So far we’ve talked about Conflicts and Compromises, Realigning Hierarchies, Covenants and Commitments, but today I want to ask you a question: Why are you in that relationship?

Why are you married to that person? Why is that person your friend? Most people respond like this: She was fine so I had to put a ring on it. We both like motorcycles. You know, I don’t know. We just kinda clicked. There is more to your relationships than likes, looks, and lols.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Couple questions here…
Does God have a plan for you? Are people a part of that plan?
Ecclesiastes 4:9
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.

Does God expect me to be selective with people who will be a part of that plan?
1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

When it comes to God’s plan for me, does that also mean he has a plan for my relationships?
Of course. Let’s take an extra moment on Jeremiah 29:11

In Hebrew, the words are actually:
“For I know the thoughts that i think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Thoughts: purpose. Think: devised for me. Peace: completeness.
Future: that promised to the righteous. Hope: expectancy

“For I know the intentional design I have devised for you. An intentional design for completeness, not evil, to give you that which I promised to the righteous, and with it, expectancy that it will happen.”

Most people read “purpose” into this verse. We Christians talk about purpose a lot. We ask, “What is your purpose?” Many of us spend our lives trying to discover our purpose. But I think this language is slightly incorrect.

What we are really asking is that we discover the method by which we accomplish the purpose. Word salad. What does that mean? For example: My job as a pastor is not my purpose, but the method I accomplish my purpose.

So what is the purpose?

2 Timothy 1:9
(For God) has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began
God called us not to do stuff but to accomplish, not just a purpose, or our purpose, but HIS purpose.

Ephesians 1:11-12
11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.
Purpose of whom? “Of HIM.”

Here’s what I DON’T want you to hear: “The preacher said today we don’t have a purpose.” What I am saying is that we all have specific roles we’re called to as we help Christ’s purpose become a reality on earth.

The message today simply asks this question:
How are you leveraging your relationships to fulfill Christ’s purpose?

Are your relationships missional?

How do I know if I have missional relationships? We could talk a lot about this and I am not limiting the definition to just these three things, but I believe the three most important things missional relationships do is what we’re going to talk about this morning.

My goal is not to tell you with whom to be in relationship. The goal this morning is that you begin some missional relationships, identify your missional relationships, and fulfill the purpose for those relationships.

Quick caveat - your spouse should always be a missional relationship. You’ll see why!

Missional Relationships Always:

1. Deepen your Relationship with Jesus
Are your relationships deepening your relationship with Jesus? Now I don’t mean are you only talking about Jesus every single second, always walking around in prayer over each other, etc. But think about your top 5 relationships (spouse, friends, family, whatever). Are those relationships helping you deepen your relationship with Jesus? Don’t answer yet! What does deepen your relationship with Jesus really mean?

Deepen your relationship with Jesus defined. Do those top 5 relationships:
- Encourage you and build you up? 1 Thessalonians 5:11
- Stir you to love and good works? Hebrews 10:24
- Exhort you (strongly urge you to do/not do something) Hebrews 3:3
- Speak the truth in love? Ephesians 4:15
- Sharpen you? Proverbs 27:17
- Hold you accountable? Galatians 6:2
- Draw you out of darkness and into light? 1 Peter 2:9
(BTW I have written the Bible references for these in the YouVersion notes)

Do they encourage prayer and the Word, do they speak life? Do these relationships refuse to let you go backwards, but, instead, push you to lean hard into the Lord, into responsibility, into relationship?

If those top 5 relationships are not doing these things, first, why not, and second, at least right now, it means they are probably not missional? Is the relationship one where you are just in it for comfort, or did you not even realize your relationships could have a missional component?

Did you know your relationships can have major impacts on the Kingdom? And I don’t just mean like you and your bff being like Paul and Silas.

For instance, Monique has a friend named Angela from high school. She has always been a super sweet and when they became friends in high school, Angela referred to Monique as “sunshine in person form.” She was convinced Monique was in her life to show her love and happiness.

I don’t know if people got saved because of that friendship, but both Monique and Angela got closer to God through their friendship. That is as missional to me as Paul and Silas.

Missional relationships lead you to your greatest good.
Are you living your greatest good right now? Or are there areas you need to improve? Your greatest good doesn’t point to what the world calls the greatest good. “Love yourself, be true to yourself, live your truth.” Christians are not called to support people in deepening their egotism.

Missional relationships are always pointing to Jesus, who is your greatest good, so that you can become everything he created you to be, living your greatest good, so you can make the impact in the Kingdom he created you to make, doing your greatest good.

And speaking of Kingdom, not only do missional relationships deepen your relationship with Jesus, they also:

2. Have the Kingdom in Mind
Is there a Kingdom reason you are in that relationship? What is the Kingdom? Ok, we are back to definitions. What does Kingdom mean?

Matthew 6:10
Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

We so often see the Kingdom of God being a tangible thing like the Kingdom of England, etc. However, the benchmark for a kingdom is not just that the realm has a king, but that the sovereign will of the king is being accomplished.

