Neighborology: Living Out Christ's CompassionSýnishorn

Finding Solitude

Our relationship with Christ comes from His journey with us and our pilgrimage in life’s wilderness—climbing prover­bial mountains and learning to find joy and contentment as God transforms our lives. Even though God’s love for us has remained unchanged, our love for God often runs hot, cold, and lukewarm.

This is certainly true for me. Like the apostle Paul, I of­ten don’t do the things I know I should be doing and do the things I should not be doing (see Rom. 7:15–20). At times, I have been fearful and frightened, feeling worthless or without value. I have felt alienated from people and from God: afraid to reach out and distrustful of those reaching in. This is why I must find more and more solitude with God—and also why I am so afraid of it.

In his book Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life, the late Roman Catholic theologian Henri Nouwen describes how most of us fear being alone and, therefore, fear solitude.

Our lifestyles are vehicles for anesthesia. Panic occurs when we have run out of distractions and are brought close to aloneness. The lonely, hurting, suffering people reach out to momentary, illusory experiences, self-deceits that say “now everything will be better.” People desire more and more receive less and less. We need a journey of the spiritual life. We must find the courage to enter into the desert of our own loneliness and by gentle and persistent efforts change it into a garden of solitude, from restless energies to a restful spirit, from outward cravings to inward searching.

Yes, the process of discovering what Nouwen calls “entering the desert” is a risky one. It requires that we commit ourselves to that solitude where spiritual lives are formed. Out of this solitude, we find a new calmness of spirit, a freedom from old, negative, and locked-into patterns of feeling, thought, and action. This process uncovers the very being of our souls. It exposes us and makes us vulnerable to God Almighty. It makes us participate in becoming known by God. Acknowl­edging our sin, pain, and brokenness is part of true repentance and confession. Yet, as difficult as this process is, we don’t go through it alone; the Holy Spirit empowers us step-by-step to place our burdens on Him (see Matt. 11:28–30). And as we learn to care for ourselves, we are more able to care for and be good neighbors to others.

Solitude also makes intimacy possible. We must, through solitude, empty ourselves of self and listen to what God is saying to us about making room for others. Yes, solitude is very much connected to our work as ministers of mercy! It deepens our affection for one another: we are free to love one another because God first loved us. In moving from loneli­ness to solitude, we are able to move from anxious reactions to loving responses as we are transformed by Christ and His forgiveness. True repentance comes from a Spirit-led desire to change. It sets us free and leads us to worship and service. This new freedom leads us from a lifestyle of caring less to a lifestyle of caring more, from hostility to hospitality.