If I say the word covenant, what comes to mind?
Typically people think of things like marriage, some kind of binding agreement. Covenant and commitment go hand in hand, but if we are going to talk about these two ideas and how they benefit relationships, we need to define them

Covenant: an agreement or promise, usually formal, between two or more people or groups to do or not do something specified. This is basically a solemn promise to do and not do specific things.

Biblical covenant: an agreement between God and his people, in which God makes promises to his people and, usually, requires certain conduct from them. So the same thing, but God is one of those ”people or groups.”

If we are going to properly understand covenant, we have to approach it from its source: God.

Covenant is a big deal to God. Remember back to Genesis 15 where God establishes a covenant with Abraham. He instructs Abraham to cut specific animals in half, and then God walks between the animals in the form of a flame to establish the covenant. “May it be done to me as these animals should I ever break my covenant.”

Why is God so concerned with covenants and commitments?
What is God accomplishing on earth right now? He is restoring mankind to the right relationship with himself through Jesus. That is, he is restoring the covenant he made with us.

Whether you believe in God or not, everything you do is in relation to your covenant or lack of covenant with him. No matter what happens in life, good, bad, or ugly, the status of your relationship with God, your covenant with him, determines not only your eternity, but your ability to have quality relationships now.

Your vertical covenant is essential to reaching potential with your horizontal covenants. If your relationship with God is poor, it will be reflected in your relationships with everyone else. The opposite is true, that a good relationship with God precedes good relationships with those around you.

Why is this the case?
Because a more accurate definition of covenant is actually this:
“the quest to become one.”

When we see passages of scripture like
Matthew 6:33 (seek first his Kingdom)
Ephesians 5:1 (be imitators of Christ)
1 John 2:26 (walk in the way Jesus walked)
and we see the goal is to do our best to imitate Christ, to be like him, to basically become “little Christs.”

This is the act of becoming not just like him, but one with him.

How would your life be different right now if in every single moment, you responded like Jesus would? Would your relationships get better or worse?

This is the first step to effective covenant and commitment in your relationships. Remember, if you are nothing with God, you can be nothing for anyone else.

It is almost as if Jesus is this source branch, we’ll call him a vine, and we are these attachment pieces, we’ll call us the branches, and that all of our ability to live and produce comes from that attachment.

The quickest way to boost the quality of your relationships is to deepen your covenant relationship with God.

Everything in your life - including your life - begins and ends with God Almighty. So let me say it plainly: Covenant and commitment begins between you and God first. If that covenant is weak, every other relationship will suffer.

We are called into covenant with God.

Verses
OT: Joshua 24:14-15
14 “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

NT: 1 Peter 2:9
You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

To enter that covenant with God, we commit through confession.
Romans 10:9-10
9 If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

We are called into covenant with godly people.
Verses
1 Samuel 18:1-3
As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day and would not let him return to his father's house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.

Ruth 1:17
Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.

We enter this covenant through commitment through action. It may sound strange to talk about covenant among friends, but that is only because we typically reserve this level of commitment to a spouse. Remember, we don’t misalign the hierarchy by putting a friend over Jesus, our spouse, or our kids, but we have to understand how beneficial covenant and commitment is between friends.

There will be a day when something happens and you need godly people around you. These people are those who speak life over you, who have the 5 (know you, know God, love you, love God, have your best interest in mind), but also they are people who are close enough to sharpen you like iron to iron. Have you ever thought of that process? Sharpening means grinding against something that takes little pieces away so that a honed edge results.

If you are not willing to have someone in your life who is committed enough to you (and you to them) to say things to you that sharpen you, are you really in a committed, covenant relationship? Playing it safe soothes your flesh, but it leaves you dull. I need people in my life who love me enough to tell me the truth, even if I don’t like it.

So how do you endure that hard word from that person?
Covenant is where the grace lives for that moment. A hard word is hard to receive from just anyone, but when it comes from a covenant relationship, I know the intent behind the word. (Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend)

Let me say it like this:
I can endure a hard word simply because I know that this person is on the same quest towards being one as I am.

You need people in your life, but more than that, you need to be in covenant relationship with godly people. That means you are going to have to evaluate your relationships. That means you are going to have to deal with toxic friends. That means you are going to have to deal with toxicity inside yourself, too.

You need godly friendships, but let’s take a moment and talk about covenant and commitment in terms of your marriage. If you aren’t married, don’t tune out. You can apply this when you get married, and even in your current friendships.

