Active Christians Today University of Toledo
ACT UT Small Group: "God Called My Fiancé to the Mission Field. God Didn’t Call Me."
The real world is made up of real choices and as Believers, our goal should be to make those choices with God's Word as our foundation. Our Small Group “Jesus in the Real World” examines real life case studies with the goal of responding to each as Jesus would.
Locations & Times
Active Christians Today UToledo
Tuesday 8:00 PM
Jesus in the Real World
Case Study - God Called My Fiancé to the Mission Field. God Didn’t Call Me.
What happens when your significant other feels the call of God upon their lives and it directly conflicts with your call? It can be heartbreaking and fulfilling at the same time. Following God means complete surrender. Are we willing?
Opening Questions
Is dating about FINDING the right person or BEING the right person? Why?
The answer to the question above will change how you approach the dating world. What will it look like if you are trying to FIND the right person? What will it look like if you’re trying to BE the right person?
Does the answer to the question about (finding or being) make it easier to find a spouse or more complicated? Why?
Consider these questions as you read Erica’s story....
Case Study - God Called My Fiancé to the Mission Field. God Didn’t Call Me.
What happens when your significant other feels the call of God upon their lives and it directly conflicts with your call? It can be heartbreaking and fulfilling at the same time. Following God means complete surrender. Are we willing?
Opening Questions
Is dating about FINDING the right person or BEING the right person? Why?
The answer to the question above will change how you approach the dating world. What will it look like if you are trying to FIND the right person? What will it look like if you’re trying to BE the right person?
Does the answer to the question about (finding or being) make it easier to find a spouse or more complicated? Why?
Consider these questions as you read Erica’s story....
Erica’s Story
Erica was a devoted Christian who completely trusted God in all she did. This was especially true in her dating life. She desired a man as devoted and committed to Jesus as she was. It wasn’t easy.
Over and over the men she dated put on a show of their devotion to God but it wasn’t long before she discovered the truth: shallow faith and a commitment only when it served their purposes (such as dating Erica). Her dating life was filled with one disaster after another. That all changed with Logan.
Erica met Logan as a freshmen at college. Logan was committed to God in every aspect of his life. He literally did not make a decision before bathing it in prayer. When he asked Erica out, it wasn’t to a movie. It was to share in his devotional time. They laughed, joked and talked about how God had changed both of their lives. It excited Erica to know that Logan was just as interested in her spiritual walk as she was in his.
Soon they studied the Bible together, shared deep discussions about theology and started attending the same church together. Their love of God was known by all and it was demonstrated in their relationship.
Logan studied civil engineering. He believed God placed that passion in his heart and he was prepared to use the skills he learned and his vocation to glorify God. Erica was constantly impressed with his knowledge of the way bridges were built and how he could name every aspect of the construction process. His joy for engineering showed in his commitment to his studies.
While Logan was totally committed to civil engineering, Erica felt God’s call to overseas missions. Logan encouraged her and told her to listen to God’s guidance and call on her heart. This only made Erica want to pursue missions even more. She met with her pastor and the more she investigated the opportunities, the more it confirmed God’s call in her life.
Erica shared these thoughts with Logan and he never expressed the slightest hesitancy about where God was leading her. Even as Logan and Erica discussed marriage, he still supported her dream of overseas missions.
Erica was fully aware that this might delay having a family. But at this point in her life, missions was the priority as far as she felt God’s call. A family could wait and she was fine with that. Better than fine. She wanted to be where God wanted her to be.
And so it was that one day Logan got down on his knee and asked Erica to marry him. Without hesitating, Erica immediately agreed. Everything was fitting together just as she knew it would. And then it wasn’t...
The reason Logan picked this particular time to ask Erica to marry him is that he was set to accept a job offer. He excitedly invited Erica to join him in a new city to look at houses and prepare to start a family.
Erica was shocked. “I’ve told you about God’s call on my life,” Erica said. “I’m already making plans to go overseas!” “You can still do missions,” Logan responded. “There are plenty of short term mission opportunities. You can do both.”
