Welcome to Waymaker Church! We are so excited to have you join us today! We exist to Encounter, Live for, and Advance the Kingdom of God!

This morning, as we jump back into our insta-family series, we are going to look at the topic of healthy dating. Now for all the married people in the room, don’t tune out the message thinking this is only for young people or singles. I have some thoughts I will share as well about dating in marriage (and no that does not mean you get to date someone other than your spouse…wanted to clarify that in advance).

What I can tell you as we begin this message is that I am not a relationship expert, nor am I Dr. Phil. You can open any search browser and find endless dating advice. The challenge is that sometimes the advice is conflicting, confusing, or downright stressful.

“Don’t spend too much time alone with them” vs. “Make sure you spend lots of quality time together.”

“Date for no more than two years” vs. “You have to date for at least two years.”

“Date different people before getting serious” vs. “Only date people you see as a potential spouse.”

“Don’t be too clingy” vs. “Make sure they know you’re interested” vs. “Relax!”

With all of the varying thoughts where do we begin when it comes to healthy dating?

Keep the main thing the main thing. You will forever hear me say that Jesus must be a priority in your life. There is no scenario, whether it’s single, dating, or married, where Jesus is not the priority. The prize of life is a relationship with Him.

The aim of our life is to seek and serve Jesus. He must always be our primary pursuit. The rest of our life is an overflow of our relationship with Him.

Why is this so important? You will need discernment when dating. In the initial stages of dating, everyone puts their best foot forward. They work to say the right things, do the right things, and woo the other person.

While it is nice to be on the receiving end of such treatment, it is important to get to know the real person behind the scenes.
It is one thing to look good and potentially put on a good act, but in reality, are they good? Do they have good morals? Do they have godly character?

You will need discernment to see beyond the potential act to the consistent actions of the person. Part of the process of dating is that time reveals. Anyone can put on a good show for a little while, but ultimately, they will let their guard down, and you will see the real person.

Discernment is rooted in your nearness to Jesus and your ability to hear His voice. The best part is that God is not absent in our lives.

If you will walk with Jesus He will guide you through the process of dating. You will know whether a person is right for you or not.

Now, let’s take a moment to look at a few practical ways to approach dating.

1. Stop looking for “the one.”
I believe there are some beautiful love stories out there, but I don’t think there is specifically one person that God has for you out of the 8 billion people on the planet.

From a practical perspective, loving someone is a choice; later in marriage, it is a consistent commitment to someone until death do you part.

Take off some of the unnecessary pressure that gets put on a dating relationship. People often talk about wanting to find “the one,” and that just doesn’t exist. No one person is going to complete you. Only Jesus can fulfill your deepest desires to be known, seen, and loved for exactly who you are.

Instead, look for someone else who is passionately pursuing Jesus and who can help you be a better Christ follower. Don’t missionary date by trying to change someone.

The amplified bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.” Most often the good is corrupted by the bad, not the other way around.

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

2. Slow down.
Desperation is never a good starting point. It can lead to the acceptance of substandard relationships that aren’t healthy. 1 Timothy 6:6 “Now godliness with contentment is great gain.”

Don’t worry and overthink every interaction. Every date you go on doesn’t have to be a frantic search to answer the question: “Is this person ‘marriage material’?” That’s a recipe for anxiety.

Instead, prioritize getting to know people and hearing their stories. Not all Christian singles in your age group are right for you. So, focus on forming friendships, and don’t stress yourself out trying to picture a future with everyone you go out with.

Remember, time reveals. Rushed pursuits rarely result in good decisions. Take the time to get to know the real person.

3. Set boundaries.
Boundaries are a crucial part of dating. Think of them as guardrails. They are not to keep you from perceived fun but from brokenness, heartache, and the effect of guilt, shame, and condemnation through sin.

You must set healthy boundaries. From how you spend your time, how you use technology, who you hang out with, when you hang out, and where you hang out.

Boundaries help you decide how you’ll date. They set limits on where you draw the line physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Without good boundaries relationships tend to get unhealthy.

Unhealthy emotional attachment can lead to premature physical intimacy that is destructive physically and spiritually. The world’s way of dating is almost like clothes shopping. Try it all on first and if it fits then go ahead and buy it. If it doesn’t fit then discard it.

The challenge is that most don’t realize they can’t discard it because every act of intimacy knits their heart to the other person.
Mark 10:8 “and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.”

God’s purpose in dating leading to marriage is that, ultimately, the two would become one. You want to make sure that it the right one.
Boundaries in areas like physical intimacy are critical because sexual sin has consequences.

1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”

How is sexual sin a sin against your own body?
You have to understand your physical makeup. During sexual activity, the body releases chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin.

Oxytocin plays a key role in bonding and intimacy. Dopamine creates feelings of pleasure and reward. Endorphins contribute to feelings of well-being. Serotonin helps regulate mood and feelings of calmness.

Through sexual intimacy your body physically connects to another person, your emotions become bonded together, and there is also the effect of the Spirit because you are a spiritual being.

Sex is a gift from God, and it is intended to be good, but it is to be in the confines of the marriage covenant. It is intended to bring strong connection and fulfillment to the spouse relationship.

You don’t want to join yourself to the wrong person. Premarital sex and sexual sin cause your body to work against you. Ask anyone who has opened the door to areas of intimacy if it is easy to stop. The answer is NO.

The reason it is difficult is because you were created by God for intimacy. It is an area that must be closely guarded. Don’t give the most precious part of you away freely.

Your goal in creating boundaries shouldn’t be “What can I do that doesn’t cross the line?” Your goal should be “How can this relationship bring the most honor to God?”

A few red flags to keep in mind as you date.

If the other person is rushing, you. Trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do. Disrespecting your boundaries. If they start showing any signs of control, abuse or manipulation. They begin to pressure you (especially if it comes to anything sexual). Manipulation to get you to do what they want.

Red flags concerning faith. If they have different beliefs that don’t line up with the word. If they begin to mock your faith and relationship with God, or if they attempt to steer you away from your relationship with Jesus.

Healthy relationships often start with two people who feel comfortable in their singleness. They know their worth and their purpose doesn’t depend on a relationship status. They look to God for their next step and wait on His timing.

Remember, your purpose in life is to follow Jesus. Break up with expectations about what’s supposed to happen and enjoy the season God has you in.

A final thought to the married couples in the room. Don’t forget to date your spouse. In the midst of busy life and schedules put in the work to spend quality time together. Don’t allow yourselves to become roommates.

Pursue one another. Look once again to do the little things. Be consistent in intimacy. Cherish and love each other deeply.