What's Here Now?Намуна

Shoulds are everywhere. Like harmless and helpful prompts, they almost always start as a small suggestion—an innocent promise of something better.

• I should floss more.
• I should drink less coffee.
• I should drink more water.

These shoulds seem innocuous, like the sticky notes I write for myself when I think I might forget to do something or pick up something from the store. They aren’t trying to sabotage you from living in the present moment. But such little reminders are very different from obligated shoulds. Like a never-ending tornado spinning with frenetic energy, obligated shoulds always send messages that your future won’t work out unless you obey all their unspoken rules. They are single-minded in their attempt to pluck you out of the present moment and force you to rehearse a future filled with an endless checklist of unspoken and unrealistic expectations. Obligated shoulds are like squatters taking up free room and board in your mind with the relentless ambition to always be your boss. Regardless of their specific message, they almost always fall under the same category: you should do better/be better. Who you are in the present moment is not good enough . . . but if you do everything the subtle messages instruct you to do, then in the future, you will finally be who you should be.

Letting “should” be the boss will never lead you to the life God longs for you to live. If there is one thing I have learned from letting far too many should-storms blow through my life, it’s that should says yes even when yes is not best. Whether you’ve put a should on yourself or someone else has put a should on you, should never leads to freedom. Living under the weight of unhealthy obligations is like carrying an emotional debt made up of a million unspoken assumptions. The debt stealthily piles up over time and slowly silences your voice, leaving you wondering if you are just meant to grin and bear it through this life.

Should says you have no choice, but by sitting in the present moment—breathing in what is true and exhaling what is not—you can begin to realize that love is stronger than obligation and always leaves you with a choice. Love never operates out of obligation. Love offers options. Love is the overwhelming reality of a God who enables us to choose what we otherwise would not choose. So instead of should, love offers a new pattern.

The other area to focus on today is how control takes us out of the present moment, trying to make something different about a future we are not yet in. Waiting on God and surrendering control go hand in hand. They cannot be separated. Look at every person in Scripture who was invited to wait on God.

• Noah had absolutely no control over when the flood would be over.
• Daniel had no way to know if and when he would get out of that lion’s den.
• Joseph sat in prison due to a crime he didn’t commit, and he had no control over if and when he would ever get out.
• Sarah and Abraham could not get pregnant, and they had no control over if they would ever have a child.
• Jacob waited and worked for years for the true love of his life, Rachel, and then had no control over the fact he was given a different wife, Leah.

And there are so many more. When God invites you to wait, that invitation always includes surrendering control. While waiting sounds sluggish and sedentary, surrendering control is anything but neutral. Taking your hands off your personal steering wheel is an active spiritual experience that can only happen while practicing the power of the present moment.

Most of us hope that letting go will be as simple as letting a balloon float away. It sounds sweet and tender, watching that control waft away into the bright blue sky. But in my experience, control is more like the kudzu that wrapped itself over every part of my backyard, choking every possible item it could get its vines on. Control touches every part of you. God wants to open every part of you tightly wrapped up in control. Your overprotective and watchful heart. Your self-righteous and dogmatic thinking. Your resistant and defensive body and any soul tie that has taken emotional authority in your life. Surrender is deep work, and it happens in the heart, mind, body, and soul.