Moving Through Griefናሙና

It's Time to Assess

Now that we’ve gone through a process to understand our coping mechanisms, let’s explore and assess our communication habits. When you face unmet expectations, do you tend to speak up or stay quiet?

It’s easy to start off a conflict conversation in a positive space and get triggered to a negative space. Contemplate where you are when you communicate about important issues. If you recall times when you have stayed quiet or spoken up from a positive or negative space, we recommend making a list identifying how you’ve communicated from each space. Look for themes. When have you been most successful at speaking from a positive space? Consider the time of day when you are more likely to speak from a negative space. There may be additional themes you notice as well. Having an “audience” may escalate frustrations more quickly, and bringing up conflict when you’re tired may be a sign that you’re waiting until you’re in a negative space to talk or that you need to set time aside when you’re more rested.

Sometimes we may find it easy to communicate from a positive space, and other times it may feel like our mood or one particular person triggers us to communicate from a negative space. Regardless, our goal should be to communicate more frequently from a positive space.

If you made a list of times you communicated from a positive and negative space, review the list and begin to develop a communication improvement plan. If you noticed that you communicate from a positive space most frequently when you’re face-to-face with someone rather than communicating via text messaging, then create a mental checklist for yourself to go through before bringing up an issue. For example, maybe you want to tell a close friend you feel hurt that they haven’t reached out regarding your loss and you’re wondering why they’ve been so distant. If you realized many of your negative space conversations began over text, determine not to start any of these types of conversations that way again. Consider asking the following questions to gain insight into yourself:

What themes have I discovered regarding my negative space conversations?

What themes have I discovered regarding my positive space conversations?

What items need to be part of my mental checklist to ensure that I communicate my needs and wishes from a positive space?

Let's pray.

God,

I can see that my grief has affected me in ways that are hard for me to accept and that make my life different than it was before. Today, help me as I communicate with You, others, and myself; I want to remain in a positive space and offer grace for myself when I end up in a negative space. Give me the wisdom to know who I can reach out to as I continue to process my grief.

Amen.

Journal:

Make a list identifying how you've communicated from a positive and a negative space. What do you notice? Write a few sentences about ways you can talk to others about your grief, even if that feels difficult at the moment.