Prodigal Parent Processናሙና

Grieving 

Israel has had a very long history of being a prodigal from God. The scripture is full of many stories of God delivering them from walking away and getting into idolatry and sexual sin. They follow God for a while and then repeat the cycle of being a prodigal.

In Matthew 23:37 Jesus says, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who killed the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often have I longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”

It is clear Jesus is expressing the Father’s heart of grief for his prodigal children, and this grief lasts a long period of time. As a parent, you will go through the cycle of grief. 

The process of grief is well known today, but let me apply this to you as a parent of a prodigal. Remember, grief is a legitimate process you go through when you have to accept this loss in your life. 

The first stage of grief is shock. This is when you first find out about their choice to leave God, and/or you, or about the secret life they’ve been hiding.

Denial is the second stage of grief, and can last days or decades. You simply refuse to accept or believe that your child has chosen to take this.

Anger is the next stage. You feel angry that they choose to reject God, and often you and/or your spouse, and sometimes the whole family. This is legitimate to feel anger, although we need to be healthy in how we deal with this stage of grief. 

Bargaining simply believes, if “X” did or didn’t happen, my child would not be a prodigal. Actually, bargaining is where many parents get stuck blaming themselves, each other, the church, the prodigal’s friends, etc., but being a prodigal is 100% the prodigal’s choice. 

Sadness is a part of grieving. You’re sad your child is walking away from the Lord and His blessings. 

Acceptance is the final stage of grief. I find this has two parts for a parent of a prodigal. 

1. Accepting fully your child is a prodigal rejecting God and he or she is having those consequences.

2. That your parenting did not cause your prodigal to reject God.

You will grieve like the Father grieved, so I recommend you find other parents of prodigals who you can connect with and encourage and support one another.