Love, Intimacy and Sex in the Second Half of Marriage: Part 1 - LOVESýnishorn

Love is Listening

If you have read my books or blogs, listened to my podcasts or follow me on social media, you know that I think listening is essential in marriage. James 1:19 is one of my favorite verses and in it, the first thing James instructs us to do is to listen.

I don’t think you can have an awesome marriage if you do not both listen to each other well.

That is a strong statement, but I believe it is true. I’ve read that 97% of couples that say they communicate well also say they have a good marriage. And if the most important part of communication is listening, then listening well is essential to the health of your marriage.

But it doesn’t come easily for most of us. Luke 8:18 tells us to “consider carefully how you listen.” Listening is not the same as hearing. We have to first value listening and then be very intentional to develop that skill.

I usually know when Nancy is talking to me. It is then that I have to make a choice. I can choose to hear her, which means that I kind of listen, at least, well enough to know when to nod my head or say something affirmative. I can get by with that for a while, but does it connect us? Does it give us what I want in our marriage? No and no.

Proverbs 18:13 warns us not to answer before listening. When Nancy is talking, I want to choose to listen to her. That means I eliminate all distractions as best I can. I look her in the eyes. I focus on what she is saying, so I can respond appropriately.

Listening connects us and gives us what we both want in our marriage. It tells her that I love her and that what she says is important to me. It goes both ways. She has the same choices, to just hear or to really listen. Listening to our spouse well seems to have a really positive effect on a marriage. If you give yourselves a good grade on listening today, keep it up. If your listening needs work, make it a priority.

Not only does it show love, but it also sets the stage for your love to grow as you listen well to each other.

Things to Think About

• How well do you listen to each other?
• Do you listen better today in the second half than you did in the first half? Why or why not?
• How do you know if your spouse is listening to you?
• How do they know if you are listening to them?