Marriage And Disabilityናሙና

The Two Become One

Do you know of a marriage that has withstood the test of time, lasting forty years or longer? Do you know a couple that has been together so long they have taken on each other’s characteristics? Have you heard of a spouse passing away, only to have the healthy spouse fall into decline soon after? The two had become one.

In Ephesians 5:31, Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, explaining God’s design for marriage from the beginning: a covenant relationship that reflects Jesus and his love for the church. Jesus laid down his life for us in love, and he asks us to do likewise.

It can be easy to read this portion of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians and hone in on what our spouse should or should not do. But his point was not to give us ammunition for judgment. Paul begins by calling spouses to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). There are no qualifying conditions—not even to submit only if one’s spouse does the same.

When we marry, we enter into a covenant relationship. Each spouse has a role in this holy union, but if we become more focused on our unmet needs or our struggles, the union suffers. Marriages impacted by disability may be more susceptible to having unclear roles, and problems can result. While many might dismiss biblically prescribed roles as old-fashioned, marriages lived as God intended can best endure the trials of life.

Paul begins with wives, calling them “to submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). This does not mean she has less value or holds less weight in decision-making or should be a doormat. The wife is her husband’s helper and partner, giving love and respect to her husband as head of their family, which was part of God’s original design (Genesis 2:18). For husbands, Paul provides specific instructions on loving their wives as they do their own bodies and “as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25).

Finally, within this framework, Paul calls the two to oneness. We must let go of our culture’s expectations and our own preconceived ideas about what marriage is and embrace God’s design, which brings two imperfect spouses together in mutual submission. A marriage rooted in love and respect reflects a powerful picture of the unity between Christ and his church.