Profound Mystery: Marriage Lessons from EphesiansSample

Thankful Spirit

I had fully intended on clearing the sink of dishes, but after washing the two big pans I got distracted. Later that evening, lying in bed, my wife turned to me and said, “About the dishes …”

Uh oh, I thought. I completely forgot to finish them! My mind immediately began to race. What had I been doing? Why had I gotten distracted? I needed to come up with an excuse—fast.

I had just begun to form my defense when she said, “Thank you for scrubbing the big ones. They’re heavy, and I really appreciated you taking care of them.”

My mouth opened, but no words came out.

In marriage, a spirit of thanksgiving can make a huge difference. What you focus on most is what you’ll notice most. 

If you give thanks for your spouse’s efforts at provision, then you begin to notice efforts at provision that you once overlooked. If you give thanks for your spouse’s efforts at cleaning, you begin to notice examples that you never saw before. 

Focusing on the negative can have the opposite effect. The more we complain, the more evidence we find to justify our complaints. This breeds disappointment and bitterness and often spills out in the form of crude jokes, curses, insults, and sarcasm. 

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to focus on the positive.

My wife and I have different ways of viewing time. To me, 15 minutes early is on time. To her, two or three minutes late is no big deal. This has caused much friction in our marriage over the years. 

One day, as I was sitting in my car fuming because she wasn’t ready, I realized I should shift my focus. I began praying for my wife and thanking God for making her the perfect companion for me. As I did, I began to realize why she is usually late. God gifted her with a deep desire to take care of the needs of others. While I was sitting in my car judging her, she was preparing a bag with snacks she thought I might appreciate later that afternoon. 

On my own, I would have never realized this. But by tapping into God’s mysterious power, I was able to appreciate her thoughtfulness. 

Next time you find yourself wanting to complain about your spouse, try thanking God for your spouse instead. You may be surprised by what you notice next.

Pray: Lord, I confess that I am often faster to complain than I am to thank. Help me to appreciate my spouse as Your perfect gift to me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For more on thankfulness read, “Gratitude is a Choice” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth on FamilyLife.com.