YOU HAVE HEARD THAT IT WAS SAID...

1. DON’T MURDER…
Matthew 5:21-22…Exodus 20:13 …6th…“You shall not murder.” || internal anger is also a sin

2. DON’T COMMIT ADULTERY…
Matthew 5:27-28…Exodus 20:14,17 …7th…14 “You shall not commit adultery. || 10th…17 “You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” || Adultery is sin but so is the internal sin of lust (and coveting) || Today we are going to look at the next ‘you have heard that it was said’ statement || todays verse is a little different…dealing with divorce

3. DON’T DIVORCE…
Matthew 5:31-32…while never being the ideal end result…sometimes divorce is permissible and sometimes it is considered a sin || So when you read the Bible, there are passages that press in on sensitive areas in our lives…like last week with adultery and lust…sensitive, sometimes painful areas of our lives. These two verses today are going to do the same thing…press in on tender areas in our lives…and in preparing for the last two weeks I want you to know I have been praying for you and asking that the Holy Spirit comfort, convict and guide us as we seriously reflect on the teachings of Jesus || For those of you who have gone through divorce, or who are in the process of divorce or are thinking about divorce, my prayer is that you will listen to the words of Jesus and that God’s Word will guide you as you walk through this difficult season in your life and marriage.

--> As we look at these verses, I believe there are several things we need to hear God’s Word teaching us…

1. Marriage is created by God and is sacred, we need to honor our vows and take them seriously

2. Divorce is not the ideal but is permissible in limited situations but not mandatory

3. With relational brokenness, when possible, pursue reconciliation

[READ MATTHEW 5:31-32]…

- This verse is not the whole teaching of Jesus regarding divorce and remarriage, I think it is important to read other verses to understand the context in which he was teaching this principle

- One main one is in MT 19/MK 10…

[READ MT 19:3-9] [Parallel Passage MK 10:1-12]

- Jesus was reorienting their understanding of marriage and divorce by correcting their misunderstanding
- It was the hardness of their hearts, sin…that resulted in the mistreatment of women and the destruction of God’s ideal for marriage
- So let’s walk through this process…God’s design, what our sin has done to mess it up, and how we deal with this in our own marriages/culture

1. MARRIAGE IS DESIGNED BY GOD & VALUED BY JESUS [WE SHOULD HONOR & PROTECT IT]…

- Jesus makes the simple claim that marriage was designed by God
[GN 1-2]. God made mankind in his image, male and female…and strategically put them together for his glory

- But…Sin messed up this ideal plan…Divorce was never a part of the plan…
- When Adam and Eve sinned against God, there were consequences immediately and in the future...and part of the consequences would be that selfish desires, on both of their parts, would compete against God’s ‘oneness’ plan for them in marriage...things had been amazing, self less, loving, sacrificial…but now they would toil in their relationship and if left to their own desires they would seek selfishly their own happiness

- FAST FORWARD…and now, in an answer to the Pharisees, the reason God gave any allowance for divorce at all was because of their sinful, hardened hearts

[READ MT 19:7-8]
7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

- It was not part of God’s original plan for marriage and we desperately need to see marriage with his perspective, to seek his guidance and power and help as we learn to love our spouses the way he intended
- God hates divorce and what it does to people

[READ Malachi 2:16 NASB]
“16 “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

- When a man and woman are married, God says they are no longer two, they become one flesh (that is a big deal)...this is not just a physical reality, but also a spiritual reality.
- Marriage is the physical image of a real spiritual thing…the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Most people may not realize that or accept that idea, but this is true…this is why God values it so much...it is what Paul tells us in Eph. as he is giving inst. about marriage
- Observe how he speaks of marriage…man + woman and Jesus + Church

[READ EPH 5:22-33]

- So…We Should Honor Marriage like Jesus Does…and take our vows seriously that we made when we got married…God sees it differently than we do in our culture…we need to change

[MT 19:6, MK 10:9]
"What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

- When God joins a man and woman together, no man should not separate that union. Jesus is giving a clear statement refuting their idea about divorce…correcting the wrong understanding and practice...this is a new ethic for followers of Jesus in his new kingdom


---> But…IS DIVORCE EVER PERMITTED?

2. DIVORCE IS PERMITTED IN LIMITED INSTANCES [NOT IDEAL AND NOT FOR ANY REASON]…

- There are instances that divorce is permitted… Jesus was clear to delineate that

[READ MT 19:3]
“3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?”

- Jesus was again clarifying the reasons for divorce because the Pharisees and Scribes had drifted away from the “Spirit of the Law” and were in sin because of the “hardness of their hearts”
- This question of permission comes from a debate between two schools of thought inside Judaism regarding the interpretation of

[READ DEUT 24:1-4]

The two schools of thought that were popular during Jesus’ time…were written down by two teachers named “Hillel” and “Shammai”
- Hillel’s argument for divorce focused on “she finds no favor in his eyes”. He argued that this meant a man could divorce a woman for any and all reasons at any time…some have said even for making a bad meal!
- Shammai’s argument for divorce focused on finding some “indecency in her” which he argued meant an act of sexual immorality…adultery and all that constituted adultery including lust and various deviations.

