In this series, the goal has been to show you ways to better your relationships. Some of those ways have been spiritual and rooted in the word of God. Some of those ways have been super practical, pointing you to tangible next steps.

Dealing with conflict and hierarchies. Understanding covenant and the mission. All of these weeks have led to today, and really the ultimate goal of these relationships: For you to enjoy your relationships.

Satisfaction is something we are all chasing. The Stones can’t get none of it. But we are constantly after it.

Satisfy - to meet the expectations, needs, or desires of; to carry out the terms of. Satisfaction - fulfillment, gratification

Satisfy is formed from two old Latin words satis and facere. They mean “to make enough.” So satisfy is “to make enough.”

Uh oh…we’ve stumbled now upon one of the greatest struggle of man: being enough. Where it comes to your relationships, they involve 2 people: you and them. Question: Are they enough? Are you enough? And is this why it seems we are insatiable when it comes to relationships?

I want you to enjoy your relationships. God does, too. We know Genesis 2:18 where God says it isn’t good for us to be alone. We know Ecclesiastes 4:9 where the Bible teaches that two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.

But if you’re going to genuinely enjoy your relationships, what is it going to take? Let’s wrap up this series today with this question.

To enjoy your relationships:

1. You have to seek the right things.
If you want to enjoy your relationships, marriages, friendships, family, whatever, you have to seek the right things.

I made a big deal just a moment ago about satisfaction. You want to be satisfied in your relationships, which is a huge part of enjoying them. No one can enjoy an unsatisfying relationship. The problem is that we too often try to satisfy out of our own ability. In the language of the definition, we try to be enough for the other person out of ourselves.

One of the biggest lies of the enemy is to make you believe that you can be enough. Not for your spouse, kids, family, friends, yourself, even God. The truth: YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH! And you never will be, IF you are trying to be enough out of your own storehouse.

God designed you with a need for him. God designed you with a desire for a spouse. God designed you with a draw towards other people. Yet this design was not to inhibit you, but to complete you. Jerry McGuire famously tells Dorothy that “She completes him.” Impossible!

And this is why so many relationships fail. It isn’t because of a lack of love or concern. Secular, non-biblical ideologies have created unrealistic expectations of what we need to be enough.

You will never be enough without Jesus.

Satisfaction only comes from having the right relationship with Jesus. Not with your spouse, kids, family, friends, or anything else.

If you want proof, look to Isaiah 58:11
11 And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

This is what satisfaction looks like. For example:
Monique doesn’t complete me. She compliments me.
If I put on my wife the task of completing me, not only will that leave me with unrealistic expectations, but when she fails at the task because she is a human that makes mistakes just like I am, I will translate that failure into a lack of love, leaving me thinking the relationship, and that even she isn’t enough.

But when I put my completeness on God, and rest in verses like Philippians 1:6
that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ
i find actual satisfaction in knowing that while I an not enough, God is, and if he is, then I am. And all of that exists outside of any responsibility from my wife.

Now, I can enjoy my relationship with my wife, not because she is doing what I want her to do to complete me, but because I know we are both working to be successful in our actions based on the fact that us being enough flows from God’s storehouse, not our own.

Satisfaction doesn’t come from being the right thing. It comes from seeking the right thing.

What are we supposed to seek? Easy!
Matthew 6:33
Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Remember from last week: the Kingdom is God’s will. This makes the process of seeking the Kingdom much easier when we know that the Kingdom is God’s will and it being accomplished.

When you seek God’s will first and foremost, those things that you need in the relationship will - by God’s promise - begin to happen.

Caveat: remember what you need in the relationship and what you think you need in the relationship don’t always match. We are all guilty of calling a want a need. We are all guilty of thinking something we don’t need is a need. If we will allow God’s will, his Kingdom, to dictate what we need, we will find more enjoyment and less disappointment in our relationships.

Caveat #2: remember that you cannot be in a one way relationship.
If the other person isn’t committed to working on the relationship and themselves, there isn’t much that you can do and the natural result is a broken relationship.

When we seek God’s will, satisfaction is a byproduct. My wife or my friend might say or do something that frustrates me. But I am not seeking my will. I am seeking God’s will. When I seek my own, I get angry and choose retribution. When I seek his, I have peace and choose resolution.

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
FYI: It is also better to live in the corner of a basement than in a house shared with an arrogant, selfish man.

Why do I bring up this verse? Because self-seekers are never satisfied, even with the best spouse or friend. But Kingdom seekers can be satisfied even in a desert place.

We seek his will first.
Last week I asked this: What is God’s will for your relationship? That is a broad stroke question. This week let’s refine it a little: What is God’s will for your relationship right now, in this moment?

