The Grace Marriageናሙና

DAY 4—Grace and Gratitude

Who knows the very worst about you? Your past, weaknesses, anxieties, and flaws?

Your spouse gets a front-row seat to the things you are probably least proud of and would rather the whole world not know. However, your spouse also knows your finest qualities and the good you do that no one else sees.

Knowing the best and the worst about your husband or wife, you get to choose what to focus on. You can choose to dwell on the bad and live in frustration. You can choose to focus on the good and live in appreciation.

You can be your spouse’s biggest critic or their biggest fan. Choosing positivity over negativity will feel like a struggle sometimes, but it’s well worth the effort. Your spouse, just like any other person, will thrive in an atmosphere of gratitude and wither when criticism is dominant.

Philippians 4:8 says, “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Satan is referred to in Scripture as the accuser of the saints. He is constantly telling us we are guilty, we are failing, we are missing the mark and condemned.

Yet we can go to war against the great accuser by being great encouragers. We can battle for an atmosphere of life in our homes by pointing out the evidence of grace and godliness in our spouses.

Not only will this help our spouses, but it will also help us and our marriages. This is a way we can be transformed by the renewing of our minds (see Romans 12:2). We will be walking in the Spirit when we are grateful, giving thanks in all things. We will get stuck in a self-pitying, self-glorifying loop when we dwell on what we wish were different.

It’s important to note that emphasizing grace and gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring issues and struggles. The courageous, timely addressing of problems is necessary for a healthy marriage. And when hard conversations need to happen, two spouses who live in a state of gratitude for each other tend to navigate issues much better than those who are in a cycle of perpetual criticism.

So fight, if you must, to focus on the good. Consistently seek the positive. Encourage one another. Build one another up. Look for evidence of God’s grace, and you will find it.