Homegrown: Cultivating Kids in the Fruit of the SpiritSample

Growth Begins in the Home  

Paul wrote in the New Testament, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). The Greek word for “training” in this verse means to counsel, and refers to placing the mind in a proper place, as to reason with our kids by “warning [or] admonition.”

This is where we see a clear distinction between raising our kids with natural character traits and cultivating the supernatural fruit of the Spirit. 

Raising our kids with character traits is not a bad thing. Yet in the natural world, one character trait at the expense of another can be challenging. For example, teaching our kids to be nice to others is noble. But if our kids become nice because they’re afraid of rejection, the character trait is built on selfish motives. Instead, when we teach our kids that kindness means we look out for the best interests of others, we can cultivate the supernatural work of the Spirit in our kids to faithfully confront their friends for wrong behavior in a gentle, kind, and loving way, patiently waiting for the “right time and procedure” (Eccl. 8:6). 

Granted, this happens when we as parents “remain in” the vine ourselves (John 15:4-5) and lead our kids “in the way of the Master” (Eph. 6:4, The Message). 

To emphasize this point, one research study set out to find the top ten parenting strategies that achieve the outcomes we’re looking for in our kids. As you may guess—and consistent with remaining in the vine—love and affection came in at the top of the list. But what shocked even the researcher is that the second greatest parenting strategy to get the outcomes we’re looking for in our kids is how a parent manages his or her own stress. 

As parents, we will mess up. We will say things we regret. We will yell. We will be inconsistent. However, as Romans 8:1-2 confirms, beating ourselves up for it does no good.

In fact, research shows that if we can be emotionally safe with our kids just forty percent of the time, we can still get the outcomes we desire in our kids. Why? Because research shows that “repair” is one of the greatest parenting strategies you have as a parent. What does the Bible say about repair? It calls it forgiveness, and it tells us to practice it—a lot.