Summit Church
The Kingdom Way Pt 5 | Marriage, Divorce, and Vows | Jim Ladd
Locations & Times
Summit Church
7200 S Clinton St, Centennial, CO 80112, USA
Sunday 10:00 AM
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https://launcher.nucleus.church/flow/415b9052c1eb8a5656fdMatthew 5:31-37 NIV
““It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
““It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
Matthew 19:3-10 NIV
“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.””
“Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.””
The Big Idea:
Every relationship decision you make is a statement about God.
Every relationship decision you make is a statement about God.
Three Relational Decisions that are Theological Statements:
1. Your Decision to use Power in Your Relationships
The mechanism of bondage is one-sided power.
Malachi 2:16 NIV
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard and do not be unfaithful.”
“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard and do not be unfaithful.”
The transformational idea of the Kingdom is power to love that serves.
2. Your decision to Marry or Divorce
Scholar David Instone-Brewer has done extensive research into what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage. He holds that “the Old Testament recognizes four grounds for divorce. The first three are neglecting to provide food, clothing and conjugal love (by either husband or wife), and the fourth is committing adultery. . . . Abusive situations were covered by these laws, because physical abuse and emotional abuse are extreme forms of neglecting material support and physical affection.” Instone-Brewer points to Exodus 21:7-11, which “allows the victim of abuse or neglect to be freed from the marriage.” In a culture where polygamy was practiced, “the point of this law was to ensure that the first wife was treated fairly. It says that the husband would not be permitted to withhold food, clothing or conjugal love from her. If he did neglect any of these, she would be able to go free—that is, she could get divorced.”
Myron S. Augsburger gives four reasons for the destruction of marriage in our culture:
- Loss of moral integrity/personal responsibility
- Inability to find meaning in the disciplines of commitment
- Selfishness that wars against covenant commitment
- Constant promotion of the sensual at the expense of holistic sharing
Jesus Gave His Answer in Three Parts:
1. Don’t be preoccupied with divorce. Be preoccupied with the meaning and institution of marriage.
The permanence of marriage does not force something foreign onto romantic passion; it creates an ideal environment for romantic passion to grow beautiful, healthy, and strong.
2. Moses did not give a command, he gave a concession
3. Divorce is as serious and permanent as marriage
1. Don’t be preoccupied with divorce. Be preoccupied with the meaning and institution of marriage.
The permanence of marriage does not force something foreign onto romantic passion; it creates an ideal environment for romantic passion to grow beautiful, healthy, and strong.
2. Moses did not give a command, he gave a concession
3. Divorce is as serious and permanent as marriage
3. Your Decision to Make or Break a Vow
The Third Commandment is where divorce and oaths intersect.
“You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses His name.” (Exodus 20:7)
Proverbs 20:25 NIV
“It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows.”
“It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows.”
Response:
- How do you use power in your relationships?
- What do your relationship decisions say about God?
- Who in your Oikos needs you today?
- How do you use power in your relationships?
- What do your relationship decisions say about God?
- Who in your Oikos needs you today?
Discussion Guide
OPENER QUESTION:
- Rate your relationship skills on a scale of 1-10 and explain your score.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Is it a universal truth that one person always has more power in the relationship than the other? Why or why not?
2. What makes a person think that they hold more power? What makes a person think they hold less?
3. How did Jesus exercise His power advantage over all of us? What did He choose to do with His power advantage? What can we learn from this?
4. What are the elements that create power differentials in a relationship? (Physical, intellectual, economic, spiritual, etc)
5. What do you consider to be legitimate grounds for divorce?
6. What does Jesus think are legitimate grounds? The Bible’s legitimate grounds?
7. Jesus said that there are legitimate grounds for divorce, and that this is a concession for our hardness of heart. How do you reconcile or connect those two ideas?
8. Why is making an oath a bad thing?
9. What prompts us to do more than give a simple yes or no?
10. What are the conditions under which you feel free to no longer keep your word in a relationship?
11. What is the main thing you are hearing from this discussion?
- Rate your relationship skills on a scale of 1-10 and explain your score.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Is it a universal truth that one person always has more power in the relationship than the other? Why or why not?
2. What makes a person think that they hold more power? What makes a person think they hold less?
3. How did Jesus exercise His power advantage over all of us? What did He choose to do with His power advantage? What can we learn from this?
4. What are the elements that create power differentials in a relationship? (Physical, intellectual, economic, spiritual, etc)
5. What do you consider to be legitimate grounds for divorce?
6. What does Jesus think are legitimate grounds? The Bible’s legitimate grounds?
7. Jesus said that there are legitimate grounds for divorce, and that this is a concession for our hardness of heart. How do you reconcile or connect those two ideas?
8. Why is making an oath a bad thing?
9. What prompts us to do more than give a simple yes or no?
10. What are the conditions under which you feel free to no longer keep your word in a relationship?
11. What is the main thing you are hearing from this discussion?
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