips. I had to do research. I had to make embarrassing phone calls. I had to stand before tombstones and apologize. I had to stand before people in my shame and wear it, exposed and broken, and ask them to release me from the debt I owed them. But do you know what was amazing? In those moments, it was like chains were broken. It was like a forest that had been burned to the dirt was now sprouting up little seeds of life. I started seeing these people in a whole new way, and it was powerful. 

Even though it is freeing and powerful, it’s important to point out that this step—making amends and asking for forgiveness—is not about you. It is an act of humility. It’s about you doing whatever your part is to make things right with them. It’s about them hearing you own your own stuff, and not about getting anything in return. You do it, even if they don’t forgive you. Even if you can’t make all things right. Even if it doesn’t fix the relationship or make everything better. You just choose to humbly do it, because it’s the right thing to do, and the sheer act of it sets you free.