The Mental Mindset of Mary, Martha & MeSample

SECURE OR INSECURE?

The story of Mary and Martha offers us a great case study around the identity mindsets of the two sisters. Their behavior, vastly different from each other, tells a story and gives us insight into the heart of their identity. One reveals a secure identity that fuels her authority, resulting in a posture of peace despite the circumstances. The other has an insecure identity, which drives a performance posture, resulting in her trying to control authority when circumstances appear threatening.

So, how do we know the types of mindsets that Mary and Martha had? A trained counselor knows that behavior tells a story. A person’s reactive behavior, especially when triggered, gives you insight into the potential narratives they tell themselves in that moment. In fact, in the story found in Luke 10:40, we are given the narrative that Martha was thinking. She said to Jesus, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?”

DON’T YOU CARE? You don’t need a psychology degree to decipher those three words. We don’t know how much time had passed between the text telling us that Martha was distracted and her yelling to Jesus, “Don’t you care?” but I imagine she was stewing. I imagine Martha had all sorts of ruminating conversations in her mind that built up to her lashing out at Jesus. These conversations reveal the state of her soul. It was not at rest, but in distress.

• Was she panicking that she was going to fail in her hospitality skills?
• Was she angry that she was left alone to do it alone?
• Was she jealous that Mary was sitting where she desired to sit herself?

Regardless of what the reason was, what we can be sure of was that she was not happy. Her soul was not secure and at rest but insecure and in distress.

How many of you have come to that type of conclusion? When you’ve faced triggering circumstances, have you concluded that Jesus doesn’t care? Maybe you have even shouted those very words out to Him. Now, before you think this is a typical “chick” conclusion to make because we “can be so emotional at times”, this phrase was also used by a group of men who verbally attacked Jesus.

Mark 4:36-38: Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

In the above passage, we find Jesus and the disciples in a boat during a storm. The text says that waves began breaking over the boat, filling up with water. Let me pause right there and point out a key nugget to process.

Any triggering event in your life that rocks your “boat” will expose what you place your confidence in.

In this story, the disciples' confidence was in the boat, which was now under threat, thanks to the waves caused by the storm. That resulted in them panicking. For Martha, her confidence was in her ability to meet the dinner preparation deadline, which was now threatened by the lack of support from her sister. That resulted in her panicking. Like Martha, the disciples woke Jesus by shouting, “Don’t you care?” There was insecurity in their posture, narratives, and reactions.

The key insight from today’s session I want you to reflect on is the narratives you tell yourself in triggering circumstances. We can find ourselves in an external storm, but it is the story we tell ourselves that either creates an internal storm of insecurity and distress or security and rest.

DEEP WATER QUESTIONS:

• What experiences in your world reveal insecurity in your soul?
• What concluding narratives have you come to about your value amidst the storms you face?
• How are those narratives adding to the distress you are feeling?
• Can you discern the difference between reality, what you are going through, and your value, what God thinks about you?

PRAY:

Lord, I pray you shine your light on the lie narratives I have believed about my value. Help me grow in discernment around the truth of who I am in Your eyes despite the storms of life around me. Help me fix my eyes on you.