"Forgiveness at the Center"

Every relationship brings together two sinners. I'm not being pessimistic; I'm just being honest. Everyone makes mistakes. And marriage, no matter how much you love someone, is going to have somehard times. In marriage (and in relationships in general) you are going to get hurt. It's NOT if, but when. The question is: What you will do when it happens?
Julie and I will be married 40 years in December. I need a lot of forgiveness. I have extended forgiveness. And if you have been married more than 24 hours, you know exactly what I mean. If you have any relationship of any type with another human being, you know what I mean.
If you're here today and you're not sure you want to sit through a sermon about marriage, stay with me. What I am about to describe works for every relationship, because it is the way people heal. You may not agree with everything I say. But if you listen, you will recognize that I am offering a path to freedom and peace.
In Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive. Seven times? That sounds generous. The rabbis of his day taught three times was sufficient. Peter doubles it and adds one for good measure.
Surely Jesus will be impressed. Jesus answers: 70x7. That number is supposed to make a point... Jesus is saying, "stop counting." Forgiveness isn't a transaction. It is a way of life.
Then Jesus tells a story. A servant owes his master ten thousand talents. In today's money, that is a LOT of money. 240,000+ years of wages! If you started working when the tower of Babel was built, you would still owe money today. Jesus' point is that this is not a debt you repay... this debt owns you.
The servant falls on his knees. He begs. And the master does something remarkable. He does not give him more time. He does not restructure the loan. He does not negotiate the terms. He cancels the debt.
The entire impossible amount, gone. This is what God does for us. Every unkind action. Every ugly word we say. Every selfish act. Every time we choose ourselves over everyone else. It is a debt we cannot pay. But Jesus can. On the cross, He paid the debt we owed. When he said "It is finished," he meant it. The account is settled. Not because we deserve it. Because He loves us. Forgiveness at the center. That’s how relationships thrive!
Back to Matthew 18. Watch what happens next. The forgiven servant walks out a free man. Billions in debt erased. A fresh start. He has experienced extreme grace. And the first thing he does is find a fellow servant who owes him a hundred denarii. About 5 weeks' wages. Real money. But compared to ten thousand talents? It is like the difference between a mortgage payment and the national debt.
Imagine. You just walked out of bankruptcy court. Your every debt wiped away. Your name cleared. And on the way to your car, you see someone who owes you $40. And you grab them by the collar and demand payment. You threaten him. You have him arrested. That is what the servant does. He grabs the man by the throat. He demands payment. He throws him into prison. How could anyone do this?
How do you forget that kind of mercy? How do you walk out free and then grab someone by the throat? What happens inside a person who has been forgiven everything and then forgives nothing?
Don't we do the same thing? We have been forgiven an unpayable debt by God. Then our spouse forgets something, and we lash out or act cold to them for 3 days. God shows us outrageous mercy we do NOT deserve. Then our spouse says something hurtful, and we hold it with resentment for years. We keep mental ledgers. We remember every slight. We build our cases against each other. All the while, we forget that our own case was already decided. The verdict was guilty. But the sentence was paid by someone else!
When we refuse to forgive, we act as if we have forgotten what God has done for us. We become debt collectors even though our own debts have been paid.
Let's be clear about what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not pretending the hurt did not happen. When someone wounds you, the wound is real. You don't have to smile and act like everything is fine. That's denial, and denial doesn't heal anything.
Forgiveness is not removing consequences. If trust has been broken, rebuilding takes time. Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation, but reconciliation is a process that cannot be rushed and takes time.
Forgiveness is not staying in danger. If you are in an abusive situation, get to safety! That is not failure, it is smart. God does not ask you to stay where you are being harmed. If this is your situation, please get help right away. Seeking the help of a pastor or Christian counselor is not failure of faith, it is wisdom.
So, what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is letting go of the debt. It is refusing to let someone's mistake define your relationship forever. It is saying, "What you did was wrong. It hurt me. And I am choosing to let it go, not because you deserve it, but because I have been shown outrageous mercy I did not deserve."
Imagine your hands closed tight around a jagged stone. That stone is the offense you hold on to. You can feel its weight. You hold it so long your fingers start to ache. It has become familiar and you are getting used to it.
Forgiveness is opening your hands and letting the stone fall. You may need to do the same thing again and again. Feelings take longer to catch up than making the decision. That's okay. Feelings are changeable. Keep opening your hand. Keep letting go. And refuse to pick that stone up. Forgiveness at the center. That’s how relationships thrive!
Here's a step you can take this week. If there is something you are holding against your spouse/neighbor/friend/co-worker, bring it to God. Let it go. Ask God to help you see your own need for grace and mercy. Then go to that other person. Not to attack them or shame them, but to begin the healing. Say these words if you need to: "There is something I have been carrying. I'd like to talk about it. And I want us to move forward together."That's not weakness. That's courage. That's how you live when you have been forgiven MUCH.
After the service today, we are offering couples a chance to reaffirm their vows. This is not for perfect couples. This is for forgiven couples. Two people who know they need grace and have decided to keep giving it. If you would like to join us, stay after the service. It will take just a few minutes.
I don't know what wounds you are carrying today. But I know the One who can heal them. I don't know what resentment has taken up residence in your heart. But I know the One who can set you free. Jesus has canceled your debt. The impossible debt you could never repay, He paid it for you. You are free. Now go and do the same for others. Not because they deserve it. Because of God's grace and mercy in your life. Forgiveness at the center. That’s how relationships thrive!

Closing Prayer: Lord Jesus, you are the one who forgives. You took our debt to the cross. You paid what we could not pay. Help us to live as forgiven people. When we are hurt, give us the strength to forgive. When we hurt others, give us the humility to ask for forgiveness. Heal the wounds
we carry. Restore the relationships we have damaged. Make us people who extend the grace we have received. In your name we pray. Amen.

Renewal of Marriage Vows
February 15, 2026

Would all couples who wish to reaffirm their vows please stand and face each other. Take your spouse's hands. You are here not because your marriage is perfect. You are here because you know it doesn't have to be.
You have been forgiven much. And you have chosen to keep showing up for each other.

I will ask you to respond together after each line.

Do you reaffirm the vows you made on your wedding day, trusting not in your own strength, but in the grace of God who holds you both? We do.
Will you continue to forgive as you have been forgiven, letting go of what is past and pressing forward together? We will.

Now repeat after me:
I do not hold your debt against you. You are not your worst moment. I choose you again today. Not because we are perfect. But because I love you and we are forgiven. Jesus and His grace is at the center of this marriage.

God of mercy, you cancelled debts we could never repay. Now seal this
moment in the hearts of these couples. When the hard days come, remind
them of today. Remind them of the stone they chose to let go. Remind them that your grace is bigger than any wound they carry. Bless these marriages. Hold them close. In Jesus' name. Amen.

You may embrace, kiss, or simply hold each other close. You are forgiven
people living a forgiven life, together.