Change Your Words, Change Your MarriageSample

Take a test run: “Oops, I really didn’t mean that.”

How many times have you read this verse? "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34, ESV). I've read that verse hundreds of times. Each time I read it, I confess, I am still in a little bit of denial. Deep in my heart's recesses reside thoughts, judgments, fantasies, and criticisms (Jer. 17:9-10). I am stunned by some of the words that have crossed my lips and come out of my mouth. Oh, the hurtful things I have aimed at my spouse! (Prov. 12:18)

I've made every excuse possible along the way:

• "I haven't been feeling well today; that just slipped out."


• "That didn't come out the way I meant it."


• "I take it back; I take it back; I take it back!"

And then, if I dare, the most explosive excuse of all: 

• "YOU must have misunderstood me."

Each of us has had that dreadful experience of saying something to our spouse, and knowing we were in deep trouble the second it left our lips. What we said can range from hurtful to embarrassing. To compound the horror, sometimes, it is said in front of other people. I would be hard-pressed to conjure up a sadder feeling than how I felt after I said a cutting word to my spouse in another person's presence. Are you relating to what I am saying? 

But this is why we are here. We want to replace criticism, sarcasm, judgments, complaining, and gossip with words of encouragement and affirmation.

Let me give you a hint that will help. Pay attention to the rhythm of your life and words. Are there recurring situations where you don't respond well? Are there certain people with whom you let your guard down and talk too honest about your spouse?

As you progress through days of fasting negative and harsh words, you will become increasingly sensitized to the negative words of others. In particular, you will begin to notice the words coming out of your spouse's mouth. Attempt to keep your ear on the words coming out of your mouth, though. No playing word police with your mate!

For today, consider: What have you already started to notice about the words other people speak around you? Have you heard anyone complain, judge, or criticize lately? What about gossip—has that happened around you recently as well? Talk about these issues with your spouse.