Parenting God’s Wayናሙና

Areas for Successful Parenting: Personal Value

A sense of personal value is vital for every child. Only when this area is carefully tended can a child grow to be confident and sure-footed through the many trials and circumstances of life. You can help your children have a feeling of personal value by providing them with three things: a sense of worth, a sense of belonging, and a sense of competence. 

A sense of worth develops when you let your children know they’re treasured and important. When you express your enthusiasm that they’re part of your life—and treat them as priceless gifts from God—they’ll understand their great worth and will be insulated against voices to the contrary. Tell your children how much you cherish them. Show them by making time for them, listening and being observant to care for all their needs. Teach them how much they’re worth in the eyes of their heavenly Father, who “knit [them] together in [their] mother’s womb” (Ps. 139:13, NIV). When children understand how much God loves them and feel that love mirrored in the unconditional love they receive from you, they’ll develop a healthy and crucial sense of worth.

A sense of belonging is also essential to your children’s development. God’s Word tells us how important it is for each person to belong to a healthy group—one that’s beneficial and life-giving. He “places the lonely in families” (Ps. 68:6 NLT) and commands us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 6:2). Be attentive in providing each child with a place and role in the family. Meals, outings, and conversation are simple but important opportunities to strengthen everyone’s sense of belonging in your family group. When your children know they’re accepted and serve a purpose in your family, they’ll feel secure and supported. This sense of belonging will also enable them to relate positively to more wide-ranging groups, such as church fellowships, classmates, and workplace colleagues.

Finally, your children need a sense of competence in order to build their understanding of personal value. They must know others believe in them and trust them to accomplish their goals, both great and small. Always be an encourager to your children. Remind them of the many passages in Scripture that tell them God is their helper, and with Christ Jesus as their Savior, they “can do all things through Him who strengthens [them]” (Phil. 4:13). As they step out with courage, relying on God’s help and your support, their successes will give them confidence to go even further, while their setbacks will not hinder them from trying again. A sense of competence is a great motivator in life, as well as a great defense against discouragement. 

As you instill a sense of worth, belonging, and competence in your children, you’ll be providing them with a foundation for emotional stability and success in life. Build them up continually in the knowledge that they are of great worth, have a place in life, and can accomplish whatever God calls them to do.

Digging Deeper

1. Do I always treat my children as cherished treasures with great value? Or are there times when my own frustrations in life may be causing my words or behavior to subtly undermine my children’s sense of worth? How can I address those frustrations today and repair any damage going forward?

2. Does our family provide a strong sense of belonging for all of its members? What are some steps I can take to positively reinforce the importance of each child and the joy that his or her presence brings?

3. As I guide my children’s efforts at tasks from walking to building a career, are there signs they’re propelled forward by a healthy sense of competence? Or do they seem easily discouraged? Is it time to help them build new confidence by defining some reasonable goals and celebrating their successes? How can I use Paul’s words in Philippians 3:13-14, or other verses of Scripture, to encourage them to push through failure to victory?