Heart Shift and Motherhood: Finding God's Extra in the Ordinaryনমুনা

Surrender

Have you ever had a plan for your life that wasn't going so well? Three and a half years ago, that was me and motherhood. When my second son was born, I had a plan to tackle my new role as a mother of two. I had a vision of who I would be as a mom, how my sons would be, and what our life as a family would look like. Had I prayed about it? Sure. But had I truly surrendered this dimension of my life to God? Honestly? No.

Six months later, my reality looked nothing like what I pictured. I was at the lowest point of my life. One November night, I was curled up on my bedroom floor at two in the morning sobbing into the rug. Instead of the capable woman and gracious mother I had envisioned, I was a broken, wretched, wasted mess. My baby was crying in the middle of the night again, and I didn't know what to do.

My family had endured our fair share of illness during that particular "cold and flu" season. Every other week my older son brought home a new virus from daycare to transmit to his baby brother by way of very adorable, yet highly infectious hugs and kisses. They were just germs, but they were killing me! The recurrent stuffy noses meant my baby couldn’t breathe well, and therefore couldn't sleep well. Neither could I, and it was completely taking me out. That season of sleep deprivation seemed endless. It was physically debilitating and eroded all self-confidence I had as a mother. On that fateful night, I was so exhausted and so empty that my capacity to respond to my baby appropriately was gone.

I thought I was a good Mom. I thought I was strong. I should have been able to do this. I had a plan, for goodness sake! But my plan was failing and something broke in me that night.

It marked a turning point in my life. It completely humbled me. I was ready to admit to myself, to God, and to anyone else that I couldn’t do life – even this ordinary life of motherhood and marriage – on my own. Suddenly my plan didn’t matter. I didn’t want it. I was finally ready to acknowledge that what I needed was God’s plan.

I realize now that God had given me many opportunities to learn to surrender before that important night. Yet, I wasn’t attuned to His subtle correction, nor humble enough to heed His wisdom through others. I speed-walked past chances to slow down and learn, thinking I knew better. Are there areas of your life where God has been trying to get your attention? Have there been times when you, like me, have not "humbled yourself before the Lord" and instead tried to lift yourself up (James 4:10)?

I learned the lesson of surrender the hard way. But God used all the hardship in that season of motherhood to create a heart shift in me and completely transformed my life. He revealed Himself to me in extraordinary ways in my ordinary life of work, motherhood, and marriage. He gave me insights into humility, gratitude, affirmation, and obedience that we will explore over the next five days. Join me for this journey and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal His Extra in your Ordinary.