Our Daily BreadSample

When We Don't Know What To Say

- Anne Cetas

Roy Clark and his father sat in the family car in the funeral home parking lot for several minutes. As a teenager, he wasn’t sure how to respond when his dad put his head in his hands and moaned, “I don’t know what to say!”

A friend from their church had been in a car accident. She had survived, but her three daughters had all died when a truck hit their vehicle. What could they say to their friend at a time like this?

In the Bible we are told that during Job’s time of grieving, his three friends came to mourn with him and to comfort him. For the first 7 days they sat and wept with him because he was in deep sorrow (Job 2:11-13). “No one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great” (v.13). Their presence alone was a comfort to him.

But then they began to lecture. They told Job he must have sinned and that God was punishing him (4:7-9).

When Job was finally able to respond, he told his friends what he needed from them. He asked for reasons to continue hoping (6:11), for kindness (v.14), and for words that did not presume guilt (vv.29-30).

Remembering the story of Job and his friends may help us when we don’t know what to say.

Lord, give me sensitivity

To people in their grief and pain,

To weep with them and show Your love

In ways mere words cannot attain.

—Sper

When someone’s grieving—listen, don’t lecture.