Fully Devoted // Pure WorshipНамуна

The Reframing of Love

You put pressure on yourself in a day. The pursuit of me you can twist into something you attain. You do this with love, too. Let me tell you some things about your heart, about relationships, and above love.

For a relationship to be pure, the desire for the other person must be pure. It is the desire to know and be with that person purely for the sake of him or her, not for just what they will give you. 

You can think about this idea in regard to how you treat people in your life. Are you kind because you want them to be kind? Are you gentle, endearing, patient, generous, only because you hope they will be those things to you, in return? They might be. Or they might not. Does this mean you stop being kind? Caring? It is important to be genuine in your affections. To love another for the sake of loving them, not for what you hope they will do for you in return. 

Too much emphasis is placed on what you get rather than whose you are. When this happens, the burden of love is placed upon them. Rather, it should be placed upon me. It is not that the other person is incapable of loving you; but resentment builds up in your soul when your love for another is dependent upon your personal measurements, your assessments—of their love back to you.

Love gets twisted then, a commodity to be traded, manipulated, and used as a form of control. Love can’t be used as control. You can’t pretend to love someone, care for someone, do nice things for someone, for the sole hope of them loving you back. That is making your love for them an idol. Anything you love more than me, any preoccupation with love for others more than me, will become a burden. For you can’t help but put stock in their opinion, their reception, their reciprocation of the love as the most important thing you receive. And you forget me. 

The only pure way to love is love that is self-forgetful. Self-forgetful love is love for the sake of love. It is the act of loving from a place of knowing how very dearly loved you are. You are incapable of loving, in a pure way, you see, until you let yourself be loved by me. My love fills you completely, when you let it. I never run out of it. You cannot need my love too much. You cannot ask for it too much. You cannot deplete me, tire me, make me impatient or resentful or disappointed in you by asking me to love you again and again and again. Everything—all love—comes from me. And that is why love cannot be used as manipulation to control others. It cannot be a commodity to be bartered and used and traded. Love, to be love, must be given freely, without judgment, without condemnation without condition. 

For love to be pure, nothing should be expected in return—at least not from the other person. (I know you are uncomfortable now, when I say this.) But hear me: love can be expected in return . . . from me. And you can expect love from me. I see you. I know you. I am in the room. I know your every thought, your every emotion, your every move. 

So when love feels isolating, unforgiving—-give these feelings to me. For I equip you to love others and be filled up by my love when you love purely, and your love for others is motivated by your love for me. Nothing else. Any other love that is motivated by anything than love for me is not love. It is manipulation. 

Watch what I do through my love in you. Watch the power of my love when you love others in my name. Watch how lives are changed when my love in you is poured out freely because you just can’t help but give it, show it. For my love is the beginning of all hope and connection, the end of isolation and rejection, the beginning of healing and communication, the end of qualification and condemnation. Love is the power that resurrects, restores, redeems. It a power above all powers. It is the only thing that represents who I am. What I do. What the point is of this life. So let yourself be filled with my love and know that my love for you is everything you need. It is the destroyer of manipulation. It gives and gives. All because, in my love, I never hold back.

You can expect me to blow your mind with my love. Stop making love an expectation for what others will give you. Make it a turning to me, expecting that my love’s power will never let you down.

Exercise:

How well do you love the people in your life?

In John chapter 13, Jesus’ gives us a commandment about that: to love each other as He does. He commands us to love just like He loves us and just as much as He loves us.

Whoa, right? How’s that going? Well, in our lives, I’ve got to say, it’s not always going so well.

With our human hearts, so inclined toward self-preservation rather than sacrifice, Jesus’ commandment here seems like a downright impossible standard . . . until we remember that the Standard lives within us. He is right here in us. The Spirit of Jesus dwells inside each one of us. 

So we don’t have to try to do this by ourselves. We don’t have to try to conjure love on our own. No, all we have to do is allow Him to love through us.

Here is what we just heard from God: “The only pure way to love is love that is self-forgetful. Self-forgetful love is love for the sake of love. It is the act of loving from a place of knowing how very dearly loved you are. You are incapable of loving, in a pure way, you see, until you let yourself be loved by me. My love fills you completely, when you let it. I never run out of it. You cannot need my love too much. You cannot ask for it too much. You cannot deplete me, tire me, make me impatient or resentful or disappointed in you by asking me to love you again and again and again. Everything—all love—comes from me. And that is why love cannot be used as manipulation to control others. It cannot be a commodity to be bartered and used and traded. Love, to be love, must be given freely, without judgment, without condemnation, without condition.”

When you hear these words, who is it? Who in your life has been difficult for you to love?

Now that you have someone in mind, let’s ask Jesus for help. Let’s ask Him to teach us how to let Him love through us. Let’s ask Him to show us what He sees when He looks at the person you brought to mind.

What does He love about them? What delights Jesus about him or her? What about them makes Him want to sing or laugh out loud with joy?

So let’s pray, and then let’s quiet our hearts and minds and wait and see what He wants to show us.

Jesus, I confess that my heart is not pure without you. I confess I try to love, so often, from a place of selfishness, from greed, from a desire to get something from someone, not for the sake of loving that person with the love You give me. So, will you help me? I need you to come and replace this hard heart of mine with a heart of flesh. I want to receive all of Your love and then give it out to the people in my life—particularly the person You know I struggle to love well. 

Please forgive me for my hard-heartedness. I repent of the false way I’ve been trying to love people—through control, through manipulation, through deceit, through withdrawal. I turn away from these ways . . . of trying to earn and use love for my own benefit, and I turn to You and to Your true, pure love that You give so freely, so abundantly. I receive Your love. Help me learn Your way of loving, with Your pure heart in mine.

As I listen now, will you show me what You see in this person I struggle to love? You know him or her. So, what do You see? What do You love about them? What brings You delight when You are with them?

Give me words or pictures or whatever thoughts you’d like. I am listening.

Jesus, thank you for how You speak. Thank you for being here with me. And in the moments when I am with this person, help me to remember You, to know that You are in me, I am not alone, and that Your love is my treasure, my comforter, my redeemer.

I’m going to pray to you now David’s prayer in Psalm 86 :

Lord, bend down to listen to my prayer.

I am in deep trouble. I’m broken and humbled,

and I desperately need your help.

Guard my life, for I’m your faithful friend, your loyal servant for life.

I turn to you in faith, my God, my hero; come and rescue me!

Lord God, hear my constant cry for help;

show me your favor and bring me to your fountain of grace!

Restore joy to your loving servant once again,

for all I am is yours, O God.

In Your name, Jesus, Amen.

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