There is a tendency in every one of us to downplay the benefits of our current stage in life and amplify the benefits of another or long to be in another status season. But I believe that God has some incredible truths and growth for us in each season. (Single. Dating. Engaged. Married.) - If you're interested in a book we used as a resource for this series, see: Ben Stuart's book - "Single. Dating. Engaged. Married"

deep in us we’re created for relationship and we each have a longing to connect. We want to love and we want to be loved. so, regardless of the difficulties and dangers of dating – we’re willing to risk to pursue love.

One of the great dangers in modern dating is the tendency to approach it from a consumer mentality rather than a companion mentality. “Here’s what I want” – so we go shopping for someone who meets my requirements and specifications. Our natural disposition in relationships is to champion 'self-importance'. And that’s not the best foundation to build healthy relationships. Relationships must thrive on selflessness.

A consumer lens cultivates Unrealistic Expectations. No person can live up to. Why? Because we’re all broken and imperfect. If you take attributes that you like from a variety of sources and mentally assemble them all into an ideal date, you will not come up with an actual person. Because we all come with flaws.

Think of dating as our modern process of evaluation. What are you evaluating? Another person. What are you looking to discern? Whether or not you want to spend your life with this person! Interestingly, though the Bible doesn’t say much about ‘dating’. It does have much to say to us about evaluation.

Ultimately what we are looking for in the person we date is: character and chemistry. You want solid, godly character and fun, easy chemistry.
=look for a person who has character before God and chemistry with you.

Choose to have commitment precede intimacy.
If we switch the order, we have created a pseudo feeling of commitment that cannot bear up under the weight and the challenges that will face every growing relationship in order to last the journey. Physical intimacy alone WILL NOT create a lasting commitment; in fact, it creates a confusing connection if it isn’t bound together by true commitment.
Why? Because, physical intimacy exists to strengthen a commitment that’s already forged. Real commitment takes time to grow and you don’t want to falsely foster a counterfeit commitment - via too much passion, too quick.

Honor God with your body. (see 1 Corinthians 6:12-20)

Remember: you’re evaluating remember character and chemistry and that takes some time. Wait and watch long enough to truly see someone’s character. Some people will be obviously unsuitable for dating within the first five minutes of a conversation. They are insensitive, short-tempered, perverted, too narcissistic or whatever. Others will seem nice at first, but you need to give it time. *(remember the movie Frozen and Prince Hans and Kristoff). Wait long enough to see their real character and experience lasting chemistry. Watch long enough to see how they react when things do not go their way. See how they treat people who they aren’t trying to date. Give yourself the space to see them in every season.

You not only want a believer in God, but a pursuer of God. Anybody can say they love Jesus; that’s not hard. Beware. You do not want to date a guy or a girl who is just playing games with God. As you date someone with godly character and good chemistry, you’ll ‘know’ when the commitment has grown to the place of pledging your lives together.

In 1 John 4 - we read about the 'flow of love' and the way of love. Look for these qualities in your relationship.

Love sends. (it steps toward the beloved)
Love sacrifices. (it gives all for the sake of the beloved)
Love stays. (it stays when everyone else walks out)

This is Jesus’ love for you. For me. = AND HE PROVED IT at the Cross and in the resurrection! Love sends. Love sacrifices. Love stays.

*fight for this kind of love in your relationship - and when it's there - then follow Beyonce's advice: and 'put a ring on it'.

EXTRA:
Imagine being handcuffed to someone while standing in the middle of Texas. If they want to walk to LA and you want to walk to Florida, you’re going to have a problem. (Beyond the obvious problem of how on earth did you manage to end up handcuffed to someone in the middle of Texas!)
How is this going to end up?
This is why Paul warned the followers of Jesus in 2 Corinthians 6:14: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” What did Paul mean by “unequally yoked”?
Paul was referencing Deuteronomy 22:10, a verse addressing issues in farming. A yoke was an instrument used to bind animals together while they were plowing a field. You have probably seen them in old photographs. A wooden bar lays across the neck of both animals as they travel side-by-side, pulling a cart or plow. In this passage of Deuteronomy, Moses instructed his people to avoid harnessing together two different types of animals. Why wouldn’t you connect an ox and a donkey?
Because they are entirely different animals with different wiring and different paces. They will not work well if they are bound together. You will never get where you want to go.
Paul took this idea and applied it to human relationships. Those who have sworn allegiance to Jesus Christ should not bind their lives together with those who have not.
Now, this certainly does not mean that people of different faiths should not interact. The people of Jesus are meant to love everyone, even their enemies. Christians should be coworkers, neighbors, and friends with all kinds of people. Paul’s intention here is certainly not a call to isolationism.
Rather, this is about the most intimate of relationships—binding your life together with another life. It’s just plain wise to do this with someone who is going the same direction you are headed!

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