- Obviously the Scribes and Pharisees liked Hillel’s interpretation giving them total freedom to divorce their wives for any reason at any time…Jesus reoriented them around the true spirit of the law…saying the only reason was for sexual immorality (adultery, Shammai)…
- in MT 5:32, the word for ‘sexual immorality’ (PORNEIA) is a very broad word that includes all sorts of sexual sin. Jesus was teaching to reset the standard that marriage was a valuable thing, created by God, for his glory and that unless there was sexual sin involved, the couple was to work toward reconciliation and stay married (or the result would be both of them committing the sin of adultery)

- Paul gives one more permissible reason…Abandonment

[READ 1 COR 7:10-16]

- His instruction over and over is to stay married, strive for peace, strive for reconciliation...but if the ‘non-believing’ spouse leaves, the believing spouse is free to divorce
- What about abuse? This is not directly mentioned in the Bible…but I think abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, sexual) absolutely violates the instructions God has given to us about how a husband and wife should relate to each other.
- While there are no specifics in the Bible about this, I believe it is at least a reason to separate and I personally believe it falls under the abandonment umbrella || If you are in a marriage and are being abused, separate yourself from that immediately (and your kids if it applies).
- Protection is important and then take the steps to get help and involve others into your situation so that there can be accountability
Divorce should be the LAST RESORT || [RECONCILIATION SHOULD BE THE DESIRED GOAL]… if at all possible, reconciliation is the goal (even if there has been sexual immorality)

3. SO WHAT NOW?

A. I've been divorced and am remarried…what now?
- Not knowing all of the intricacies of what happened in your past and not knowing where you are with Jesus (a christian or not) or where you were when you got divorced or remarried, it is hard to speak with authority and give specific answers.
- Generally…to those of you who are christians and are remarried, it think you have to move forward in obedience and submission to Jesus and his word in all areas regarding your marriage, your sexuality and from this point on strive to value marriage the way Jesus has taught us.
- If you divorced for unbiblical reasons, and have not repented, confess and repent your sin to the Lord Jesus and receive his love, mercy and forgiveness…he offers it and is willing to forgive us of our sins
- As you grow in your current marriage…Depend deeply on the work of the Holy Spirit for healing from your past, for strength as you endure the consequences that might be a reality for you and your family because of the divorce(s), and for conviction of sin that might be part of the reason you got divorced in your past marriage.
- The truth is, you always take you with you…so own the issues you contribute, surrender you life daily to Jesus, trust in the power of the Holy Spirit, and grow as a disciple

B. I am divorced, can I remarry?
- Again, because there are so many different situations it is hard to give a ‘one size fits all’ answer. So I am going to refer back to...

[1 Corinthians 7:10-11]
“10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

- We have already talked about the permissions for divorce and remarriage (adultery, sexual immorality, abandonment, abuse) so take that into consideration.
- So, can you or should you get remarried? I can’t give a blanket answer to that question. Ultimately, that is between you, your potential spouse, and, most importantly, God. The only advice I can give is for you to...
--> Search the Scripture and pray to God for wisdom regarding what He would have you do [James 1:5] “5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” --> Pray with an open mind and genuinely ask the Lord to place His desires on your heart [Psalm 37:4] “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
--> Seek the Lord’s will [Proverbs 3:5–6] “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths”…and follow His leading.

C. I am in the process of getting divorced or am considering it…do I have permission to do it biblically?
- As difficult as this may be to hear, God does not allow divorce for any and all reasons. According to what we have read today in the Word of God…sexual immorality, adultery, abandonment and abuse are the only permitted reasons for a divorce.
- I would encourage you to pray that God would heal your marriage, that you both would begin to love the lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, strength and love each other as you love yourselves…because of sin, this is not an easy thing to do...you absolutely need the work of the Holy Spirit in your lives

- I care about you guys, your marriage, your family and this church
This has been a text I have been praying over for weeks, knowing that there are people in this room that are struggling in their marriages, facing separation, facing divorce, actually in divorce proceedings or having been through a divorce. These are not easy words to hear from Jesus but my prayer is that you would be able to hear them, in love, and that you would simply surrender, obey and pursue reconciliation if possible.

- GIVE JESUS THE PRAISE!!
--- If your marriage is good…Give Jesus the praise!
--- If he has brought you through difficult times…Give Jesus the praise!
--- If he has protected you from divorce…Give Jesus the praise!
--- If he has restored your marriage after marital infidelity…Give Jesus the praise!
--- He is strong, powerful, forgiving, loving, merciful…and he longs for you to know him and experience the marriage that he designed for you…

REMEMBER…YOU ARE NOT ALONE… WHEN WRESTLING WITH SIN…

[HEBREWS 4:15-16]
15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

[ROMANS 8:26]
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."