Saving Your Marriage Before It Startsናሙና

Can You Say What You Mean and Understand What You Hear?

A traditional Navaho wedding was taking place outside of Seattle. As was customary, tribal couples crowded into their Hogan, a Navaho dwelling structure, to offer counsel to the newlyweds.

One man cleared his throat as if to speak, but at that very moment his wife kneed him in the back. So he kept silent. Later he again cleared his throat, but again felt his wife’s restraining knee. It happened a third time.

As the guests filed out, the wife with the knee asked her husband, “Why did you say nothing?”

“I was going to, but each time I was about to speak I thought you didn’t want me to.”

“I nudged you three times to get you to speak,” she protested. “What would you have said?”

“I would have spoken of the importance of communication in marriage.”

It’s nearly impossible to exaggerate the importance of communication in marriage – as well as the difficulty it presents for most couples.

Experts estimate that 70 percent of our waking hours are spent either taking information in or giving it out. Thirty-three percent of that time is devoted to talking and 42 percent to listening. We communicate more than just about any other human activity.

So why do so many married couples have communication problems?

One big reason is busyness. In a national survey of married couples, researchers found that, on average, we spend less than three minutes of meaningful conversation together in a typical day.

Yikes! Can you believe it? At this stage in your relationship you may be saying, “That will never happen to us.” We get that. And we believe it – as long as you are intentional.

So what can you do at the outset of your marriage to combat busyness and ensure that you have meaningful time to talk? What honeymoon habit can you put in place? In practical terms, how do these biblical passages shed light on what you might need to do?

Are you reading the book Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts yet? If not, you can learn more here.