Finding God In The Change: Fight Fear, Failure and FatigueSample

The Power of One Word

Over the years, I’ve learned the power of one word to sharpen my mind, focus my thoughts, change my habits, and reorder my inner world. In every transition, I am grateful to have that practice, because I need to hold on to the truth, when I am in a dark or difficult place. 

During the beginning of my recovery journey from an eating disorder, drugs and alcohol, I worked hard to create new roadmaps in my brain, so that I could create healthy coping mechanisms to replace self-loathing and self-harm. Addiction had worn deep grooves into my brain patterns, and every time I faced obstacles, or lies about who I was, or pain from my past, I felt unable to unpack my struggles, unable to share honestly with myself, with God and with others.

I was in need of exit ramps, to help me get off that well-worn highway of thought patterns that led to destructive behavior – something simple that I could return to again, and again, so that recovery was possible. At the time, I saw everything through the lens of what I had done, and what had been done to me, but I so deeply craved freedom from shame, fear, control, anger and addiction. A word helped me return to what is true. One of my first words, was love, and I spent a solid year with that one, because hate threatened a hostile takeover – hatred for myself, towards those who had hurt me, towards God for the dreams that felt dead to me. Directing my mind to the word love began to rescue and transform me, especially as my mind traveled down that familiar highway: You’re not good enough. You’ll never be enough, even though sometimes you’re too much. You’re ugly, and awful, and nobody likes you, not for real. You are your mistakes and failures; there’s no redemption or hope for you. If you show people who you really are, and how much you struggle, they will leave you. Honesty will cost you connection, so don’t do it. 

Then, my body would respond to those thoughts. The familiar tightness of the chest, followed by an overwhelming sense of failure, then an inner surrender to helplessness and hopelessness, accompanied by an urgent need for relief. And in the final stage, panic would fill my body and mind, which almost always led me to act (overeat, drink, numb out, etc.). Saying, or thinking, the word LOVE disrupted that terrible tension. Wait, I’d think, I am lovable. People like me. I like me. I am enough. I have been created with a purpose. I am God’s masterpiece. I am not the sum of my mistakes. Failure is not my future. Sharing helps me with my struggles, and deepens my connections. I am worthy of love, because I am made in the image of God, and I am not alone. We all have issues, problems and pain – that is the truth of the human story. I can reach out, and I am going to be okay.

One word disrupted my thoughts, created an exit ramp off the highway, and helped me build (and continue to build) a new road internally to rest, and over time, I continue to establish new grooves of truth in my brain, pioneering new patterns, until they are my consistent, daily habits, and my new way of operating in the world. During transition, we need this more than ever, because we are shifting our mind, heart, and life from what was, to what is. 

Change creates disruption to who we are, to how we live, and as we become a new person through a season shifting, we realize we have built our lives around who we were, and we must make adjustments to be who we are, on the way to who we are becoming. If we have struggled with addiction, and decide to quit, perhaps we’ll have to leave behind some people and places in order to change. If we have lost a friend or family member to death or abuse or divorce, we might have to develop new routines, go to therapy, or deepen the friendships we have in order to make it to the other side. If we move to a new city, we’ll need to grieve what we left behind in order to accept what is ahead. Great gain always, simultaneously, means great loss. 

Moving forward with strength, means facing reality, leaning into it, and trusting the process. After accepting reality, we can dream, plan and prepare for the future with hope.

PRACTICE: What is one word you can focus on during this season, that will help you navigate the change in front of you? Can you take a moment right now to place it on a few strategic places to help you remember – like your computer, bathroom mirror, refrigerator, steering wheel?