Overcoming Father Wounds a 7-Day Reading Play by Kia Stephensናሙና

Day 4: Identify the lies we believed.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1 - 2

It is all my fault. I am not loveable. I am not wanted. I will always be unloved. If we find ourselves thinking these statements consciously and subconsciously we are believing lies about who we are. These lies are often rooted in traumatic life events we experienced throughout our lives.

If we felt abandoned by our father we may believe the lie that we are not wanted. If he never showed up at milestone events we may believe the lie that we are not important. If he never affirmed our femininity we may believed the lie that we are not lovely.

Lies are planted by the enemy of our soul to rob us of our God given identity and they will if we are not intentional about discovering who we are in Christ Jesus. During my healing journey I read a book that required me to record the pivotal events that happened in my days and weeks. If I had an argument, anxious thoughts, self-doubt or the like, I had to analyze the thoughts behind my actions. I listed out all the thoughts leading up to the event and then I had to identify the dominant thought that was the basis for my behavior.

From there I had to evaluate whether my dominant thought was based on evidence or rooted in my emotions. If my dominant thought was unsubstantiated, I had to counter that thought with a factual statement. This conditioned me to be proactive rather than reactive in my behavior. For months I took copious notes on myself. I worked on my thoughts repeatedly. It was tedious, inconvenient, and time consuming, but I was willing to do whatever it took to break the hold of the detrimental behaviors that threatened to rob me of my God given identity..

It was a practical take on Romans 12:2:“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” The process of renewing our mind is not limited to the thoughts that enter from outside sources. We also have to examine existing thoughts, originating with us that do not line up with God’s Word and drive our behavior.

This process is called cognitive behavioral therapy in the counseling world. It’s a tool that focuses on changing our pattern of thinking in order to change our behavior. The rationale is that we can’t make ourselves stop a particular action, but we can change the thought that’s driving it. We don’t have to be governed by emotions. We can challenge our emotions with truth, and a corresponding result will be changed behavior.

Often, we do not monitor what we are thinking about; we just let our thoughts run wild and unchecked. It would be good for us to pause and ask ourselves a few questions: What am I thinking? Where did this thought come from? What does God think about this thought? Is this thought true or a lie?

I had to evaluate the statements that came into my brain. My value comes from what other people think of me. The truth is, my value is not determined by man but by God. I need the affirmation of others to know my worth. My worth does not come from man but from God. Countering my lies with the truth of God’s Word was a powerful practice for me, but it wasn’t a one time fix. It was more of a lifestyle change.

What are the lies you have believed about you?