Your Longing Has a Name 5-Day Reading PlanSample

What Your Soul Needs

Having the right people in your life makes the vital difference in whether or not your soul survives or suffocates in hard times. In fact, the Bible actually begins by uncovering our aching need for friendship. In the book of Genesis, after creating Adam, God said “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (2:18).

Did you see that? God created the first human, placed him in a garden, but immediately identified something was deeply wrong. He was lonely and needed a helper. The word ‘helper’ has all kinds of negative connotations today. We envision someone subservient, like an apprentice who hands an electrician a wire cutter or an assistant to the regional manager.

But the word (ezer in Hebrew) literally means “lifesaver” or “rescuer.” It’s used in other places in the Bible, such as when Israel was being besieged by enemies and they put out a desperate call for help. We also see it in other verses to describe God, who comes alongside us when life is falling apart. Husbands, there’s a reason we say she’s our better half. She literally is.

Adam had it all. An eye-popping garden. A world free from the ugliness of sin. A vibrant relationship with God as he walked with him in the cool of the day. But still, there was something missing. In spite of everything Eden had to offer, his heart yearned for more: friendship with another human.

We need the tangible, physical, with-us proximity of others to be most fully alive.

The Celtic tradition devised the term anam cara, which means “soul friend.” It was how you’d describe someone who allowed your soul to flourish and gave you affectionate space to honestly confess and uncover the secrets of your heart.

Friendship brings a vulnerability and depth that builds your faith, bolsters your courage, and breaks your fear. Like a mirror, they allow you to see things about yourself you wouldn’t ordinarily see on your own. Friends have the intrinsic agility to draw things out of you that you didn’t even know were there.

The Old English word for “friend” is kith, which means “knowledge communicated.” But it’s not merely the knowledge we reveal about ourselves that makes friendship thrive; it’s the knowledge friends reveal to us. Their zany disposition, biting humor, wit, sarcasm, opinions, and perspectives unmask aspects of your personality that have been there all along but tend to reveal themselves when that person is around. You find yourself laughing more when you’re with them. Or dancing more. Or thinking more. Or maybe angry more, in which case you may want a different friend!

Friendship yields an inner wholeness that nothing else can (which explains why, when you lose a friend, you also lose a part of yourself). When you’re loved in such a way you can authentically be you—heart open, words transparent, with no secrets, agendas, or ego—your soul feels safe. No, more than safe; you’re accepted. In a world where it’s increasingly hard to trust, where competing voices clamor to sell you their product, engage with their profile, further their ambition, and promote their narrative, a friendship unconditionally whispers: You belong.

It’s that sense of belonging, I suspect, that will make heaven dazzling. When you belong, you can breathe. You can rest. In the presence of God, every soul will be open, clear, and loved. Those around you will draw out more of your soul’s beauty. Can you imagine how rich this eternal perspective will be? Each person will radiate something we could never see on our own, of ourselves, others, and God. Like going from 2D to 3D, heaven will magnify the truth we always suspected: “Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27).

Maybe that’s why genuine friendships can feel so much like heaven now.

Response

Take a moment and thank God for your closest friends by name. As you pray, share specific ways they helped your soul flourish.

Friendship isn’t accidental; it’s intentional. Are you open to new friends in this season of life? What are some practical steps you can take to cultivate new friendships? Inviting them over for a night of food and games? Meeting up this week over a cup of coffee? Asking them to share their story with you?