Ephesians: Tear Down These Wallsናሙና

In our cultural moment, marriage has been redefined and revised to accommodate a growing plurality of ideas and worldviews. Even outside  the recent debates around definitions, marriage has become profoundly undervalued and overvalued at the same time.

Does God have a vision for our relationships? 

Ephesians 5 is a starkly counter-cultural vision for marriage. Setting aside the debate around roles in marriage, this passage speaks to our cultural moment in a number of ways.

First, marriage has become over-valued. 

The Bible’s picture of marriage is profoundly other-centred. It’s a relationship of loving service, centred around unconditional love for other person. It is modelled on the love that Jesus has for us. 

Sadly, marriage for many is simply a pursuit of personal happiness with the expectation that a spouse will meet all my needs. Unrealistic expectations are often quickly shattered leaving a marriage in shambles. 

Making your spouse the ultimate source of your happiness, meaning, and satisfaction is a weight too heavy for them to bear. Only Jesus can meet that need in us. 

Marriage in the church is often seen as the only way to be complete and whole. We have little narrative and vision for singleness. This is largely because we have made too much of a romantic view of marriage. 

Second, marriage has become under-valued. 

Marriage is a picture of the ultimate marriage between Jesus and his bride, the church. Every marriage is a living reminder of God’s unconditional love for us and our future. It has profound significance as a symbol of the gospel and a sign to future hope. 

Yet for many, marriage is seen as a commodity. Sociologists speak of the commodification of society. Sadly, our culture has turned relationships, including marriage, into a commodity to be obtained. We “need” a fulfilling career, financial stability, a house, and a spouse! And if (like a career, car, or house) our marriage is no longer satisfying us we simply scan the market for a new one that will.

As a church community, both marriage and singleness have the potential to point us beyond ourselves. 

Sam Allbery says, “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us the sufficiency of it.”  Both point us to the truths of the gospel but they do so in different ways.

Whether you are single or married, we can all fall into the trap of over-valuing or undervaluing marriage. Our sufficiency, happiness, and meaning are all found beyond our relationship status. They’re found in Jesus alone!