“I don’t want to DO missions,” Erica said firmly. “I want to BE a missionary. I want to immerse myself in the culture and really make a difference. I don’t want to just drop in and then leave. And I thought you would come along. Civil engineers are needed all around the world. That would be a great opportunity for you!”
Logan was crestfallen. “I never told you I wanted to be a missionary. That isn’t God’s call on my life. It never was. And you knew I wanted to start a family. I’ve never hidden that from you.”
“And I didn’t hide my call from you, either, Logan. It’s my life. And it’s going to be my life for several years, at least. It’s where I’m supposed to be. And if you aren’t supportive of my call, then...”
“I love you, Erica. And I want you to follow God’s leading first and foremost. That should be your priority. Where that leaves us, I don’t know.”
Erica went home that night in sadness. She knew Logan was a great guy. His support of her even when he appeared to know it might be the end of their relationship only proved it. Was she really going to give up God’s call in her life because she met a guy that seemed perfect?
Erica was fully aware that by choosing long term missions without a spouse, the likelihood of meeting a marriage prospect, especially on the mission field, was between slim and none. Was she giving up too much?
She prayed that night a gut-wrenching and sorrowful prayer.
The next morning, Erica calls you and tells you what has happened. What are you going to say to her?
Erica was a devoted Christian who completely trusted God in all she did. This was especially true in her dating life. She desired a man as devoted and committed to Jesus as she was. It wasn’t easy.
Over and over the men she dated put on a show of their devotion to God but it wasn’t long before she discovered the truth: shallow faith and a commitment only when it served their purposes (such as dating Erica). Her dating life was filled with one disaster after another. That all changed with Logan.
Erica met Logan as a freshmen at college. Logan was committed to God in every aspect of his life. He literally did not make a decision before bathing it in prayer. When he asked Erica out, it wasn’t to a movie. It was to share in his devotional time. They laughed, joked and talked about how God had changed both of their lives. It excited Erica to know that Logan was just as interested in her spiritual walk as she was in his.
Soon they studied the Bible together, shared deep discussions about theology and started attending the same church together. Their love of God was known by all and it was demonstrated in their relationship.
Logan studied civil engineering. He believed God placed that passion in his heart and he was prepared to use the skills he learned and his vocation to glorify God. Erica was constantly impressed with his knowledge of the way bridges were built and how he could name every aspect of the construction process. His joy for engineering showed in his commitment to his studies.
While Logan was totally committed to civil engineering, Erica felt God’s call to overseas missions. Logan encouraged her and told her to listen to God’s guidance and call on her heart. This only made Erica want to pursue missions even more. She met with her pastor and the more she investigated the opportunities, the more it confirmed God’s call in her life.
Erica shared these thoughts with Logan and he never expressed the slightest hesitancy about where God was leading her. Even as Logan and Erica discussed marriage, he still supported her dream of overseas missions.
Erica was fully aware that this might delay having a family. But at this point in her life, missions was the priority as far as she felt God’s call. A family could wait and she was fine with that. Better than fine. She wanted to be where God wanted her to be.
And so it was that one day Logan got down on his knee and asked Erica to marry him. Without hesitating, Erica immediately agreed. Everything was fitting together just as she knew it would. And then it wasn’t...
The reason Logan picked this particular time to ask Erica to marry him is that he was set to accept a job offer. He excitedly invited Erica to join him in a new city to look at houses and prepare to start a family.
Erica was shocked. “I’ve told you about God’s call on my life,” Erica said. “I’m already making plans to go overseas!” “You can still do missions,” Logan responded. “There are plenty of short term mission opportunities. You can do both.”
“I don’t want to DO missions,” Erica said firmly. “I want to BE a missionary. I want to immerse myself in the culture and really make a difference. I don’t want to just drop in and then leave. And I thought you would come along. Civil engineers are needed all around the world. That would be a great opportunity for you!”
Logan was crestfallen. “I never told you I wanted to be a missionary. That isn’t God’s call on my life. It never was. And you knew I wanted to start a family. I’ve never hidden that from you.”
