Last week we started this series talking about 5 Propellants that will help you grow in your relationship with God. Stillness, Surrender, Sacrifice, Sanctification, and Embracing the Spirit’s Power.

All of these are designed to help spur you on to a better relationship with God so that you can experience the more you were made for. In your relationship with God, you are going to have to do these 5 things daily.

Yet, in any relationship, with God, a spouse, family, anyone else, it takes some things to make it work, and to continue to make it work. We all know how we are when we start something. We’re excited, we’re all in, we’re disciplined. Like when you get a new car. NO ONE EVEN THINK about eating in here. Two months later, there are month old french fries in that crack between the seats. As time goes on, we tend to loosen our discipline, lower our standards, and the result is our relationships begin to suffer.

In light of Friday being Valentine’s Day, (you’re welcome fellas), I thought I’d quickly share 5 things that will help you keep your relationships with God and others operating in such a way that you can really experience the fullness in those relationships God wants for you.

1. It takes work.
Relationships take work. What is work? Work is effort that produces.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.
It would be super easy for me to give you this point and simply tell you that working on your relationships is something that honors God because when you work on your relationships, you are working for God.

This is very true. If you want God’s best in your relationships, then it is going to take you working in that relationship as if you were working for the Lord.

You should work at your relationships for at least 2 reasons.
First, you want the benefit of a strong, healthy, godly relationship. In a marriage relationship, you want your spouse to be your best friend. You want them to believe in you and love you. You want someone who is willing to stick with you thick and thin. In sickness and in health till death do you part. Don’t believe the lie that good marriages happen without hard work.

2 Thessalonians 3:10
If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.

You cannot expect to eat the fruit form the seeds you never sow and the plants you never tend. The grass is not greener on the other side. It is greener where you water it. The best relationships are ones where both parties are working to make them great.

Second, because that relationship is about more than just you.
We are blessed to be a blessing and one of the biggest blessings of a strong relationship is the impact it can have on those around you.

Why should you work at that relationship?
Ephesians 4:28
Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.

Your kids need you to have a strong marriage just as much as you need it. People in this church need it, too. We need you in strong healthy relationships with friends and family. When you work at it, it produces, and that production feeds you and those around you.

Psalm 90:17
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!

A good prayer to pray as you work to better your relationships is:
“Father, we commit to working on our marriage to make it the best it can be. I ask your favor to be upon us, and that as we work to better this relationship, that you would establish the work of our hands. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

2. It takes commitment.
Covenant is a word that has been lost in today’s culture. Covenant says, “I am committed no matter what.”

What you need to understand about commitment is that it is a two sided coin. Commitment is limiting and it is liberating. It is limiting in that covenant and commitment have requirements, things you can and cannot do. Commitment means you have to say no to some things. But it is liberating in that you are able to experience the heights of what human relationship have to offer. Marriage is the highest relationship a human can have with another human. Family and friendships follow.

The problem is that our culture so celebrates independence that anything that forces us to say no or limit ourselves we see as a bad thing. This is even how we view the law. Paul even talks about this.

Romans 7:7
7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! On the contrary, I would not have known sin except through the law.

Here’s how I am asking you to see these limitations:
The law is designed to keep you from hurting yourself. And in the same way, commitment is designed to keep you from hurting your relationships.

This is one of the main reasons we advocate you getting married rather than cohabitating. Sure you save some money and of course you love each other. But you cannot get the benefits of the marriage relationship outside of the covenant and commitment.

Look at Genesis 2:18, 21-25
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

The beauty of the commitment and covenant is the ability to be completely and totally honest with your spouse and feel no shame. It is the same as thinking you can be a fully engaged follower of Jesus without ever having made a commitment to his Lordship.

Commitment may limit your actions but it liberates you to experience the more you want deep down in your relationship. We ALL want a strong, healthy marriage, meaningful relationships with our family and friends.
But if you are going to get the benefit, it will take the commitment.

We just prayed for God to establish the work of our hands, but it only comes after committing.
Proverbs 16:3
Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.

Are you struggling with your commitment in your relationships, both with
If you are, the best thing you can do right now is to either initiate or renew your commitment now.

One more thing here:
No matter what has happened in your relationship with God, no matter how far you’ve wandered, even if you have doubts, God displays his level of commitment to you in that he refuses to leave even at your worst (Romans 5:8).
He can handle your doubt while you work it out.

3. It takes believing the best.
Believing the worst is easy. Believing the best is hard. Let me give you an example. You get home late and tired and your wife has had a rough day with the kids and is under a deadline at the office, and she says something with a little more edge than you’d like. Which is easier:
To believe she is being a jerk and you should edge her back, or
believe she’s had a rough day and you should do what you can to help?

It is easier to edge her because the flesh trades eyes for eyes. But what does the Holy Spirit want you to do?

Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Is God selfish with you?
Does he do things out of vanity or conceit? Does he only care about his own interests? If you say yes, then prove it. But if you say no, then let me read one more verse:

Psalm 103:8-10
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. 9 He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever. 10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities.

If God doesn’t do that with us, why do we do that with others?

Believing the best means looking past a person’s behavior to see the person they could be. This is not to say you ignore their actions. You still are commanded to judge a tree by its fruit. But in the context of getting more out of your relationships, building them stronger, helping them get healthier than ever, it is going to take you believing the best about your spouse, family member, or friend, and responding in ways that help them become that person you see in them, not reinforce the person they are being.

This is one of the main reasons you need daily interactions with God and then godly people around you. You need those times with God because he is going to constantly speak to who he is trying to help you become. You need godly people who refuse to let you stay the person you have been.

When those two are working in harmony to call greatness out of you, your natural response is to:
1 rise to the challenge and
2 do the same in others!

Here’s a good way to think through this:
Is how I am interacting speaking to the person God wants them to be, or to the person they are now? A good relationship requires both parties working together, being committed, but also actively believing the best about each other. Are you believing the best about your spouse, family, friends?

We’re talking about 5 things that will help you experience the more you were made for in your relationships.

4. It takes humility.
Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

This is always the first verse I think about when I think of pride. You can rest assured at some point pride will destroy you and everything around you. Pride is the one sin all other sins go back to. It was the first sin ever committed. Satan before the fall “I will be like God.”

I just read Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves,

but consider this verse:
Proverbs 15:25
The Lord tears down the house of the proud

You can work your whole life to try to build something incredible of your family, yet pride will cause the whole thing to fall down.

Do you have a humble heart?
We see so many verses in scripture about how God pulls down the proud but exalts the humble. Humble yourselves and God will exalt you. Live at peace, don’t be haughty.

Colossians 3:12-15
12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Pride will lead you to a horrible destruction. Humility will lead you to healthy relationship. And what’s more is that if you refuse to be humble and instead embrace pride, God himself opposes you.

1 Peter 5:5
Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

So take a look at your relationships. Do you feel God’s grace or his opposition? If you feel opposition, are you walking humbly before God in that relationship?

I know you want to do right, walk properly, grow and develop.
Psalm 25:9
He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.

Do you need to let go of pride and embrace humility so you can experience the more you were made for?
It might be as simple as an “I’m sorry,” or, “I was wrong,” or “I need help.”

5. It takes forgiveness.
Romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Everyone. We have all failed. We have all hurt someone. We have all been guilty. But not all of us have forgiven.

I know you might not want to forgive, but I need to tell you two things.
1. If you don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you.

Matthew 6:15
If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Notice there is no caveat. Just forgiveness. How many times? Not 490, but unlimited. How fast? Only as fast as you want God to forgive you.

2. Forgiveness is the only way forward.
If you are going to open your heart to someone, you are going to risk getting hurt. That risk is going to require you forgive. Why? Because at some point they are going to do something that requires you forgiving them to move forward.

Note: This doesn’t mean you have to stay in a situation where you are constantly getting hurt. God can forgive an adulterer. You can, too. But just because you can forgive them doesn't mean you have to continue to endure the abuse of a habitual adulterer. Biblical forgiveness does not require reconciliation. If someone sins against you, yet they keep on sinning with no regard for you nor indication that they are going to change, you don’t have to stay in that place of abuse. In fact, I’d tell anyone in that situation to cut ties and move on.

Again - so we are clear - I am not advocating divorce if your spouse cheats. I advocate restoration. But if that cheating spouse continues to cheat with no remorse and zero indication of life change, I’d say get out.

But you still have to forgive them.

Forgiveness is one of the few things you give to someone else but that benefits you more.

I want to give you two verses to help you embrace forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Hurt people hurt people. In the same way, forgiven people forgive people.

Psalm 103:10-14
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

This is how God deals with us. He knows we are human. He knows we fail. But look at what it is that causes him to remove our transgression, have compassion: his steadfast love.

If your love for the person who hurt you isn’t enough, let your love for God help you forgive.

If you are going to experience the more you were made for, it is going to require you forgiving. That doesn’t mean that what they did was right.
But it does mean you are going to be led by love and the Holy Spirit, not your flesh and emotions.

It takes work.
It takes commitment.
It takes believing the best.
It takes humility.
It takes forgiveness.

When it comes to your spouse, what does more even look like?
Family, friends, your relationship with God, what does more mean?

Are you willing to work for more? Commit to it? Believe the best? Be humble? Forgive?
Father, what is keeping you from more in my relationships right now?
Whatever it is, give me the courage to take a step today towards the more you made me for.

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?

How does he want you to respond?