Stop the Fighting - Part 1: Breaking the Cycles of Unhealthy Conflictናሙና

A “Not Good” Cycle

Devotional Content:

Nancy and I have had many cycles in our marriage. Some of them were good; others were not. One of the “not good” cycles centered on the “not good” way we were handling conflict. If something happened that bothered one of us, we would stuff it.  “Stuffing it” means that instead of dealing with what happened in a healthy way and resolving it, we would either act like it did not bother us or give the other person the silent treatment for a day or two. Either way was not good. You can only stuff so much until you reach your limit and then all the “stuffing” comes flying out. Once the explosion was over, we would resume our cycle and nothing changed. That cycle was killing our marriage.  

Conflict in marriage is normal. You are never going to agree on everything. You will never see everything eye to eye. So you have a choice. Keep fighting the way you have been fighting or change. This is what I want you to consider. Keep short accounts.  When something happens in your marriage that bothers you you have three choices.  First, you can decide it is not really a big deal and let go of it. That works because you made a choice. You chose to not make this a battle. Second, you can give it to God.  Instead of you handling it, you let Him handle it and you leave it in His hands. Third, you can write it down and set a time to talk it through. That’s your “short accounts” list.  Something happens and as a couple you deal with it. You don’t stuff it. You don’t ignore it. You wait until there is a good time that works for you both and you talk it through. No more explosions. No more unhealthy cycle. It’s your choice. All three ways work. Let it go. Give it to God. Deal with it. What will you choose to do?

Today’s Challenge: 

On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest, how important is forgiveness in your marriage? Why?

Going Deeper:

Dr. Kim talks about keeping “short accounts” in your marriage. What is your first step to do that with your spouse?