Victory Church
I Want a New Marriage | Conflict or Combat
03.01/02.20 Pastor Curt Seaburg
Locations & Times
Victory Church - Greenfield
Freedom Rd, Lancaster, PA 17601, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:45 AM
Victory Church - Columbia
550 Linden St, Columbia, PA 17512, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:45 AM
Victory Church - Strasburg
114 W Franklin St, Strasburg, PA 17579, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:45 AM
Victory Church - Lititz
540 E Newport Rd, Lititz, PA 17543, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:45 AM
Monday 6:30 PM
Victory Church - Quarryville
15 E 3rd St, Quarryville, PA 17566, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Victory Church-Ephrata
939 Linden Rd, Ephrata, PA 17522, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:45 AM
Victory Church - iCampus
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 6:00 PM
Lamentations 3:19-23 – “I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
The Question is not IF we fight …
the question is HOW we fight.
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
The Question is not IF we fight …
the question is HOW we fight.
1) Arguing
2 Timothy 2:23 CEV “Stay away from stupid and senseless arguments. These only lead to trouble,”
Mark 3:25 – “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”
2 Timothy 2:23 CEV “Stay away from stupid and senseless arguments. These only lead to trouble,”
Mark 3:25 – “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”
2) Criticizing
James 4:1-3 - What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you You desire but do not have, so you kill.
You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
(Ephesians 4:29 NIV) “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
James 4:1-3 - What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you You desire but do not have, so you kill.
You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
(Ephesians 4:29 NIV) “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
3) Belittling
The greatest relationship are when
TWO SERVANTS love each other.
1 Corinthians 6:3,7 – “Don't you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life.
The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?”
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT) - An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.”
The greatest relationship are when
TWO SERVANTS love each other.
1 Corinthians 6:3,7 – “Don't you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life.
The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?”
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT) - An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.”
Healthy Couples fight for RESOLUTION.
Unhealthy Couples fight to WIN.
James 1:19-20 – “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Unhealthy Couples fight to WIN.
James 1:19-20 – “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
1. Stop and listen carefully. “...quick to listen”
Proverbs 18:2 NLT - “Fools have no interest in understanding: they only want to air their own opinions.”
2. Guard my words vigilantly. “...slow to speak”
Matthew 15:11- It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth."
Proverbs 21:23 NLT - Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
During non-conflict times.
Ask your spouse: “How am I doing?”
Proverbs 18:2 NLT - “Fools have no interest in understanding: they only want to air their own opinions.”
2. Guard my words vigilantly. “...slow to speak”
Matthew 15:11- It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth."
Proverbs 21:23 NLT - Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
During non-conflict times.
Ask your spouse: “How am I doing?”
6 “Never’s”
Never call names.
Never raise your voice.
Never get “historical”
Never say “never” or “always”
Never threaten divorce.
Never quote the Bible to prove your point.
Never call names.
Never raise your voice.
Never get “historical”
Never say “never” or “always”
Never threaten divorce.
Never quote the Bible to prove your point.
3. Handle your anger righteously. “...slow to become angry”
Ephesians 4:26-27 – “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are angry and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Ephesians 4:26-27 – “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are angry and do not give the devil a foothold.”
4 Signs You Are Not Fighting Fair – Dr. Gottman
STAGE 1 – Negative / Critical Attitude toward your spouse.
STAGE 2 – Contempt.
STAGE 3 – Defensiveness
STAGE 4 – Stonewalling
In times of conflict, I will fight for unity,
not for personal victory.
STAGE 1 – Negative / Critical Attitude toward your spouse.
STAGE 2 – Contempt.
STAGE 3 – Defensiveness
STAGE 4 – Stonewalling
In times of conflict, I will fight for unity,
not for personal victory.