“And I didn’t hide my call from you, either, Logan. It’s my life. And it’s going to be my life for several years, at least. It’s where I’m supposed to be. And if you aren’t supportive of my call, then...”
“I love you, Erica. And I want you to follow God’s leading first and foremost. That should be your priority. Where that leaves us, I don’t know.”
Erica went home that night in sadness. She knew Logan was a great guy. His support of her even when he appeared to know it might be the end of their relationship only proved it. Was she really going to give up God’s call in her life because she met a guy that seemed perfect?
Erica was fully aware that by choosing long term missions without a spouse, the likelihood of meeting a marriage prospect, especially on the mission field, was between slim and none. Was she giving up too much?
She prayed that night a gut-wrenching and sorrowful prayer.
The next morning, Erica calls you and tells you what has happened. What are you going to say to her?
Discussion: First Take
It seems that both Logan and Erica have a firm idea of where God has called each of them. Describe that call and what it looks like from a Godly perspective.
Logan and Erica both feel God’s call in their lives. What is the difference in the two calls? What areas are the same?
Both appear to have a proposal so that their particular call can overlap with the other. However, there appear to be very basic problems with each proposal. What are these problems and how could they be resolved?
How firm do you believe each of them should be when it comes to God’s calling in their lives? Why?
It seems that both Logan and Erica have a firm idea of where God has called each of them. Describe that call and what it looks like from a Godly perspective.
Logan and Erica both feel God’s call in their lives. What is the difference in the two calls? What areas are the same?
Both appear to have a proposal so that their particular call can overlap with the other. However, there appear to be very basic problems with each proposal. What are these problems and how could they be resolved?
How firm do you believe each of them should be when it comes to God’s calling in their lives? Why?
The Old Testament World
If you were to pursue God’s calling in your life, how would you go about it?
The second chapter of Habakkuk provides guidance when searching out God’s will, purpose and calling in our lives:
If you were to pursue God’s calling in your life, how would you go about it?
The second chapter of Habakkuk provides guidance when searching out God’s will, purpose and calling in our lives:
There is a very practical instruction in these verses. What is it? How can following this instruction help us when defining God’s call in our lives?
Why is it so important to figure out where God is calling you?
Verse four is one of the most important Scriptures in the Old Testament even though you may not know it in and of itself. The verse is the base text for three (count ‘em) three New Testament books: Romans (check out 1:17 “just”), Galatians (3:11 “shall live”) and Hebrews (10:38 “faith”).
Look at the beginning of verse four. What is it describing? Could “puffed up” describe either Logan or Erica (or both)? Why or why not?f
Why is so important to avoid “puffed up?”
Now... onto the second part of the verse “the righteous shall live by... faith.” In Erica’s case, she is very concerned about the kind of guy she dates. She thinks she found this guy in Logan. What instruction does this verse give her?
Have you heard God’s call in your life? If you have, how does that call affect decisions like dating, school and vocation?
How firm are you in the direction God is calling?
How much should your call intertwine with that of your future spouse? Is that a prerequisite to marriage? Why or why not?
Is it possible for God to place a call on your life that won’t be fulfilled in the way you envision it? How will you know? How can you know?
There are many passages in the Old Testament where we are called to choose who we follow. This is one of the most blatant:
Why is it so important to figure out where God is calling you?
Verse four is one of the most important Scriptures in the Old Testament even though you may not know it in and of itself. The verse is the base text for three (count ‘em) three New Testament books: Romans (check out 1:17 “just”), Galatians (3:11 “shall live”) and Hebrews (10:38 “faith”).
Look at the beginning of verse four. What is it describing? Could “puffed up” describe either Logan or Erica (or both)? Why or why not?f
Why is so important to avoid “puffed up?”
Now... onto the second part of the verse “the righteous shall live by... faith.” In Erica’s case, she is very concerned about the kind of guy she dates. She thinks she found this guy in Logan. What instruction does this verse give her?