If our working definition of covenant is the quest to become one, let me ask this:
In the course of the last 6 months, have you been on a quest to be one, or a conquest to be won?

This is one of the main reasons covenants break down. It is when people become more committed to winning than being unified. This is a big deal because we all will argue with our spouse, but embracing the quest to become one changes the goal of the argument.

If I am in a relationship with the goal of unity, I will strive for it. That means I will even refuse my rights to justice for the sake of unity. That means I will stop counting wrongs and making lists of my spouse’s errors for the sake of love.

But if I am in a relationship with the goal of winning, I’ll strive for that, too. That means I will claim my rights to justice. That means I will keep copious lists of errors as ammo.

If you are here today and are struggling in your relationship with your spouse, you need to ask yourself: Am I out to win or to become one?

Your relationship with God started with a commitment, a covenant. Your relationship with your spouse did, too. You stood before people and God himself and made a promise. I, Jason take you, Monique to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part. This is my solemn vow.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.

We are married for a while and life becomes more of a routine and chore than a blessing and our vows add a caveat that says, “if it suits me,” and 1 Corinthians 13 includes a new exception of “when the spouse isn’t satisfying you.”

We live in a world where we throw out broken things rather than repair them. It has gotten to a place where people would rather divorce themselves than discipline themselves because they think it is easier to run away from it than repair it.

Matthew 5:37
Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’

Would you want Jesus to keep his covenant with you as hard as you are keeping your covenant with your spouse?

I am not trying to be mean here, but if you think the enemy is going to let you have a perfect happy marriage and never shoot arrows at you, I am afraid you are at the least naive and at the most completely mistaken.

Are you letting something weaken the covenant you made with God?
Are you letting something weaken the covenant you made with your spouse?

In the time we have left, I want to share three enemies and three allies of covenant and commitment.

Enemy 1: Selfishness
“Concerned exclusively for oneself with zero regard for others.” Do you know anyone like this? Does anyone here like someone who is selfish?

Selfishness makes you the star, yet is this what the Bible teaches?
Philippians 2:3-4
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

When someone is acting selfish they cannot possibly be on a quest to become one. Selfishness won’t allow unity to exist.

Oscar Wilde
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

It is amazing that this quote buttresses what the Bible teaches in Philippians 2. Not only are we not to be selfish, but we are also not to allow ambition and expectations to focus all of the attention around us upon us.

1 Corinthians 10:24
Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.

This verse in interesting because not only can we read it to say that we are not to focus our lives on our own good, but we can also read it that we aren’t to focus our lives on what we’ve subjectively decided what good is.

What about this verse: 2 Timothy 3:2-5
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.

Selfishness is borne out of reckless ambition and unrealistic expectations, which drives our hearts towards greed and broken covenants.

God has a better plan for you than you getting what you want when you want it. Delayed gratification starves the flesh but feeds the spirit. Selfishness feeds the flesh and starves the spirit.

Are you willing to lay down your selfishness for the sake of unity and godliness in your relationship?

You might think sacrifice and consideration means being taken advantage of, but you are wrong. Seeking the good of your spouse is not going to kill you. It will strengthen you and your spouse as well.

The alternative is yes, you might get your way, but as good as winning might taste, it will be spoiled by the fact you have no one to share it with.

Selfishness destroys covenant mainly for the fact that the covenant is predicated on you considering the other person’s needs above your own.
Question: Have you been good at building covenant or breaking covenant?
Let me ask like this: Have you been selfish or selfless?

Enemy 2: The Flesh
Being arrogant. Prideful. Mean. Holding a grudge. Refusing to forgive. Being combative. Keeping a list of wrongs. Refusing to say sorry, fix your issues, seek peace. Breaking your commitment. Refusing to adjust or compromise, to take blame. Saying hurtful things. Being abrasive, mad you aren’t getting your way, argumentative. Let me stop there.

This is what the flesh looks like in real time. This is what you get when you are following the wrong leader.

We know the list in Galatians 5 of the fruits of the flesh, and in that passage, Paul ends his list with Galatians 5:21
I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Note: The Kingdom of God doesn’t mean Heaven some day. It means relationship now.

Look at Romans 14:13, 17-19
13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. (Paul is talking about arguments among them concerning what they can/cannot eat). 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

The Kingdom is tied to this notion of peace and mutual upbuilding. Can you be engaged in peace and mutual upbuilding by doing the list I read a moment ago? Can you inherit the Kingdom and still be engaged in those actions?

