There is a tendency in every one of us to downplay the benefits of our current stage in life and amplify the benefits of another or long to be in another status season. But I believe that God has some incredible truths and growth for us in each season. (Single. Dating. Engaged. Married.) - If you're interested in a book we used as a resource for this series, see: Ben Stuart's book - "Single. Dating. Engaged. Married"

Quick review:
(singleness) - grow your undivided devotion to the Lord. Become the one that He longs for you to be. Work on YOU. Become the one that the one you're looking for is looking for.
(dating) - don't get trapped in the consumeristic approach to dating versus the companion evaluation. A consumeristic lens creates unrealistic expectations - we're all flawed. Decide to have commitment precede intimacy. If you switch that order, you're creating a counterfeit commitment and confusing connection. Though the Bible doesn’t have much to say about dating per say, it has a lot to say about relationships and evaluation. Dating is our modern process of evaluation. What we are looking for in the person we date is: character and chemistry.

This week, as we finish our series we want to look at the season / status of married. What do the Scriptures have to say about building/having a healthy marriage? *recommendation: Timothy Keller (Kathy Keller’s) book: “The Meaning of Marriage” = Where Keller argues that marriage introduces you to yourself; you realize you're not as noble & easy to live with as you thought when you were alone.”

Many researchers, writers, and experts across the country are wondering whether or not we should ditch this formal union and leave it in the dust of generations past. Marriage is hard and promising to stand by someone amidst the chaos and change of life seems unpractical in our modern, ‘have-it-all’ cultural context. This argument, of course, presupposes that marriage has nothing to do with self-less love, but more about satisfying the selfish desires we have in our own hearts. But here’s what we know: God created this union, among many reasons, to eventually give us a fuller understanding of his relationship with the church—his holy bride.

This is the infamous ‘leave and cleave’ moment in the Genesis 2 portion of the creation account. But notice, the creation of the marriage covenant occurs pre-fall—marriage was part of God’s ‘Plan A’ for life in the garden. It wasn’t some backup strategy; instead, it functioned as an integral part of his perfect, original design.

Ephesians 5 is a chapter that many have turned to in the Scriptures that has much wisdom for the relationship we’re meant to foster and create in marriage.

When it says wives, submit to your husbands, submission does not mean subjugation. In the New Testament, the power to bring another into submission belongs to God alone. When the verb submit is used in this passage, it is used in what’s called the middle voice. What middle voice means is that a person does the action of the verb to himself. In this instance, the wife submits herself. It’s a decision a woman makes. This is a verse for the woman. She chooses to submit. Submission is also not servitude. = the passage does not suggest that women are second-class citizens. They are not intrinsically of less worth than men. They do not exist only to serve men. Some people think that if a woman submits she must sit quietly and never voice her opinions, share her thoughts, or contribute ideas. She must simply wait for the man to come up with every thought.
But this is not the case. Read about the honorable wife in Proverbs 31. That woman is running a small business, buying and selling real estate. She is getting stuff done!

In Ephesians 5 - about marriage. There are 41 words in the original Greek text to instruct the wife. There are 116 to educate the husbands.

In Ephesians 5:25, Paul instructed husbands to “love your wives.” That word translated “love” is the Greek term "agape". While the word agape has a range of meaning, it is often used in Scripture to identify a higher love. A binding, covenantal love, like the kind of love God has for his people. It is a love that commits to the other’s good and swears to never let go. You don’t fall out of this kind of love. Passions can rise and fall. Agape stays. It declares to the beloved, “I’m not going anywhere.” The verb agape is also in present tense in this passage. That suggests continuous action. That means a husband is meant to love his wife at all times and never stop.

In Greek, the single word we translate “gave himself up” is a tense, which suggests this verse is not necessarily pointing to the ongoing way Christ cares for his people. Rather, it points atone particular moment when Christ gave up his life for his bride on the cross. Gentlemen, do you want to know how you are supposed to treat your wife? Look at Jesus Christ on the cross.

Marriage is a mutual commitment to lay down your life for the other person. Marriage was never designed to be about ME. Marriage is a team. It is a partnership. Your marriage will only be as strong as your mutual commitment to a common vision. That’s why we say – pursue Christ together – let His love flow to you – and then pass on through to one another and onto others… live on mission with Him! *Your marriage is meant to put on display the kind of love God has for His church for a watching world to see and experience.

7 Tips/Thoughts for a Healthy Marriage:

1) be each other’s biggest cheerleaders and comfort champions in life. *practice Romans 12:15 everyday.
2) be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. *James 1:19-20 must function well in your relationship.
3) LET FORGIVENESS FLOW FREELY. *Ephesians 4:32
4) GROW A JESUS LOVE - 1 CORINTHIANS 13 (it's Jesus' love to you and meant to flow through you to one another)
5) OUT-SERVE ONE ANOTHER *see Philippians 2:1-5
6) ONGOING INTENTIONAL INVESTMENTS in your marriage: keep dating one another, invest in your relationship (getaways, conf., books, etc)
7) EVERY HEALTHY MARRIAGE NEEDS GOOD COACHES. (seek out counsel as needed and find godly older mentor couples to coach and cheer you forward)

A true healthy relationship is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. They have submitted themselves to Christ and to helping each other be their absolute best in Him.
God can heal marriages. He can also heal individuals.
His power can heal us no matter our status. And even perhaps help us pursue healthy marriages again.

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