Here’s why there’s a difference:
Broad strokes give general direction, but small strokes give specific detail. Maybe God has you in that relationship to develop each other or encourage each other. Maybe God knew you needed that person in your life like I needed Monique. She is so opposite from me!

But what specifically does that other person need from you right now? What encouragement can you give today? What life can you speak right now? What development can you help with in this moment? What do you need to say to your wife or kid or friend today?

Example:
Broad Stroke, big picture purpose.
Matthew 4:19
19 And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”
This is Jesus giving Peter the overarching theme of their relationship.


Now Small stroke, specific, detailed purpose.
Luke 22:31-32
31 “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

This is Jesus telling Peter something specific is going to happen, but I am praying for you, I am on your side, and even after you fail, not only will I still be on your side, but I still have a plan for you. We are supposed to do this same thing in our relationships!

How do we know when to lean into the broad strokes or the small ones? You follow his will, which is found in both his written and spoken word.

Written word:
Hebrews 3:13
But continually encourage one another every day, as long as it is called “Today.”
Have you encouraged your relationships today?

Spoken word:
This week on at least 4 different occasions, God put a person in my mind.
I reached out to them to check on them, encourage them. How’d you know it was God? The devil wouldn’t tell me to check on people!

FYI: His spoken word is always subject to his written word. That’s how we keep heresy from happening.

There’s so much more to seeking his will for your relationships and byproducts that come from them. Things like peace, fulfillment, encouragement, joy, and unity, but no matter these things, if you want to experience joy in these relationships, it starts by seeking the right things.

You have to seek the right things.

2. You have to do the right things.
James 1:22
Don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
The catch 22 of revelation is that you actually have to do something with the info. You ok with that?

If you want peace in your relationship, are you willing to do what it takes to get it? I know I talk a lot about John 21, but I don’t know if there is a more powerful chapter in the Bible for me. Maybe Romans 7 or 8. I love Hebrews 12. But look at what Jesus and Peter do for the sake of peace.

John 21:7-8
7 The disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea. 8 The other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off.

Jesus was on the shore. Peter could’t even wait for the boat to get there. The rest of the chapter shows that even though we never read the words, “Forgive me,” or, “You’re forgiven,” that’s what happened. Peace was more important than the offense.

If you want to experience enjoyment in your relationships, you have to do the right things.
If you want to feel what love feels, you have to do what love does.
If you want to feel what peace feels, then you have to do what peace does.
If you want to feel what grace feels, then you have to do what grace does.
If you want to feel what joy feels, then you have to do what joy does.
Get it? You have to do the right things to feel the right thing.

So…what are the right things?
There are some right things that may seem more self help than biblical, but they are all biblical.

Communicate effectively
Matthew 5:37 Let your yes be yes and your no be no.
Communicate as long as you need to so they can understand you.
But with respect and honor. The right words said in the wrong way is not effective communication.

Spend time together
Proverbs 5:18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Yes, date nights are biblical! But even beyond marriage, hang out with some friends that give life! Golf, fishing, quilting, shopping - maybe not shopping. ENJOY time with people! Hang out one on one with your kids! It is amazing how we can not pray and read and engage with God yet wonder why we seem so distant with him, not realizing that the same goes for our relationships with people! You can’t really know someone with whom you spend little to no time.

Set healthy boundaries
This is huge. Proverbs 25:17 Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
I need to do a whole series on boundaries. We ALL need them.
Monique and I
No third parties, human or otherwise.
We have unlimited access to each other’s devices.
We set expectations on household roles (cooking, laundry, etc.)
Kids
First time obedience is the expectation.
We control phone time and what you watch, no questions.
A B isn’t acceptable if it isn’t your best effort (excellence)
Family
We are the liaison between our family of origin.
Grandparents can’t spank our kids.
We address when we feel oversteps happen.
Friends
I don’t text at certain times out of respect.
I don’t like to text the opposite sex individually. (add my wife)

If you are against boundaries in relationships, it is the same principle as refusing to lock your door at night. Boundaries aren’t to limit you, they are to set expectations.

Have a realistic perspectives
Proverbs 14:12
There is a way that seems right to a man

We all have our perspectives that are borne out of expectations. But unrealistic expectations create unrealistic perspectives. Forces us to traffic in shoulda, woulda, couldas. Perspective defined: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something

Example: How Monique and I argue. I grew up in a fix it now argument style. She grew up in let’s take a break and calm down argument style. My perspective says she’s wrong and I am right. But that is not a realistic perspective. I cannot force her to do it my way, but she can’t either. The RIGHT perspective says, “Let’s discover what works for us.”