Galatians 5:16, 25
16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

If the fruit I listed a moment ago is what is coming out of you, it is clear you are following the wrong leader. You are being led, driven, tricked, scammed, and destroyed by your flesh.

This happens when you embrace temptation. This happens when you allow a tiny irritant the space to become an offense. This happens when you refuse to be led by your Spirit and instead let your flesh control you.

Your flesh is out to destroy you and the only way you can keep it at bay is by being led by the Spirit. Because we are choosing to be led by our flesh, the last enemy of covenant happens:

Enemy 3: No Discipline
As long as I can remember, I’ve had this theory that every needs the brakes beat off of them one good time to help them understand they are not the center of the universe. Every kid needs a good whoopin lol Maybe you, too lol

But do you know anyone who refuses to be disciplined? I don’t just mean corporal punishment. They simply are undisciplined in many areas of their lives.

What does that look like?
They are unwilling to deal with their issues. They refuse to do the right thing. They are hearers only but not doers. They are convinced they are victims and always right. Do you see how this can create issues in a relationship?

Hebrews 12:11
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

This is the problem people have with discipline. It hurts. It isn’t fun. It doesn’t feel good to know you are wrong and need to get it together. It isn’t pleasant. But this is why no discipline is such an enemy of covenant. You are not perfect. You are flawed. You make mistakes. You say dumb stuff. You do dumb things. The point of discipline is to eliminate that stuff from your life. You do this so your relationships get better because YOU are getting better.

Covenant doesn’t work in a “if it is broken throw it out” culture like we have today. But if you are going to fix it, you have to have the courage to fix you first. God FIX ME FIRST.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25 Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

These are enemies of covenant simply because they seek to hinder, unravel, and destroy your quest to become one. But listen: it takes two. There is not such thing as a one sided covenant. Either you have two people committed or else covenant is broken.

Covenant is the quest to become one. What does that look like?

I love you. I am all in. I’ve made mistakes. You have too. But covenant is what we chose. That means I am not walking away. I am not giving up. I am not letting go. I forgive you. I am for you. God has a plan for us. I still choose you. I have every reason to walk away, but there’s only one that matters: I promised. I promised to love you in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for better or worse. That means I don’t get to break this up just because we’re in a rough spot. I’ll change, I’ll grow, I’ll take responsibility, but I refuse to walk away!

THIS IS HOW COVENANT RESPONDS.
I know deep down you want this. There are enemies of covenant, but there are allies of covenant, too.

If you are going to thrive in covenant and commitment, it is going to take:

Ally 1: Selflessness
You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You can’t have selfishness and covenant, either.

Matthew 16:24-26
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

Look at the language: deny yourself, lose your life, giving up gaining the world. This is the daily act of killing selfishness so that selflessness can live.

If you want to be selfish, then enjoy the world, but it will only cost you your spouse, your family, your joy, your peace, among other things, and worst of all, your relationship with Jesus.

What does it look like to be selfless?
Colossians 3:12-14
12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Covenant is easy when you realize it isn’t about you.

Ally 2: The Spirit
Hopefully I don’t have to spend much time here, but if you want to experience the covenant relationships God wants you to have, the only way is through the Spirit.

With the Spirit, you’ll choose:
forgiveness over revenge, life over death, hope over hopelessness,
love that covers over hatred that exposes,
joy that is real over happiness that is fleeting,
a quest to be one, not a conquest to be won.

The relationship you want is on the other side of you being led by the Spirit.

Ally 3: Love
Love makes you do silly things, but also some amazing things.

Galatians 5:13-14
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Love moves us to serve each other, to use our freedom to be a blessing

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.
Love is what helps us look past the action and into the heart.

There is a reason that love is so powerful in helping us keep covenant and commitment.

1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

Covenant and commitment begins between you and God.

I realize relationships can be tough and there are mountains to climb sometimes that are literally impossible to overcome. I get it. We just happen to serve a mountain moving God.

But we have to understand that no matter how tough your road has been, the only one who has had it worse is Jesus.

And he still loves us. He still is committed to us. He still invites us into covenant with him.

I am asking you two things:

First, embrace that invitation into covenant with him. Not just in a first time salvation, or even redecoration only, but in deepening your commitment to him now.

Second, no matter how good or bad your relationships are right now,
take a moment and ask the Holy Spirit to help you silence selfishness, your flesh, and your lack of discipline, and embrace selflessness, the Spirit, and love.

What do you need to do today to either re-establish or deepen your covenant relationships today?

Let’s pray

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?

How does he want you to respond?