When Jesus says “your kingdom come, your will be done,” he was not only identifying the realm, but defining it as well.

God’s Kingdom is any realm where his will is being accomplished. “I thought God owned everything and he was king of it all.” He has all power and all authority, but the Bible specifically talks about two kingdoms other than his own:

Kingdom of Darkness
Colossians 1:13
For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son

Kingdom of your Heart
Ezekiel 36:26
26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
This change happens when we choose God rather than being ruled by our flesh.

If you want to be in God’s Kingdom, it requires us wanting to be under his rule. That means we want what he wants in our lives.

When we ask God’ Kingdom to come in us, we’re asking his will to be done in us. That is why verses like the following exist:
1 Corinthians 4:20
For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power.
I.E. not in hearing his will but doing it.

Romans 14:17-18
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men.

It isn’t about some tangible realm, but in the act of God’s will being accomplished. “Serves Christ” i.e. “Doing his will.”

Imagine you took this an applied it to the following verses, where instead of “kingdom,” you inserted “will."

Matthew 16:19
I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven (will), and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Makes more sense about binding and loosing when you understand that God is not giving you a free pass to bind and loose what you want, but the keys to understanding his will so that you can bind and loose accordingly.

Hebrews 12:28
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom (will) that cannot be shaken.
He doesn’t change nor does he waver. His will is pure and true and nothing can possibly shake it.

Luke 12:32
Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom (will).
How amazing is it that God delights in letting you know what his will actually is.

Matthew 21:31
Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you.”
They will be saved first? Or they understand his will first?

One more. Matthew 7:21
Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven (will), but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
This is proof that this idea is accurate.

His Kingdom is his will being accomplished.

So let me ask again…
Is there a Kingdom reason you are in that relationship? Is God’s will being accomplished in your relationships? Let’s look at examples of that.

Biblical Examples, some married, some mentors, some friends:
Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Moses and Joshua, Ruth and Naomi, Esther and Mordecai, David and Jonathan, Paul and Barnabas, Paul and Timothy. These relationships had the Kingdom as the focus, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. Here’s what I mean:

In my own life:
I have a friend named Stephen. I’m telling you, I love this guy. We were pastors together at New Covenant and the year before I came to plant the church, he became the senior pastor. We would hang out from time to time outside the office, but the vast majority of our interactions revolved around (and still do) building the Kingdom. In fact, just last week I had an important decision to make concerning our new campus, so i called him to get his input.

For over a decade now, we have been intentional in our relationship by having the Kingdom in mind. We’ve prayed together, ministered together, planned and executed ministry together. We’ve worked together to lead people to Jesus, led couples to marital restoration, the list goes on. Stephen and I have a missional relationship that is tangibly impacting the Kingdom.

I think it is important to understand that when we talk about relationships having the Kingdom in mind, it does not mean that everything in that is not directly impacting the Kingdom isn't important.

For instance, I have a friend I always go to Yankee baseball games with. I was just in DFW several weeks ago at the All Star Game with him. Does that mean this specific friendship isn’t important because we aren’t necessarily leading the lost to Jesus and raising the dead? Of course not. Don’t hear what I am not saying.

When I first met Jonathan, I was working at ETBU. He and I were the only Yankees fans on campus at that time, so naturally we clicked over baseball. But in the midst of that common ground, he became somebody I trust so much that when it came to us buying a house, I gave my mortgage business friend Jonathan my birthday, SSN, bank details, and just waited on him to tell me what to do. If he calls and says, “Hey, wanna watch Mariano’s last game next week in the Bronx?,” I grab a plane ticket and meet him there.

As I was thinking about my friendship with him, I thought, “I was the only other one…” It might sound crazy to you, but God used that friendship to show me I wasn’t alone. Plus, Jonathan is one of the few people I’ve ever had as a friend that
1. never needed something from me constantly
2. never treated me differently because of my pastor title
I could just always be myself with him. Do you know how freeing that is?

So when I think about that friendship, no, we’ve never led someone to the Lord together, and no we’ve never done a Bible study together. But his friendship blesses my soul. Knowing I have a friend that would drop everything and come to my aid means everything.

Sometimes missional relationships are for specific, tangible Kingdom impact. Sometimes they are simply to help you be known, loved, and developed. But for a relationship to be missional, there is a component of accomplishing God’s will that makes that relationship have the Kingdom in mind.

One more quick story to help illustrate this the best way I know how. Missional relationships can be marriages, friendships, coworkers, etc.
In this story, it is family.

A few months ago, I was on the way to the new campus after dropping Vivi off at youth. A family was parked in the driveway, clearly broken down with a bad tire. I went to help them only to discover their house burnt down after power was restored after that big storm and flood we had in May. A tree had fallen on the house and though they got the mess fixed, they didn’t know a wire was broken, so when power was restored, the place went up in flames. They were struggling so hard. A dad, mom, with 3 kids under age 12 and one autistic 13 year old. Plus a dog. They were living out of their car for two weeks, camping where they could.

