Relational VampiresSample

Critical Relationships

A workplace study by researchers Emily Heaphy and Marcial Losada found that on the most high-performing teams, there are nearly six praises given for every one critical comment. The worst-performing teams had a ratio of 1-1, or in some cases, even three critical comments to one positive one. 

Think about the teams you’re on. At work, at home, at church, on the field, wherever. What’s your ratio? Who’s giving most of the praise? Who’s doing most of the criticizing?

Just like the Apostle Paul reminded the Thessalonians, we need to build each other up, not tear each other down. So that’s where we can all start. Audit your relationships and improve your ratio. 

But what if you’re constantly on the receiving end of critical relationships? No matter what you do, it’s never good enough. Life.Church Pastor, Craig Groeschel, has identified four helpful options for responding to critical people. 

1. Often you don’t need to respond. When they hurled insults at Jesus, He did not retaliate. Sometimes overlooking unfounded criticism is a way to practice forgiveness in real time. It’s not pretending it didn’t happen; it’s a conscious decision to let it go and forgive.


2. Sometimes you respond carefully. Respond, don’t react. The main difference between people who respond and people who react might be the amount of time they spend calming down first. Because when emotions are high, wisdom is low. Use compassion, prayer, and time to help you respond carefully. 


3. Occasionally you listen and make a change. Remember, the highest-performing teams aren’t without criticism completely. That’s because sometimes our critics are right! Especially when they’re constructive. Are you hearing similar criticism from multiple sources or regularly from someone you trust? It may be time to make a change. 


4. Always guard your heart. Guarding your heart is not just protecting yourself from critical people—it’s also guarding your heart from becoming critical of others. People who guard their hearts don’t need to find weakness in others to feel somehow superior, because they find their confidence in Christ. 

Consider: What actions will I take to change the ratio for the better in my relationships?