Do you have some unrealistic expectations that have created unrealistic perspectives in your relationships?

You can’t expect someone to know by mental osmosis. If you don’t communicate expectations, expect unrealistic perspectives.

Doing the right thing has to come from the genuine desire within to have the best relationship you can possibly have with the other person. We naturally want to have good relationships with people, but the question isn’t do you want good relationships, but are you willing to do the right things to have relationships that you genuinely enjoy?

You have to seek the right things. You have to do the right things. and lastly…

3. You have to deal with dysfunction.
Eve got Adam to eat a devil apple. Abraham lied about who his wife was. Jacob and Esau fought like Cain and Abel. David’s firstborn tried to kill him and usurp his throne. Even Jesus had to call Peter satan and tell him to get out of the way.

If even Jesus’ relationships had some dysfunction, yours probably will, too.

Now, we can talk about different levels of dysfunction, but let me give a caveat: If you are in a relationship that is abusive, especially sexually and/or physically, tell me today so we can get you out of it to safety. We have zero tolerance for that. Any relationship where abuse exists is one that needs immediate attention. If the dysfunction in your relationships is on the level of abuse, hear me: there is help today for you. Don’t leave without talking to someone.

Having said that. even the best relationships have some dysfunction.
The key is knowing when to address it and how. So how do you know?

You know when to address the dysfunction when the dysfunction:
- Hinders God’s will for you and/or the relationship
- Inhibits the relationship from growing
- Creates chronic negative emotions when you think about them
- The other person is in violation of clear biblical principles
- Violates the values the relationship is built upon, including crossing set boundaries
- Creates destructive habits

We could name more if we sat and thought on it, but this gives you an idea of when.
But how…you have to do it biblically.

1. Realize that everyone experiences dysfunction.
Romans 3:23
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.

All means you as well. If we expect perfection we have to deliver it. Realizing that everyone needs help gives us the opportunity to extend grace.

2. Offer forgiveness and repent.
Mark 11:25
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Amazing that forgiveness is both an act of and prerequisite for worship! Yes, the dysfunction is not what you wanted, but it is an incredible opportunity to experience both sides of forgiveness.

James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

“To one another.” As much as you forgive, repent, as well. Sometimes an apology even when you did nothing wrong is the key to unlocking reconciliation in a relationship.

3. Let others in.
Ephesians 5:11
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

Why this verse? Because when you try to just keep it in the relationship, you are actually assisting darkness and dysfunction. Telling it shines light on it. Well what happens in the light?

1 John 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

Be open to help from others, such as godly friends, pastors, and counseling professionals. The result is FELLOWSHIP!

4. Rely on the Holy Spirit.
Philippians 2:13
For it is God who is at work within you, giving you the will and the power to achieve his purpose.

The Holy Spirit can’t work with what you refuse to give him.

2 Peter 1:3
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life.

If you are trying to enjoy your relationships in your own strength and ability, two questions: 1. how’s that going for you? and 2. why? Sometimes I have the strength to make myself chill when someone frustrates me. Sometimes I have to dig into a divine source to help. You cannot succeed in this life without the help of the Holy Spirit. You can’t succeed with people either without the Holy Spirit.

5. Celebrate little victories.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Little strokes fell giant oaks. You probably won’t fix the dysfunction in one fail swoop, but one step closer tomorrow is better than a theoretical solution today. Focus on one victory at a time and pursue progress, not perfection.

This is where we land today. I want to talk to those in the room who are struggling in their relationships.

Maybe you are husband and wife and just can’t get on the same page.
Maybe you are a parent and a teen who fight constantly.
Maybe you are two friends and just can’t seem to walk together.
Maybe you have a family member and you just can’t seem to fix what is broken.

I read Isaiah 58:11 earlier.
The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

Reminds me of Proverbs 11:25
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

I know you might feel like you aren’t being watered even though you are watering. I know it makes you want to stop watering, but hear me: We don’t water to get watered. We don’t bless to get blessed. If this is why, then we are watering out of our own cisterns and not the Lord’s.

We water because we love them. We bless because we care about them. We are in this relationship for a purpose and for satisfaction and for the Kingdom. If you will let the Lord into your relationship in this moment, allow him to lead you, to deal with dysfunction in you, here’s the result:

Isaiah 58:12
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

THAT is the anointing God is releasing in this house today.
Restorers. Repairers. Rebuilders. Generation raisers.

I am going to ask you to stand today and if you have a relationship that you want to enjoy but can’t because of dysfunction, I believe God is pouring out an anointing to repair and restore the breach in your relationship

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?

How does he want you to respond?