All Kinds Of Skills

Parenting can seem like an ominous task. I am reminded of a man named Hiram from I Kings 7, “A worker of brass, and he was filled with wisdom, and understanding, and cunning to work all works in brass.” This man was given wisdom on the job, so to speak; you, too, will be given wisdom.

As a Christian psychologist and counselor for forty years, God has given me wisdom on how people are motivated or what I call their core processor, and it definitely can impact your parenting. A child will generally come with one of these two processors.

The first is the internally motivated child who seems to challenge you and ask you why. And no is the beginning of a conversation. They have these characteristics:

1. They think outside the box.
2. They have relative thinking.
3. They overvalue their ideas.
4. Value speedy decisions.
5. Rarely thinks of consequences.
6. Accepts conflict.
7. Have challenges listening to other’s ideas.
8. Have tremendous persistence.

The second processor is what I call the externally motivated child. Their characteristics:
1. They believe rules have value.
2. They believe right and wrong are permanent.
3. Follows directions.
4. Can separate themselves from their ideas.
5. Manages well.
6. Very conscientious.
7. Process thoroughly.
8. Diligent with details.
9. Understands there are consequences.
10. They do not like conflict.

Each child comes with a unique motivational or core processor. Understanding how your child is motivated from the inside out (internal) or the outside in (external) can make a huge difference in how you actually parent this child successfully. I cannot tell you how this simple wisdom can make a huge difference, from getting them to clean their room to picking a career path. There is so much more to say, but getting a feel for your child is pretty easy. If you say no to your child and it is the end of a conversation, they are probably externally motivated. If you say no to a child and it is the beginning of a conversation or negotiation, you most likely have an internally motivated child.

Understanding your child’s processing system is important because it can give you insights into what drives your children’s behaviors.

Questions:

1. Which child or children appear more internally motivated?

2. Which child or children appear more externally motivated?

3. Which processor (internal/external) do you and your spouse have?