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King Street Community Church

Marriage: Navigating Everything (Brett Ullman)

Marriage: Navigating Everything (Brett Ullman)

Locations & Times

King Street Community Church

611 King St W, Oshawa, ON L1J 2L1, Canada

Sunday 10:30 AM

Connect Card

We're glad you're here and would love to connect with you! Feel free to fill out the form below to connect with our pastors for prayer, information, and updates! Also, checkout kingstreet.org for more details on upcoming events.
https://mykscc.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/23/responses/new
What are the joys/privileges/benefits of a good marriage?
1. Religious and Spiritual Significance
2. Friend for life (sense of belonging)
3. Deepened Intimacy
4. Family Building
5. Economic Stability
6. Social and Cultural Institution
7. Shared Responsibilities
8. Travel partner
9. Legal protection
10. Improved Health/Longevity
11. Personal Development
Having Christian faith does not equal having a great marriage.
"If we each live properly we will collectively flourish" - Jordan B. Peterson
Household Management:
Definitions:
1. Domestic Labour - Household management
2. Mental Load - To do list
3. Second Shift - 2 Shifts (in and out the house)
4. Invisible Labour - Unseen and unrecognized
5. Emotional Labour - Maintaining relationships and managing emotions

Who is the default Household/Parent/Relationship?
Do you both have equal amounts of free time?
Open and honest discussion of where things currently are and where you both want them to be.
Intimacy:
Song of Solomon (entire book) is a celebration of physical intimacy.
A good marriage is safe and healthy:
- A healthy marriage allows you to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or retaliation.
- A healthy marriage does not have instances of physical violence or threats of violence in your relationship.
- A healthy marriage has boundaries that are honoured and you feel your autonomy is respected.
- A healthy marriage has transparency and trust in the area of finances, and you feel secure in your financial future together.
- A healthy marriage has conflicts that are resolved in constructive manner without manipulation or aggression.
"When two people truly feel safe together, their hearts will naturally open. When two open hearts are in close proximity to each other, intimacy happens without force, without effort, without energy" - Dr. Gary Smalley (The DNA of Relationships)
"...the internal security and emotional intelligence of a loving marriage becomes your children's best inheritance." - Warren Ferrel & John Grey (The Boy Crisis)
Understand what you are feeling.
Feelings Wheel:

Notice (Pause)
Name
Normalize
Be Nice to yourself
"We long to love and we long to be loved, but we just don't seem to know how to do it very well. And for all the talk and openness there is about sex today, sexuality still ranks as one of the persistent points of conflict in most relationships." - Chip Ingram (Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships)
Sex Life Killers:
- Feeling disconnected
- Feeling obligated
- Feeling tires
- Not feeling pleasure
- Life stress
- Poor body image
- Health issues
- Lack of privacy
Breaks vs. Accelerators:
- Feeling disconnected to feeling connected
- Feeling obligated to wanting to
- Feeling tires to feeling rested
- Not feeling pleasure to mutual pleasure
- Life stress to feeling supported
- Poor body image to body acceptance
- Health issues to self care
- Lack of privacy to making accomodations
How do we know if what we've learned about sex is serving us well?
"Too often couples learn to parrot the right words but don't anchor their talks in a profound understand of each other. Healing is an art. It takes time. it takes practice. It takes love." - Pavana Reddy, Poet
Communication:
"The marriage relationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. Those ingredients are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree they are free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear, and love dies." - Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Communication tip: "Do you need me to listen or give advice?"
Conflict:
Conflict is not about winning it is about resolving the issue.
"Personal responsibility takes place when your buttons get pushed and you have an emotional reaction yet you stay focused on your side of the equation. You must responsibility for your feelings and fears, as well as responsibility for your reactions." - Dr. Gary Smalley (The DNA of Relationships)
Family:
"They will not be with me forever, so I prepare them accordingly" - Ted Cunningham (Trophy Child)
Finances:
"The handling of finances is one of the major emotional battlegrounds of any marriage" - David Augsburger
Podcast, books, earn, save, give and have a budget plan.
Fun:
"Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love..."-Ecclesiastes 9:9a
Date night: walk, hike, dinner out, dinner in, travel, community, friends...
Purpose:
Faith, family, volunteer, work.
"You may need to learn how to have a healthy, grown-up marriage together. We strongly encourage marriage counselling because therapy isn't just for sheer emergency level crisis; it can provide good tools for conflict resolution, making decisions, exploring your questions together, and relearning intimacy. Accept the truth that you don't have to be in 100% agreement on everything to have a good marriage," - Sarah Bessey
"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." - Martin Luther King Jr.