Have you heard God’s call in your life? If you have, how does that call affect decisions like dating, school and vocation?
How firm are you in the direction God is calling?
How much should your call intertwine with that of your future spouse? Is that a prerequisite to marriage? Why or why not?
Is it possible for God to place a call on your life that won’t be fulfilled in the way you envision it? How will you know? How can you know?
There are many passages in the Old Testament where we are called to choose who we follow. This is one of the most blatant:
How does Logan’s behavior demonstrate that he is following the instruction of this verse? What are the implications?
How does this verse apply in situations where one of the two is not a Believer?
How does this verse apply in situations where one of the two is not a Believer?
The New Testament World
It appears that Erica is facing despair and possible heartbreak. She thought she had something that she now may lose. We sometimes think that God doesn’t understand or that Jesus is too far removed from our lives to completely embrace the sadness we face. Scripture points otherwise:
It appears that Erica is facing despair and possible heartbreak. She thought she had something that she now may lose. We sometimes think that God doesn’t understand or that Jesus is too far removed from our lives to completely embrace the sadness we face. Scripture points otherwise:
What does this verse say about God’s plan for Jesus? What does it say about Jesus’ response to that plan? Why are His words so powerful?
Jesus didn’t want to die. Anyone who says He was okay with death completely misses the point of this verse and so many others. However, he submitted.
How can the words of this verse be applied to Erica and Logan’s situation? How might it guide them?
Imagine if Logan is not a Christian and yet is still completely supportive of Erica’s belief in God’s call on her life. How does that change the equation?
Everyone knows someone who is married with a spouse who does not share their faith. We’ve seen it work and we’ve seen it fall apart. Scripture is rather clear on this issue. However, many take it as a challenge to prove God wrong.
Jesus didn’t want to die. Anyone who says He was okay with death completely misses the point of this verse and so many others. However, he submitted.
How can the words of this verse be applied to Erica and Logan’s situation? How might it guide them?
Imagine if Logan is not a Christian and yet is still completely supportive of Erica’s belief in God’s call on her life. How does that change the equation?
Everyone knows someone who is married with a spouse who does not share their faith. We’ve seen it work and we’ve seen it fall apart. Scripture is rather clear on this issue. However, many take it as a challenge to prove God wrong.
What is God’s promise if we follow His instructions in the instructions Paul gives us in these verses?
What are the dangers we face when it comes to decision-making if we choose to marry someone who doesn’t share our faith?
Imagine if Logan is not a Christian and yet is still completely supportive of Erica’s belief in God’s call on her life. How does that change the equation?
“If your significant other isn’t pursuing God, they shouldn’t be pursuing you.” How do you feel about that statement?
What are the dangers we face when it comes to decision-making if we choose to marry someone who doesn’t share our faith?
Imagine if Logan is not a Christian and yet is still completely supportive of Erica’s belief in God’s call on her life. How does that change the equation?
“If your significant other isn’t pursuing God, they shouldn’t be pursuing you.” How do you feel about that statement?
It is important to understand the intent of these verses. There is a thought behind them which is not forbidding marriage, but instead helping build a deeper foundation. What is the underlying thought? How should Logan and Erica view this in light of their situation?
Final Thoughts
Based on what we have read, what are signs that our relationships are impeding our calling?
What can you do in your own life to make sure you are pursuing God first? What will this look like from a practical perspective?
Those this case study is focused on one person and their call to the mission field, there are many other situations where this applies even though it has nothing to do with vocational ministry. What are these situations?
Have your thoughts changed regarding Logan and Erica and what they should do? What would you tell Erica?
Based on what we have read, what are signs that our relationships are impeding our calling?
What can you do in your own life to make sure you are pursuing God first? What will this look like from a practical perspective?
Those this case study is focused on one person and their call to the mission field, there are many other situations where this applies even though it has nothing to do with vocational ministry. What are these situations?
Have your thoughts changed regarding Logan and Erica and what they should do? What would you tell Erica?
Praises & Prayer Requests