I got their tire fixed, and then the car wouldn’t crank. Something with the key. Even after 30 minutes of trying, we couldn’t get the car to recognize the key to crank it. By that time I had to go get Vivi. I told some of the adults what was going on and of course Vivi heard me. By the time I got back, the key was still not working. I tried it, he tried it, Jeremy and Kristin showed up and Jeremy tried it. Nothing was working.

We wanted so badly for this to end well. I’d already made up my mind to give them a few hundred dollars to help out. But here’s what blew me away.

While I was focused on getting this guy’s car working, I turned to look at what Vivi was doing. That thing that is in me that makes me want everyone to feel like they are family, it is in her double.

Vivi was sitting on the gravel driveway with the three young kids making bracelets with her bracelet making kit.

The pride in my heart, the joy, the pleasure I had for her in that moment was incredible. She was trying her best to take a bad situation and give them a memorable experience so it wasn’t so bad. She even let them take the kit with them so they could make more if they wanted.

Look, my goal was to help this family. It was my will. I was doing that because I felt like it was God’s will, too,

We can make a lot of finding our purpose like it is some title or task, but my purpose in that moment was to help that family. And because I was trying to accomplish God’s will, seeking his Kingdom, it made the relationships around me do the same.

My daughter joined me in the mission. Jeremy and Kristin did, too.

What is my point?
When I realize my purpose is in simply seeking and implementing God’s will, I find that the relationships I have around me stop being one dimensional and temporal, and they start being multi dimensional and eternal.

I know you have relationships, but the question is this:
Are your relationships missional? Is that relationship helping you seek and implement God’s will?

3. Drive You Into Action
The most centralized collection of failed potential is a graveyard. So many people go to their graves having never experienced their potential.
Why is that?

We could say resources or life experiences, but for most people it is simply the fact that they have no one to push them, drive them, get them going. But goodness, are we careful of that! We don’t wanna be rude or mean or pushy!

How is it supposed to be?
Hebrews 3:13
But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
Exhort: to strongly urge or persuade someone to do something, or to incite by argument or advice. It isn’t forcing someone, but it is “intensely suggesting” lol (mafia)

Hebrews 10:24
Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good works
Have you ever seen a spur in action? Spurs are not designed to hurt the horse, but to create enough pressure that the horse responds.

Mission relationships include a component of expected pressure when we are in a spot where we are refusing to move.
EXPECTED pressure. You should expect your missional relationships to check you when you need to be checked! Some might say that isn’t right or biblical, that we shouldn’t push and pressure people.

What does God do when we won’t get to it?
Ask Israel. He gave them a list of what to do, they disobeyed. A lot. So God allowed nations to conquer and enslave them.

Has God ever told you to do something and you refused to do it and there after you began to experience some attack or bad situation come on you?

God isn’t mean. He doesn’t hate you. He isn’t trying to destroy you. But he will spur hard enough to get you to move.

If you are going to reach your potential, you need missional relationships with people who are dedicated to making sure you don’t stop when it gets tough, give in when it gets overwhelming, or even get heretical when God isn’t doing what you want him to do.

We can talk all day long about getting closer to Jesus and experiencing our role in terms of moving the Kingdom, but are you willing to have godly people in your life do what it takes to move you into God’s best for you?

I am daring you to move. I dare you to trust God. I dare you to take that step of faith. I dare you to jump into a serve team or join that DGroup. I dare you to sign up for the Freedom Intensive. And I double dog dare you to get some missional relationships in your life to see God’s best happen in you.

Look we have to be careful we don’t allow our relationships to kill the mission by being transactional. Don’t get legalistic with it.

But I want you to evaluate your relationships for a second.
ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS MISSIONAL? Are they moving you deeper with Jesus? Do they have the Kingdom in mind? Are they driving you to action?

If they aren’t, what do you need to do today to make them so? It starts with something as simple as voicing it to those in your top 5. Intentionality gives birth to opportunity. Where can God take that relationship if you give it to him?

If you do have missional relationships, then I need to let you in on some bad news: satan ain’t happy about it and he will try everything to stop it.

Question:
What has the enemy been doing in your relationships to stop them from being missional? Is there dysfunction in your relationship that has created the same issue that I sin loop creates? Remember, sin loops are when you do a sin and then go to God for forgiveness, and then you do the sin, forgiveness, do the sin, etc, so much so that God never has time to walk out your purpose because you are too busy wallowing in your sin. In the same way, dysfunction in our relationships take up so much time, effort, and capacity that Kingdom things have no space to operate.

Holy Spirit, what do I need to deal with in my current relationships so they can be missional?

This is how we end today. God, I need missional relationships. Will you either help me find new ones, or help me redirect current ones. God, I need to strengthen my current missional relationships. Help me deal with dysfunction, and help these relationships grow.

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?

How does he want you to respond?