The point of today is to acknowledge hurt and starting the process of healing. Acknowledging hurt is a huge part of God's healing process.

What is hurt? Hurt is simply an unmet expectation. This is a great definition especially in the context of the church because the church is where we are least expecting hurt.

You are going to have hurt in any organization that has people.
We really need to understand that because this helps us not put unrealistic expectations on the church.

Isn’t the church supposed to be a place of healing, not hurting? How can we have hurting in a place of healing? That is because hurt people hurt people, and there is literally NO ONE in the body of Christ who is so saved, so close to Jesus, so perfect that they have lost the potential to hurt someone. This is like expecting your family to never hurt you.

EVERYONE alive is imperfect and dealing with hurt in some way, shape, or form. That includes EVERY SINGLE PERSON who hurt you, too. Every single person who hurt you was a person who was themselves hurting. Is that a cop out? No it is truth.

Some people are hurting and they know it.
Some people are hurting and they have no clue.

Some people act out of what they’ve been taught.
Some people act out of sin.
Some people act out of broken relationship with God.

Some people act out of ignorance.
Some people act out of malevolence.

But every single one of those people are acting out of hurt. It isn’t an excuse, but it is a reality.

What are we supposed to do when people wrong us, whether it is ignorance or even malevolence?

Colossians 3:12-15
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.

"But I don’t wanna do that." I get it. The hurt is real. The pain is real.

The reality of pain doesn’t give you a pass on forgiveness.

We’ll talk about forgiving next week. I’ll give you a break today.

How does church hurt normally happen?

8 Ways Church Hurt Happens
Gossip
You go for prayer and the prayer partner shares your struggle with someone else without permission. Our prayer team asks you before they share anything with a pastor. When people gossip, you are uncovered, and when you are uncovered, you get hurt.

Bad Leadership
Some people should never have been in leadership in the first place. Whether they were selfish and arrogant, still struggling with sin that would disqualify them from leadership, or for some other reason, they just didn’t lead well. Because their leadership was weak, it created opportunities for hurt to happen.

Rejection
This one is so common. This is anything from outright rejection to your face, to situations where you are made to feel less important than others.
This breeds an idea in you that you aren’t good enough for these people, and that hurts.

Judgement
When people who think they are better than you treat you as if they are better than you, they judge. Maybe you ARE in sin, maybe you ARE struggling, but people who judge are simply forgetting what God brought them out of. When you are more focused on how good you are rather than helping people get better around you, you become judgmental, you become a modern-day Pharisee, and you hurt people.

False teaching
Hurt here usually comes in two ways:
First, false teaching leads you down a path that isn’t good or godly, and because of that, you get hurt whenever you discover the truth. It is abuse, betrayal, and bad leadership rolled into one.
Second, the hurt comes when you try to confront the person about the false teaching. They can easily belittle you, judge your knowledge, and present themselves a the authority who knows it all.
When people do this, people get hurt!

Exploitation
I felt this one a lot. This is when people use your gifts, talents, and abilities to their advantage, to make their own star rise, and in the process, forget you, ignore you, and exploit you.
Listen at the definitions of exploit:
- to make full use of and derive benefit from a resource
- to use a situation or person in an unfair or selfish way
- to benefit unfairly from the work of someone, typically by overworking them or underpaying them
When people do this, the only result is hurt.

Betrayal
The ol knife in the back. You confide in them, trust them, believe in them, share your biggest victories and defeats with them, only to find out they were not who they said they were. This one along with rejection tends to hurt the worst because of how close the person has to get to you to betray you.
From Freedom Class:
Betrayal is only possible with proximity. A stranger can reject us, but only those that we allow close to us can betray us. The enemy will use the pain of betrayal to grip us and withhold us from trusting others, or worse, from trusting in God is our father.
When people lie about their intentions, they betray you, and that hurts.

Abuse
Goodness, this one speaks so much to what that person thinks about you and in turn how you think about yourself as a result. Abusers think so little of the abused that the very abuse they perpetrate is justified in their mind.
It is just evil. When people abuse, people get hurt.

Which of these have you experienced in church? Maybe elsewhere too?

Some of you have felt them in church, in family, in your school growing up, perhaps in every environment you’ve ever been in.

Let me help you get some freedom here:
It doesn’t necessarily mean you are broken. It means the people around you are broken.

Sometimes, our actions can create opportunities for hurt, especially if we are going into a new church family with the hurts from the last church family, expecting the new church family to do the same thing. That’s not really fair, but it does mean you need healing!

The people around you aren’t perfect. You aren’t either. No one is!
Thank God the prerequisite for healing isn’t perfection!

Here’s the raw unfortunate truth:
If it involves people, it will involve the potential for hurt.

John 16:33
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
- Opportunities to stumble will come

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22
Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.
- Don’t be the cause of stumbling.
- Don’t be one who stumbles!

