DEFINITION OF LOVE…

—> Loving God…|| is tied to our OBEDIENCE || We can measure our love for God by our obedience to his commands ||
Jesus Said… [JOHN 14:15]“If you love me, you will keep my commandments”

—> Loving Your Spouse…|| Loving spouse, like loving neighbor, defined by selfless, sacrificial, love for each other…

CREATED EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT…

- CLARIFYING POSITION: We believe that marriage is a covenant relationship, established by God, between one man and one woman. God establishes this union and has given us direction on how he desires us to live and love one another in this unique relationship || being different is a design thing, it is a good thing…but in our differences we are equal…both made in Gods image…

[GENESIS 1:26-27]
“26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

- GOD made me and Rhonda in his image…Equal in value, equal in gifting…BUT Unique in our roles…

ONE FLESH…

- God’s desire for you as a couple is that you “become one flesh”…or to put it another way…that you would experience ONENESS in your marriage. We see that being expressed in the very first book of the bible and with the very first couple. It says this:

[GENESIS 2:7, 18-24]
“7 then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature…” — “18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

- ONENESS…what a beautiful image of community, respect, submission, unity, and love. || but sin messed it all up…and through Jesus we want to restore what has been broken by sin…so the NT gives us some instruction on how we should love each other as husband and wife…

INSTRUCTIONS FOR HUSBANDS AND WIVES: LOVE & RESPECT…

[EPHESIANS 5:22-33]
“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

- The Bible gives us some insight into what ONENESS should look like in the NT book of Colossians. I’d like to read it and then challenge you with putting these things into practice in your marriage…

KEY PASSAGE…<<<HOW WE LOVE>>>

[COLOSSIANS 3:12-14]
“12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

WHO ARE YOU…

[Col 3:12a]
“…as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved…”

- REMEMBER YOUR IDENTITY…
[EPH 1:3-14]
“3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8 which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10 as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. 11 In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12 so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13 In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”

<<<You are CHOSEN by God!>>> || He made you, knows you, adopted you as his son/daughter, empowered you by his Holy Spirit to be able to live and love the way he has commanded…chosen

<<<You are made HOLY by God!>>> || not because of your goodness, or your own works…but because of the grace and mercy and goodness of Jesus || He is the source of your holiness and enables you to live a holy life

<<<You are LOVED by God!>>> || Ephesians says that God LAVISHED His love on you…[dump truck] || This is who you are in Christ; your new identity…even when you don’t feel like it.

- If you can really grasp the truth of your new identity, then you will have a strong foundation to stand on when everything around you seems shaky. During great times and difficult times, you must remember that you are CHOSEN by God, that you are HOLY, and that you are deeply, deeply LOVED by him. || Because of your new Identity in Christ, and all that God has done for you through Jesus, your behaviors towards your spouse should change!

- So what should your attitude and actions look like in light of this new identity as you pursue ONENESS?

HOW SHOULD YOU ACT…3 things…

1. PUT ON…
COL 3:12b “Put on then…compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience...”
—> It says to “PUT ON”…or to "clothe yourselves” with a few things…
A. COMPASSION ~ Allow your heart to feel what the other person feels; sad, glad, hurt, lonely, pain, joy…empathize and join in their emotion with compassion
B. KINDNESS ~ Just be nice to each other, do nice things out of the blue, surprise each other with gifts, serve each other out of love, speak kind things to each other
C. HUMILITY ~ there is no place for pride…fighting to be right or to win…so put each other first, consider the other one over your own wants and desires, admit when you are wrong, and be the first one to apologize when you guys are experiencing seasons of brokenness
D. GENTLENESS [meekness] ~ in your actions and words…be soft, be respectful, be loving…when you disagree don’t destroy the other person with how you speak to them or how you treat them…hold each other with great respect as if holding a fragile, beautiful flower…be gentle with each other, in words and actions
E. PATIENCE ~ it will not always happen in your timing…allow for the other one to catch up… |||| As you get up every day and get ready to meet the challenges that are ahead…don’t miss the opportunity to “put on” these attitudes as you journey this life together…for the sake of ONENESS.


2. PUT UP WITH…
COL 3:13 “… bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive..…”
—> How do we deal with our differences and rough edges? It says to…
A. MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR EACH OTHER's FAULTS (put up with) ~ The reality is this, you are going to annoy each other, and the truth is you probably have already experienced that! It may be a weird habit, an annoying sound the other person makes when they eat, hobbies and recreational activities the other person doesn’t understand or value, or even the way you choose to dress on a slouch day, whatever it is, at some point, you will be annoyed by each other. When that happens, make room for those quirks. Allow them to be “them”, and put up with each other…for the sake of ONENESS.
B. FORGIVE EACH OTHER ~ One of the most dangerous things in your marriage will be holding on to wrongs done and withholding forgiveness. Forgive each other. When you allow unforgiveness to take a deep hold in your heart…bitterness, anger, dissatisfaction, and temptation will be close on its heels. For the sake of ONENESS, forgive each other.
C. JESUS FORGAVE YOU…FORGIVE LIKE THAT ~ There is no guesswork as to what forgiveness should look like, forgive as the Lord forgave you. You will never have any injustice committed against you that is greater than your sin debt to Jesus…he forgave you, therefore, follow his example and forgive each other.


3. LOVE DEEPLY…
COL 3:14 “…And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
- "Love" is defined for us in 1 Corinthians 13... [listen and take inventory]

[1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8]
“4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.”

—> So, Husbands…love your Wives…like Christ loves the church; love your wife as much as you love yourself; love your wife and don’t be harsh with her; be considerate of her and treat her with respect.

—> And Wives…love your Husbands...like Christ loves the church; love your husband as much as you love yourself; love your husband and honor him; be considerate of him and treat him with respect. As you learn to love him you too will be on your way to accomplishing the goal of ONENESS that God desires for your marriage.

—> ONENESS is an amazing and wonderful thing that God has given you as a couple. When you experience ONENESS, you will glorify God, accomplish his design and desire for your relationship, and have exactly what you really desire in a loving, healthy marriage. ONENESS makes all the work worth it and will be the thing that will keep your marriage strong

PRAYER AND COMMUNION…

PRAYER FOR MARRIAGES