If you know a ball is being thrown at you, you adjust as not to get hit.

Listen - opportunities for offense won’t stop. The ARE coming!
- Learn how to avoid them (not allowing hurts to manifest)
- Learn how to deal with them (forgive!)

Even Jesus experienced church hurt, even before the church was actually the church! And the first pastor, Peter, messed up from the start!

Matthew 26:30-35
30 And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. 31 Then Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away because of me this night. For it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ 32 But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” 33 Peter answered him, “Though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.” 34 Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” 35 Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same.

Peter had the best of intentions. He didn’t WANT to deny Jesus, but he did. A lot of times people who hurt others in church are doing it not out of malevolence but with good intentions. I’ve had plenty of both sides in my own life.

So how do you know whether to keep or break relationship? Jesus knew what Peter was going to do. But he know what Judas was going to do as well. I think this is a fascinating case of understanding when to keep and break relationship. Jesus foretold Peter’s denial and return, but he foretold only Judas’ denial.

Here’s what I glean from this: It is all about the heart.

Judas’ heart was never in it, but Peter’s was.
Peter’s denial was ignorant. Judas’ denial was malevolent.

Sometimes you can reconcile, but only if the heart is in the right place.
Sometimes you can’t.

Some people feel remorse but don’t want life change. Some people feel remorse but do want life change. Peter wanted restoration. Judas didn’t. Peter went to his grave with no guilt but with restoration. Judas went to his grave with no restoration but with guilt. I think Judas hurt Jesus more than Peter because Jesus never got the chance for reconciliation. Guilt isn’t enough to reconcile the hurt. You have to want change.

Back to the story…
I want you to focus on here is not the betrayal, the hurt, but I want you to focus on how Jesus responded to the hurt, the betrayal.

Luke 22:31-32
31 “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat, 32 but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

Jesus give me faith in people like you have in people. “When you have turned again”

Sometimes the best way through hurt in church is down the road of hope in their restoration.

Permit me one last passage.

John 21:1-17
1 After this Jesus revealed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias, and he revealed himself in this way. 2 Simon Peter, Thomas (called the Twin), Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples were together. 3 Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We will go with you.” They went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. 4 Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore; yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus. 5 Jesus said to them, “Children, do you have any fish?” They answered him, “No.” 6 He said to them, “Cast the net on the right side of the boat, and you will find some.” So they cast it, and now they were not able to haul it in, because of the quantity of fish. 7 That disciple whom Jesus loved therefore said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment, for he was stripped for work, and threw himself into the sea. 8 The other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish, for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off. 9 When they got out on land, they saw a charcoal fire in place, with fish laid out on it, and bread. 10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish that you have just caught.” 11 So Simon Peter went aboard and hauled the net ashore, full of large fish, 153 of them. And although there were so many, the net was not torn. 12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” Now none of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and so with the fish. 14 This was now the third time that Jesus was revealed to the disciples after he was raised from the dead. 15 When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16 He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.

Jesus didn’t focus on the hurt, he focused on the healing.

It is easy to get wrapped up in the hurt and pain, in how wrong it was, in the meanness of it, to get focused on our sense of justice, and the wrong being righted, but Jesus didn’t focus on any of that.

He had a heart for every hurt.
A purpose for every painful moment.
He had devotion for every denial.

As many times as Peter denied, Jesus loved.

Peter’s heart was in the right place and that is huge if the one who does the hurting is restored. Their heart has to be in the right place,

But hear me:
Jesus’ heart had to be in the right place, too.

Jesus and Peter both acknowledged the hurt, and restoration happened, not because Peter’s heart was in the right place, but because both of their hearts were in the right place.

You can’t do anything about the status of the heart of the person who hurt you. But you can do something about your heart.

Whatever the hurt, it is time to heal.

I want you to take a moment and get that person who hurt you in your mind.

Picture them before you if necessary. I don’t know how they hurt you, but here’s what I want you to do. Imagine I am that person.

As Jesus was our scapegoat, let me be that now.
As he bore the weight of our sin, let me stand in the place of the person who hurt you.

“I was wrong.
I talked about you.
I was a bad leader.
I rejected you.
I judged you.
I mislead you and when you tried to tell me, I took my anger out on you.
I exploited you, using your gifts, talents, and abilities for my gain.
I betrayed you.
Through my ignorance and even malevolence, I abused you.
I was wrong.
Please forgive me.
I’m so sorry.
I want the best for you.
Please forgive me.”

Listen to me, whether you ever hear those words or not from that person directly is immaterial to the location of your heart right now.

God never planned on that hurt, but he is more than willing in this moment to heal it.

Here’s how you respond:

“Father my heart is yours.For the hurt I endured, I receive healing by the power of the Holy Spirit and in the precious name of Jesus. Amen."

What is the Holy Spirit saying to you through this message?